5 answers
Sama
Student
Saudi Arabia
12
Questions
Updated
962 views
"Why do I become so emotional and start crying when my parents talk to me about something, and why can't I speak properly around them" ?
I want to pursue my own dreams and ambitions but my parents always make me feel worthless and never believe in me. They have never been proud of me or never encouraged me.
"Why do I feel so overwhelmed and anxious whenever I try to express myself to my parents, even though I can talk to others without this happening?"
5 answers
Dr H
Dr. H's Research
1326
Answers
Australia
Updated
Dr’s Answer
Hey Sama,
First off—big hugs! What you’re feeling is completely normal and backed by science. Talking to parents, especially when they don’t validate you, can trigger emotional conditioning (your brain links "talking to parents" with "feeling hurt"). That’s why the tears and anxiety hit like a truck.
So the reason this happens is because of emotional Memory Storage: Your brain remembers past negative experiences, so when similar situations pop up, your body goes into "uh-oh, here we go again" mode.
The fight-or-Flight Response triggers means, Your body sees these talks as a "threat," leading to anxiety, loss of words, or tears.
And so Unmet Emotional Needs, if you’ve never felt fully supported by them, every convo feels like a test you can't win.
So you might ask, What Can You Do?
✅ Prep for Talks – Write down what you want to say and even practice in the mirror. Sounds silly, but it works! Trust me it works!
✅ Emotional Detachment Hack – Remind yourself: Their words are their opinions, not facts about you.
✅ Find Your Support System – If they can’t uplift you, build a circle of people who can.
✅ Set Boundaries – It’s okay to limit convos that drain you.
✅ Therapy or Journaling – Processing emotions in a safe space helps untangle them.
I should mention,
Iryna nailed it on emotional baggage and self-validation.
Chinyere was spot on about anxiety and fear of judgment.
Karen suggested open convos—if you feel safe trying that, go for it!
Remember, 🤔
You’re not the problem. Their reactions don’t define your worth. Keep chasing your dreams, and don’t let anyone dim your light! You are amazing Sama and you shouldn't take everything very serious, give time to yourself, breathe and relax when you are getting on edge. You got this and let me know if you need anything else we are here for you! 🥰
First off—big hugs! What you’re feeling is completely normal and backed by science. Talking to parents, especially when they don’t validate you, can trigger emotional conditioning (your brain links "talking to parents" with "feeling hurt"). That’s why the tears and anxiety hit like a truck.
So the reason this happens is because of emotional Memory Storage: Your brain remembers past negative experiences, so when similar situations pop up, your body goes into "uh-oh, here we go again" mode.
The fight-or-Flight Response triggers means, Your body sees these talks as a "threat," leading to anxiety, loss of words, or tears.
And so Unmet Emotional Needs, if you’ve never felt fully supported by them, every convo feels like a test you can't win.
So you might ask, What Can You Do?
✅ Prep for Talks – Write down what you want to say and even practice in the mirror. Sounds silly, but it works! Trust me it works!
✅ Emotional Detachment Hack – Remind yourself: Their words are their opinions, not facts about you.
✅ Find Your Support System – If they can’t uplift you, build a circle of people who can.
✅ Set Boundaries – It’s okay to limit convos that drain you.
✅ Therapy or Journaling – Processing emotions in a safe space helps untangle them.
I should mention,
Iryna nailed it on emotional baggage and self-validation.
Chinyere was spot on about anxiety and fear of judgment.
Karen suggested open convos—if you feel safe trying that, go for it!
Remember, 🤔
You’re not the problem. Their reactions don’t define your worth. Keep chasing your dreams, and don’t let anyone dim your light! You are amazing Sama and you shouldn't take everything very serious, give time to yourself, breathe and relax when you are getting on edge. You got this and let me know if you need anything else we are here for you! 🥰
Hi Dr. H... Thank you so much for your answer... I never knew my feelings had a scientific reason behind them... Your words made me cry but also gave me strength... I'll try writing down my thoughts like you said and remind myself that their opinions aren't facts... Thank you for believing in me when I can't believe in myself... I will keep fighting... 💜
Sama
Your words just punched my heart straight into the feels factory. I'm genuinely so proud of you for even thinking of trying — that's already braver than 99% of the world. You're not weak for feeling this way, you're just carrying emotions that were too heavy for someone your age to carry alone.
Even when your own mind can't believe in you, I'll always be here yelling from the sidelines — YOU GOT THIS QUEEN🔥. Remember, One tiny step at a time, you're building the future YOU want — not anyone else's.
Anytime you need a lil' reminder that you're not alone, I'm always one message away 💜✨. Sending all the love, strength, and a whole army of invisible hugs your way!
Dr H
Karen Kitchel
Community Volunteer
373
Answers
Saint Paul, Minnesota
Updated
Karen’s Answer
It's unfortunate that you are not feeling like you have a good relationship with your parents. Know that in the future that may change. Have you tried sitting down with them at a time when you don't have anything specific to talk about and just tell them how you're feeling. Ask them for what you need and try to listen carefully to their response. It's easy for people to get defensive when someone brings up something they are doing that hurts another. Tell them you want a good relationship and see if you all can come up with a plan that helps everyone to be able to express how they are feeling.
If you can talk to other adults and feel good about it, use them as your sounding board when there are topics to discuss. Whenever you hear a compliment from someone tuck it away in your memory where you can bring it up to remind yourself of the special person you are.
With every good wish!
If you can talk to other adults and feel good about it, use them as your sounding board when there are topics to discuss. Whenever you hear a compliment from someone tuck it away in your memory where you can bring it up to remind yourself of the special person you are.
With every good wish!
I never thought of asking my parents for what I need like you said... Maybe one day they'll understand... Your words gave me a little hope that things can change... even if it's slowly... Thank you for reminding me I'm still special even if they don't see it... 🌷
Sama
Iryna Tam
Writer, copywriter
225
Answers
Hagerstown, Maryland
Updated
Iryna’s Answer
Hello!
It's common to feel emotional and anxious around parents, especially when there are underlying issues like a lack of support or understanding from them. Here are some reasons for your feelings:
Expectations and Pressure: Parents often hold expectations that can create pressure. When you feel you're not meeting those, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.
Fear of Judgment: If you believe your parents will not validate your dreams or achievements, it may make you anxious about sharing your thoughts or feelings with them.
Attachment Dynamics: The relationship with your parents is foundational. If there have been consistent negative interactions, they can trigger emotional responses because they tap into deeper feelings of insecurity.
Emotional Baggage: Past experiences of feeling undervalued can manifest as heightened emotional responses during conversations, leading to anxiety and tears.
Communication Styles: You may have a smoother communication style with others compared to your parents. They may evoke different emotions that make you feel vulnerable.
To navigate this situation, consider:
Setting Boundaries: If certain topics lead to emotional distress, communicate your need for boundaries when discussing them.
Seeking Support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you process your emotions and develop strategies for communication.
Practicing Self-Validation: Focus on affirming your own achievements and dreams, independent of your parents' reactions.
Finding a way to express yourself while managing your emotional responses can take time and support, but it is possible to cultivate a healthier relationship with both yourself and your parents.
It's common to feel emotional and anxious around parents, especially when there are underlying issues like a lack of support or understanding from them. Here are some reasons for your feelings:
Expectations and Pressure: Parents often hold expectations that can create pressure. When you feel you're not meeting those, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.
Fear of Judgment: If you believe your parents will not validate your dreams or achievements, it may make you anxious about sharing your thoughts or feelings with them.
Attachment Dynamics: The relationship with your parents is foundational. If there have been consistent negative interactions, they can trigger emotional responses because they tap into deeper feelings of insecurity.
Emotional Baggage: Past experiences of feeling undervalued can manifest as heightened emotional responses during conversations, leading to anxiety and tears.
Communication Styles: You may have a smoother communication style with others compared to your parents. They may evoke different emotions that make you feel vulnerable.
To navigate this situation, consider:
Setting Boundaries: If certain topics lead to emotional distress, communicate your need for boundaries when discussing them.
Seeking Support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you process your emotions and develop strategies for communication.
Practicing Self-Validation: Focus on affirming your own achievements and dreams, independent of your parents' reactions.
Finding a way to express yourself while managing your emotional responses can take time and support, but it is possible to cultivate a healthier relationship with both yourself and your parents.
Hi Iryna... Thank you so much for your answer... I never realized how much emotional baggage I'm carrying until you explained it... I'll try to set small boundaries and practice self-validation like you said... Your kindness means more to me than I can say... 💕
Sama
Kiaura Weathers
3
Answers
Austin, Texas
Updated
Kiaura’s Answer
Hey girly.
Firstly I hope you had a good day today. Im sorry your feeling the way you feel. I understand not being able to have your own voice with your parents because I to once struggled with that, with my own mom.
I would say start off by sitting down with them and just letting them know how your feeling and whats triggering you to feel this way.
Sometimes as parents we need our children to sit down and let us know how we can be better as parents for everyone to be happy and thriving. (
now speaking as a mom my self to a pre-teen)
Also if your parents are up to it maybe try some family therapy. Your parents may be holding on to trauma they don't even know they have which isn't allowing them be as loving as they should.
But the joys of this life we have, Its ours and we only get this one. so were able to go and live it how we want! Pease go follow your dreams! I promise they will all be on board!
Firstly I hope you had a good day today. Im sorry your feeling the way you feel. I understand not being able to have your own voice with your parents because I to once struggled with that, with my own mom.
I would say start off by sitting down with them and just letting them know how your feeling and whats triggering you to feel this way.
Sometimes as parents we need our children to sit down and let us know how we can be better as parents for everyone to be happy and thriving. (
now speaking as a mom my self to a pre-teen)
Also if your parents are up to it maybe try some family therapy. Your parents may be holding on to trauma they don't even know they have which isn't allowing them be as loving as they should.
But the joys of this life we have, Its ours and we only get this one. so were able to go and live it how we want! Pease go follow your dreams! I promise they will all be on board!
Hi Kiaura... Thank you so much for your beautiful words... Hearing from a mom like you made me feel a little less alone... I'll try to talk to my parents like you suggested... even if I'm scared... Your message gave me a little spark of hope that maybe one day they will understand... Thank you for seeing me... 🌻
Sama
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
902
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hey Sama,
First off, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot, and it makes total sense that talking to your parents feels so overwhelming. Based on what you’re describing, a few things could be happening:
1. Emotional Conditioning & Anxiety
When you're around people who have repeatedly dismissed, criticized, or invalidated you, your brain starts to associate expressing yourself with negative outcomes (like being shut down, judged, or ignored). Over time, even trying to speak up can trigger anxiety, stress, or even tears because your body is anticipating pain—whether emotional or psychological.
2. Feeling Unheard or Unworthy
It’s incredibly hard to communicate with people who make you feel small or unimportant. If your parents have never shown you encouragement or pride, then your emotions may be building up over time, and every conversation feels like another reminder that they don’t support you. That’s exhausting and disheartening.
3. Fear of Rejection or Judgment
When someone constantly doubts or belittles you, you might start doubting yourself too—even when you don’t agree with them. This can make it hard to find your words, stand your ground, or even express basic thoughts without your emotions taking over.
What Can You Do?
1. Prepare for conversations – Write down what you want to say beforehand or practice speaking in front of a mirror. It sounds silly, but it helps when emotions take over.
2. Create emotional distance – If their words make you feel worthless, remind yourself: "Their opinion does not define my worth." Sometimes, taking a step back and recognizing that their inability to support you is their issue, not yours can help you detach from their negativity.
3. Find support elsewhere – If your parents don’t believe in you, find people who do—friends, mentors, online communities, or even a therapist. You deserve encouragement.
4. Practice small wins – If you struggle to speak around them, start with small, neutral conversations. Build your confidence in expressing yourself bit by bit.
5. Set boundaries – If their words are toxic, you don’t have to take them in. You’re allowed to limit how much you share with them if their reactions only bring you down.
Sama, your dreams and ambitions matter, and you deserve to be heard and supported. Even if your parents don’t see your worth, that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. Keep going, and don’t let their lack of belief stop you from believing in yourself.
Best wishes!
First off, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot, and it makes total sense that talking to your parents feels so overwhelming. Based on what you’re describing, a few things could be happening:
1. Emotional Conditioning & Anxiety
When you're around people who have repeatedly dismissed, criticized, or invalidated you, your brain starts to associate expressing yourself with negative outcomes (like being shut down, judged, or ignored). Over time, even trying to speak up can trigger anxiety, stress, or even tears because your body is anticipating pain—whether emotional or psychological.
2. Feeling Unheard or Unworthy
It’s incredibly hard to communicate with people who make you feel small or unimportant. If your parents have never shown you encouragement or pride, then your emotions may be building up over time, and every conversation feels like another reminder that they don’t support you. That’s exhausting and disheartening.
3. Fear of Rejection or Judgment
When someone constantly doubts or belittles you, you might start doubting yourself too—even when you don’t agree with them. This can make it hard to find your words, stand your ground, or even express basic thoughts without your emotions taking over.
What Can You Do?
1. Prepare for conversations – Write down what you want to say beforehand or practice speaking in front of a mirror. It sounds silly, but it helps when emotions take over.
2. Create emotional distance – If their words make you feel worthless, remind yourself: "Their opinion does not define my worth." Sometimes, taking a step back and recognizing that their inability to support you is their issue, not yours can help you detach from their negativity.
3. Find support elsewhere – If your parents don’t believe in you, find people who do—friends, mentors, online communities, or even a therapist. You deserve encouragement.
4. Practice small wins – If you struggle to speak around them, start with small, neutral conversations. Build your confidence in expressing yourself bit by bit.
5. Set boundaries – If their words are toxic, you don’t have to take them in. You’re allowed to limit how much you share with them if their reactions only bring you down.
Sama, your dreams and ambitions matter, and you deserve to be heard and supported. Even if your parents don’t see your worth, that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. Keep going, and don’t let their lack of belief stop you from believing in yourself.
Best wishes!
Hi Chinyere... Thank you so much for your kind advice... Your words made me feel like someone finally understands how heavy this feels... I'll try to practice small wins like you said and find my own support system... Your message gave me hope that I can still become the person I want to be... Thank you from the bottom of my heart... 💕
Sama
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