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How can I grow in emotional intelligence?

When work situations unsettle me emotionally, I sometimes find it hard to reset and refocus. I want to strengthen my emotional intelligence gradually. What are some practical, step-by-step strategies that have worked for others in professional environments?

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Rob’s Answer

Wong and Elisa have some good thoughts. I won't repeat theirs. One recommendation that I make to people that want to improve in their emotional intelligence is simply to do some tangible things to pay attention to what goes on in their day-to-day. Take 5 minutes every day and look back at the last 24 hours. This can be in the morning, midday, afternoon. It doesn't really matter. The key is on a regular basis, maybe every business day, maybe every day of the week, take the time to spend 5 minutes looking at:
- What are you feeling right now?
- What are you thinking right now?
- What's worked well in the last 24 hours?
- What hasn't?
- What's triggered you?
- What are things that are going on?
And again, just spend 5 minutes writing down or capturing electronically your thoughts. Do that on a regular, consistent basis, 4-6 weeks. What you've done is you've collected a lot of data about your own emotional intelligence. And then, spend some time reviewing your data. Where are times where things seem to work pretty well? Where are times where things aren't working well? What are some of the common triggers? What are some things that you know you would like to change? The key is to collect and to pay attention on a regular basis.
Thank you comment icon Thank you, Rob! I really appreciate how structured your advice is. I love data and journaling, so this 5‑minute reflection practice is perfect for me. :) Genevieve
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Wong’s Answer

It's normal to feel unsettled sometimes. You need to pay attention to your emotions and understand what triggers them. When you feel upset, frustrated, or anxious, take a moment to ask yourself why. Journaling or reflecting for a few minutes each day can help you spot patterns in your feelings. Knowing your triggers is the first step to controlling your reactions instead of letting your emotions take over.

The next step is self-control, which means managing your emotions so they don't take over. Simple things like taking deep breaths, going for a short walk, or pausing before responding can help you stay calm and focused.

Empathy is also important. It means understanding and caring about how others feel. At work, you can practice empathy by listening carefully, asking questions to understand others' points of view, and responding respectfully. Knowing that people react differently can help reduce conflicts and improve teamwork.

Social skills matter too. Talking clearly, staying calm during conflicts, and being open to feedback make your work relationships stronger.
Thank you comment icon Thank you for your advice, I'll start practicing it right away! Genevieve
Thank you comment icon You are most welcome Wong Loke Yuen
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Elisa’s Answer

I think this is a tricky matter. As a younger student or having initial work experiences, it's a 'brand-new world' for you and I am sure many situations could become unsettling. Life in school - or wherever it may be doesn't ever really prepare for the world and many jobs or bosses could be demanding and may not have the emotional intelligence themselves to recognize other people's needs in specific moments.

Sounds like not great advice, but don't take it personally if you are in the short end of a bad situation. If you are new to the job, you clearly need more experiences to develop all the skills you need. Don't beat yourself up, you will continue to have many new experiences that will help you build up more emotional intelligence. It can't be forced.

Also, I agree with Wong, we all get unsettled sometimes. What matters is knowing yourself and how to this knowledge will positively affect your environment.
Thank you comment icon I think it's great advice, thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question! Genevieve
Thank you comment icon Anytime! Hope you find it all useful Elisa Amador
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