10 answers
Arisa
Student
Winchester, Massachusetts
4
Questions
Asked
2860 views
How to get a letter of recommendation when I'm a shy student?
I'm a decent student who occasionally contributes to the conversation and I get A's and B's in school, but I don't think I have developed a close relationship with any of my teachers. Speaking up in class is hard for me and it often feels like I'm being drowned out but other students. I'm currently a Junior who is doing remote learning so I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to help the process go smoother when it comes time for me to get a LOR. Thank you :) #student #general #everyone #introvert #letterofrec #networking
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10 answers
Lisa Bond Brewer
Managing Director, External Affairs & Communications
24
Answers
Lansing, Michigan
Updated
Lisa Bond’s Answer
Hi Arisa,
You've addressed a really important challenge for many students. Here are several things I suggest to all students for letters of recommendation: 1. Identify a teacher, guidance counselor, school administrator that you like. 2. Talk with them outside of class, so they can get to know you. It may be to go over a homework assignment or a project. 3. Once you've identified people to write letters of recommendation for you, they should be provided with a copy of your resume. The resume should identify extracurricular activities, clubs, sports, volunteer opportunities, jobs (even if it's just babysitting). The resume will be used to craft your letter of recommendation. 4. You may want them to draft a generic letter that can be used for applying to colleges, scholarships, etc. 5. Review the letter once it's provided to make sure the information is correct, it's on your high school letterhead and signed.
I'm glad you're thinking about this as a junior, so you'll be prepared for your senior year. Good luck!
You've addressed a really important challenge for many students. Here are several things I suggest to all students for letters of recommendation: 1. Identify a teacher, guidance counselor, school administrator that you like. 2. Talk with them outside of class, so they can get to know you. It may be to go over a homework assignment or a project. 3. Once you've identified people to write letters of recommendation for you, they should be provided with a copy of your resume. The resume should identify extracurricular activities, clubs, sports, volunteer opportunities, jobs (even if it's just babysitting). The resume will be used to craft your letter of recommendation. 4. You may want them to draft a generic letter that can be used for applying to colleges, scholarships, etc. 5. Review the letter once it's provided to make sure the information is correct, it's on your high school letterhead and signed.
I'm glad you're thinking about this as a junior, so you'll be prepared for your senior year. Good luck!
Deijana Lebron
Executive Asssistant
31
Answers
Fishkill, New York
Updated
Deijana’s Answer
Begin to build a relationship with your favorite teacher. Go over some assignments or ask them to review a paper for another class and ask them their opionion. This will give them a chance to get to know your interests and hobbies and future plans. Break the ice with something school-related then tell them something about yourself they may have not known from class. The great part about trying to activate a relationship with a teacher is that they are going to give you 100% engagement. So even if you are shy, they will see your trying to succeed and they will do their best to help you succeed. I am sure a good teacher will fill any awkward silence in a chat. But find ways to fill that silence too. Has them their opinion on something school-related or not. Just get talking! Once it feels right tell about the opportunity you have found and if they would support you by writing a recommendation.
Meighan Middleton
Former College Advisor and Admissions Professional/Surface Warfare Officer
38
Answers
Newport, Rhode Island
Updated
Meighan’s Answer
You can still build relationships with your teachers even if you are hesitant to speak up in class. Think of other ways you can stand out depending how your online class is structured. For example, if you class is heavy on discussion posts, thoughtful replies and answers to your classmates will go a long way. Writing heavy? A strong paper will catch your teacher's attention. Math or science? Answer problems in chat rather than voice. There are many ways to show you are engaged without speaking out.
You can also cultivated relationships with your teacher's out of class. Make an appointment to meet with them and talk through an assignment, do any available extra credit, email them for advice on assignments. All of these will organically help you build a meaningful connection with them.
Also, consider unconventional letter of recommendation sources. Perhaps a coach who knows you well or a supervisor at a job or volunteer site. They may be provide information about you and your performance that teachers cannot.
As a fellow introvert who has adapted to an extraverted world, consider challenging yourself to speak up once per day in class, even just a short comment. This will help build your confidence. Your voice is equally important as the other voices in your classroom, and what you have to contribute is just as valuable.
Good luck!
You can also cultivated relationships with your teacher's out of class. Make an appointment to meet with them and talk through an assignment, do any available extra credit, email them for advice on assignments. All of these will organically help you build a meaningful connection with them.
Also, consider unconventional letter of recommendation sources. Perhaps a coach who knows you well or a supervisor at a job or volunteer site. They may be provide information about you and your performance that teachers cannot.
As a fellow introvert who has adapted to an extraverted world, consider challenging yourself to speak up once per day in class, even just a short comment. This will help build your confidence. Your voice is equally important as the other voices in your classroom, and what you have to contribute is just as valuable.
Good luck!
Jojo Liaw
Student
8
Answers
Boston, Massachusetts
Updated
Jojo’s Answer
Hello there! I totally get where you're coming from, and asking for a letter of recommendation can be a somewhat nerve-wracking process! Like most respondents have already noted, a place to begin is by slowly building up a relationship with your teacher. It doesn't have to be during lectures, but could be a simple stop-by after class to ask a clarifying question or to bring up an opinion/idea you might've had on a topic. Things like this show that you are engaged in the class, even if you aren't necessary participating as much. You don't need to necessarily have a very close relationship with your teacher, but it helps if you can showcase your strengths within the range of the class/class materials.
I've also been to professors' office hours, earlier on, where I've been honest in saying that I am generally quieter and shy in class but will continue to try to participate at least once per class. Professors have sometimes highlighted ways where they could help in establishing a "signal" for you to make (ie. scratching your temple) that shows that you have something to say and will then call on you. By speaking to them about participation, it helps them get to know where you're coming from and see that you're putting in the effort.
I've also been to professors' office hours, earlier on, where I've been honest in saying that I am generally quieter and shy in class but will continue to try to participate at least once per class. Professors have sometimes highlighted ways where they could help in establishing a "signal" for you to make (ie. scratching your temple) that shows that you have something to say and will then call on you. By speaking to them about participation, it helps them get to know where you're coming from and see that you're putting in the effort.
Sean Kickham
Data Science
8
Answers
Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Updated
Sean’s Answer
Hi Arisa,
This is a really good question, and something many introverts struggle with.
When I was in school, I needed two separate recommendations for a summer internship. The internship was math-related and I was a math major, so I asked the professor of the most difficult math class I took to write me a recommendation. I completed all homework assignments, participated in class occasionally, and attended office hours to get some one on one time. Despite the fact that the professor didn't seem to be much of a people-person and I was too introverted to grow the relationship myself, my hard work paid off and I aced the class. I thought this showing of perseverance and effort was enough to get a good recommendation letter. And although the professor agreed to write the letter, he only did a one-sentence paragraph on why I should be accepted.
On the other hand, for the second recommendation I wanted to show my diverse interests, so I asked an Anthropology professor to write me a supporting letter. This professor was a friendly people-person who had taken an interest in me I think because it was unusual to have a math major in his class. I attended his office hours as well and he always asked about my life, and my interests, and made it easy for me to feel comfortable. He ended up writing me a glowing recommendation that still makes me proud when I think of it today.
So I would say, attend office hours when you can, even if it's remote. Less people should make you feel more comfortable. And lean in to any professors who take an interest in you and ask you questions about your life. Be open and ask them questions as well. Don't go for the professor or class that you think is most impressive, but rather the one who knows you best or has some sort of stake in you. And keep in mind, often times it's not necessary to choose a teacher. Maybe you have a former boss or extracurricular advisor who can recommend you instead.
Good luck!
This is a really good question, and something many introverts struggle with.
When I was in school, I needed two separate recommendations for a summer internship. The internship was math-related and I was a math major, so I asked the professor of the most difficult math class I took to write me a recommendation. I completed all homework assignments, participated in class occasionally, and attended office hours to get some one on one time. Despite the fact that the professor didn't seem to be much of a people-person and I was too introverted to grow the relationship myself, my hard work paid off and I aced the class. I thought this showing of perseverance and effort was enough to get a good recommendation letter. And although the professor agreed to write the letter, he only did a one-sentence paragraph on why I should be accepted.
On the other hand, for the second recommendation I wanted to show my diverse interests, so I asked an Anthropology professor to write me a supporting letter. This professor was a friendly people-person who had taken an interest in me I think because it was unusual to have a math major in his class. I attended his office hours as well and he always asked about my life, and my interests, and made it easy for me to feel comfortable. He ended up writing me a glowing recommendation that still makes me proud when I think of it today.
So I would say, attend office hours when you can, even if it's remote. Less people should make you feel more comfortable. And lean in to any professors who take an interest in you and ask you questions about your life. Be open and ask them questions as well. Don't go for the professor or class that you think is most impressive, but rather the one who knows you best or has some sort of stake in you. And keep in mind, often times it's not necessary to choose a teacher. Maybe you have a former boss or extracurricular advisor who can recommend you instead.
Good luck!
Gisselle Pacas
Student
13
Answers
Richmond, Virginia
Updated
Gisselle’s Answer
I completely understand where you are coming from! I am also a junior and my first two years in highschool I would be a quiet student and feel drowned out by my classmates as well. My tips would be to inbox your teachers through email and ask questions, keep in mind that is what teachers are there for its their job so don't be afraid to ask for help or questions! Pick the teachers in whose class you have done the best in and they should be more than happy to give you a recommendation.
Hoda Morgan
Student Pharmacist, Intern at CVS
2
Answers
Warren, Michigan
Updated
Hoda’s Answer
Always remind yourself to speak up, even when you think your answer is wrong, other could have the same thing in mind. Also reach out to your professors/teachers whenever you need help this will be a very good way to start connecting, they will get to know you and see how smart and valuable of a person you are :)
Sheila Jordan
Lead Network Proj/Prog Manager
716
Answers
Atlanta, Georgia
Updated
Sheila’s Answer
Hello Arisa:
This is a good question. I agree with the comments you've received at this point. I'd like to add some additional ways to get letters of recommendations that worked for my two (2) young adults.
• Ask your favorite teacher for a recommendation. They will already know your academic ethics and will be happy to provide a letter
• If you participate in sports check with the coach. The coach will know how you perform as a team member
• If you participate in clubs you could check with the sponsor. They will get to see your qualities such as commitment, leadership, effective communication, working successfully in a group to name a few
• If you participate in any volunteer work check with the sponsor of that event. This will show how much time you've spent volunteering and they could really talk about your service to the cause
• If you participate and volunteer at your church you could ask the leader for a letter
• If you have a job you could ask your supervisor. They will know your work ethics very well
• You could ask your parents' friends who may know you well for a "personal" letter of recommendation
It's good that you are thinking about letters of recommendations now as a junior. This will give you enough time to create an action plan on who you want to write those recommendations. One tip I strongly suggest is that you request MORE letters than you need. Simply because if someone doesn't come through for you due to whatever reason you won't be scrambling at the last minute trying to get in your recommendations. For me, this approach worked extremely well for my young adults.
I wish you much success on your journey.
~ Sheila
This is a good question. I agree with the comments you've received at this point. I'd like to add some additional ways to get letters of recommendations that worked for my two (2) young adults.
• Ask your favorite teacher for a recommendation. They will already know your academic ethics and will be happy to provide a letter
• If you participate in sports check with the coach. The coach will know how you perform as a team member
• If you participate in clubs you could check with the sponsor. They will get to see your qualities such as commitment, leadership, effective communication, working successfully in a group to name a few
• If you participate in any volunteer work check with the sponsor of that event. This will show how much time you've spent volunteering and they could really talk about your service to the cause
• If you participate and volunteer at your church you could ask the leader for a letter
• If you have a job you could ask your supervisor. They will know your work ethics very well
• You could ask your parents' friends who may know you well for a "personal" letter of recommendation
It's good that you are thinking about letters of recommendations now as a junior. This will give you enough time to create an action plan on who you want to write those recommendations. One tip I strongly suggest is that you request MORE letters than you need. Simply because if someone doesn't come through for you due to whatever reason you won't be scrambling at the last minute trying to get in your recommendations. For me, this approach worked extremely well for my young adults.
I wish you much success on your journey.
~ Sheila
David Fryrear
Head of Quality Assurance
39
Answers
Libertyville, Illinois
Updated
David’s Answer
This is an important question. While introverts may speak up less, they often are excellent listeners and when they do have something to day, it can be very profound and meaningful. Keep in mind that teachers, coaches, mentors, etc. want to support you and help and providing recommendations is part of the role. A teacher also has other data to evaluate your performance beyond class participation including work on papers and exams. It might be a good idea to ask the teacher to meet with the teachers from whom you'd like a recommendation, explain your situation (you're introverted and it's hard to speak up in class, but you enjoy the class and value them as a teacher), and see how the discussion goes. Teachers love hearing from engaged students and likely will appreciate the discussion. While teacher recommendations are required, if you need several keep in mind that employers, volunteer supervisors, coaches, and other leaders with whom you interact and who observe your behavior can be valuable recommendations too.
Identify the teachers from whom you want recommendations and request a brief 1:1 meeting with them.
David recommends the following next steps:
Gloria Ortiz
Instructional Designer
842
Answers
Irving, Texas
Updated
Gloria’s Answer
Hi Arisa,
I think that you might be surprised by how easy it is to get a recommendation from a teacher. Remember, that even though you may not speak verbally to your teacher, your teachers see a lot of you in the work you submit, the way that you interact with your peers, and the times when you do speak up. All of your teachers have an opinion of you. I bet that you have teachers that you have a high opinion of, ones whose opinion would matter to you, someone you would be proud to have an opinion from. I would start there. They might say no. That is not always an indication that they do not want to, but sometimes it can be a matter of having the time or feeling comfortable to give their opinion. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no.
As an introvert, I know that when I speak, I am careful to think about what I am saying before I speak. My extrovert peers are often not that careful. In other words, your teachers know that when you speak, you have taken some care even if you are not giving a correct answer. I wish that I could explain it better. We live in a country where extroverts are perceived as better. But being relaxed in social situations does not make them smarter or better, it just makes them more relaxed in social situations. You have value. You just need to find your place and find a way to make connections even when it feels uncomfortable.
Gloria
I think that you might be surprised by how easy it is to get a recommendation from a teacher. Remember, that even though you may not speak verbally to your teacher, your teachers see a lot of you in the work you submit, the way that you interact with your peers, and the times when you do speak up. All of your teachers have an opinion of you. I bet that you have teachers that you have a high opinion of, ones whose opinion would matter to you, someone you would be proud to have an opinion from. I would start there. They might say no. That is not always an indication that they do not want to, but sometimes it can be a matter of having the time or feeling comfortable to give their opinion. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no.
As an introvert, I know that when I speak, I am careful to think about what I am saying before I speak. My extrovert peers are often not that careful. In other words, your teachers know that when you speak, you have taken some care even if you are not giving a correct answer. I wish that I could explain it better. We live in a country where extroverts are perceived as better. But being relaxed in social situations does not make them smarter or better, it just makes them more relaxed in social situations. You have value. You just need to find your place and find a way to make connections even when it feels uncomfortable.
Gloria