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What should I do? Can I change my mindset?

I don't even try, even after 100s of times. May be you will give your time, read this whole stuff, and answer me, and I just read your response. Imay do better for 2–3 days, then again on the same pathetic track, or i may not even take action because you didn't give me a magic spell to change myself (this is how I feel thinking if I go around asking people they will give me a magic spell; I know this is a weak mindset and I don't want it). If, while reading this, you think I can't be changed, don't waste more time on me. Because it's 1200 words long.

Hello, I am a 17-year-old student currently in my final school year, 12th grade (high school senior), from India. I am a phone addict and procrastinator, and I don't know how I became this. I used to use my phone a lot and used to procrastinate, but not this much. It all started when I entered 11th grade (high school junior). It's not my first time writing something like this on CareerVillage (it's my second time; I wrote once, 10–11 months ago). First, I should tell how my situation changed in 11th grade (I don't know if it would be important, but still, I should tell). So I used to be an above-average student until 10th grade, got good marks in the final exam, and was appreciated by my father and relatives. I guess then the ego took over, but I never felt like, or it was not ego and I took things lightly until I realized I had become a procrastinator. May be because of ego or taking things lightly, I decided to study online (till 10th, I had offline tutions) and left friends (I haven't seen the faces of friends for more than a year; it's not like they live far away; they are just a few steps away. I don't go out much other than school and also don't talk much in school, always sitting on the bench). But the thing is, the jump in difficulty from 10th to 11th is very high. 11th and 12th is a whole new level different from all past classes. (Class 10's whole chemistry can be seen as one chapter of 11's chemistry.) And it's not like students don't cope up; I am not saying that. Students who study do understand how important it is; those who give their all for the first 4-5 months of 11th grade do cope up, but I didn't. I wasted the whole 11th, or, if I say, 1 year (because I didn't do anything, like spending time with friends or learning something new), of my life and am still wasting it in a few months this 1 year will convert to 2 years. It's not that I don't know how important these things are in this phase of my life (or maybe I just know but don't understand). Before 11th grade, I used to take studying much more seriously than now. I used to have a fear of exams and tests, but I don't know why I don't feel the same now. Instead of becoming strong, I have become weaker, disrespectful, and selfish. I don't know how I lost interest in studying; one reason I think is that it may be harder now and I am lazier and a procrastinator. You may ask what thing I love to do, my interest, or the future I want to pursue, and I will tell you one by one. My interest in coding has been there since 8th grade(but took some steps towards it only 1 year ago) because I think with programming you can create anything you want, and yeah, I like to code more than study, but the thing is, I procrastinate to code, I delay hard problems, and I feel demotivated when I face hard problems or someone else's solution is better than mine. (one thing i would i like to add here is i care too much about what other person is thinking about me may be because of that i didn't wrote somethings here to, the reason i dont go out of house is because i think other peoples thinking, i decided to go on run daily because i don't really do much work always lying on bed, but i didn't go because i thought what other peoples will think me running around (i know peoples tend think they are center of attention as i think but thats not the case peoples are busy in their own life they don't care what others do but and still knowing this thing i still feel peoples will think about me), even when my class teacher asks my something and when i stand up and answer in the front of whole class, my blood pressures increase and i start to stammer while speaking and my legs start to shake, ok lets get back to where i was). I know others say to do what you love, and when I think about this, I think that when people find what they love, they give it their all; they don't procrastinate, they don't get demotivated, and they don't care about others, thinking all they do is always what they love. Thinking about this makes me think that do I really love programming when I can't even give it my all? I don't think I love drawing because I never started even learning it. I saw this line in one book: "The question shouldn't be what you want; it should be what you are willing to do, face and sacrifice," and in the book, the author also told about him. He said he wanted to be in a band but never even started learning. You know why? He said, "Maybe I never wanted to play music, but I only wanted to be on stage or get attention (I don't remember line by line). Similarly, I may be i just want the drawn picture or the coded program. But i am not willing to leave programming may be because of the fear of future, because may be this will be my only future option(i never started to learn coding because of the money and still i don't want it for money(Computer science jobs pay high)). I don't want to make it any longer. I have not even tried, so whenever I see some hope, my mind tells me you never changed, having the same answers, watching the self-help videos, or even elders telling you, For the last  year how will you change now? I am not a clear person, and I guess all of this is because of my phone; I don't even have the willpower to avoid it. You may tell me to keep my phone in another room, but I can't because I am not rich enough to have multiple rooms. Not recharging my phone has been tried so many times, but still, I wasted time on something else useless. I may ask for help from my parents, but it didn't help. And yes, counseling, a specialist, some professional, or any person is not an option for me. I barely talk to others, and I don't want to talk about all this to anyone face to face. Yeah i have so many excuses but this is My real self(may be i didnt reveal my whole self is this all). I have kept my parents in the dark, saying I am studying, but I am just lying and being selfish. I don't have the question to ask for help. Thanks for reading this far. If you think I can't be helped, don't waste your time writing the response. I just wrote all this because I felt like it. Thanks.

Thank you comment icon Hi Piyush! I know it can be challenging when moving forward and not knowing if a career is right for you or not. Procrastination and de-motivation can make things even harder. I encourage you to reach out to https://r.kokocares.org/careervillage/ for support on your journey. Sharyn Grose, Admin

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Linda’s Answer

Oh baby you are very young and it is so hard to be young especially in the world today. Everything is moving so fast and so many things to take care of and other people's unreasonable expectations of us. I am a grown up almost ready to retire. I own a busy Interior Design business have for many years. I have home a small one now it's just me but a home is a big responsibility, a car that need cleaning and care, friends and family that need my attention. Then there is the world around me that is always finding ways to interfere with my life, like buy life insurance or the Internet dating websites as if, all kind of new products for people who are aging it is an endless list the is the background noise of our lives. It is why we procrastinate TOO MUCH!!!! I am the world's worst procrastinator a problem that has been life long and It's mounting with no end in site. Here's the thing and please hear me, hear what I am telling you and hold on to this. We all have a responsibility to society and human kind. That responsibility is to be independent and able to take care of yourself first and any children you bring into the world. If you are able to care for others do but it isn't a requirement your parents and love one should have put their finances in order as they lived there lives, but you should help them if their health fails with chores,feedings and grooming. They did this for you as a baby and small child. Education there have been studied done on gifted children who make high marks and what they found was a lack of time management in the older gifted children which cause them to fall behind. It had something to do with being separated and taught different from other children and it is an easy fix . You can go online and try looking the studies up for direction. Please do this. You and I and you friends and teacher and parents we are all individuals with our own ideas, thought and feelings. What one person may do well the next my be clueless and this makes us all different but the same and that is hard to cope with when you are young with few experiences to use for decision making. It is hard for all of us, everyone had felt lost, insecure, uncertain and scared about our future and lives and if we are doing it right. That is normal for a 17 year old boy who has high expectations too high that you have made it impossible for a 17 year old young man to reach, and disappointed is ruling your emotions which are full of hormones turning you into the man you will become one day, and I know for a fact you will be a good man because you have worked yourself up worrying about it all to a point that you are now paralyzed and nothing holds your interest because you don't believe you are capable of making your world what you want it to be. You are so wrong. The human spirit is unstoppable and incredibly strong and you will concor the dreadful mood when you lower that bar you have set for yourself and understand you are obligated only to keep you own pace in this world as long as it's forward and progressive you can get whenever you want to be when you want to be there. Your life is set at your time clock only and what we perceive other peoples opinions of us are only in our heads and almost always wrong so you should not concern your efforts to others options, I don't and never have, one less thing. There is so much I want to tell you this could go on for days. I can feel your pain and it breaks my heart because life is tough, and beautiful and messy and spellbounding and hard and fun and worth every second we work at making unforgettable. I think maybe you might be suffering from depression, it happens alot to young overwhelm children and remember that's what you are still a child so please slow down you will get to adulthood soon enough. Reach out to a healthcare person, your teachers, oh by the way we all hate to stand up in front of the class with drum beating heart and stamer, lol. Tell you parents and get so help, you will feel better and this is normal. My beautiful increasable and really smart grandson went through the same thing he was gifted also. I cried so hard that he couldn't see himself through my eyes. He is good now, with the help of others. This is waiting for you please reach out. You will always have my ear, if I can help I will do what I can. If you are confused and scared or happy or need advice send me a correspondence I get busy and as I have told you procrastinate and get behind but i try to keep up with career villagers at least once a week. I will look for you progression and happier outlook.
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Miyoko’s Answer

First, don’t be so hard on yourself. Students who push themselves early on often become burnt out, tired, under motivated and depressed. However, it is usually during the final year of high school the prospect of moving on with one’s life to the next step offers motivation to renew the studies with new found interest and vigor. Try to focus on the next step in your career path and see the slowed motivation you have experienced as a rest period. Time to refocus and get moving again. Set study and play schedules so that study time is followed by reward time and reward time is followed with study time. If you allow yourself time to have fun or just do nothing, you may find productivity increases. I don’t have all the answers, however, I do know that negative talk about your behavior needs to stop. It is okay to take time off to reset. Also, no matter how smart, clever, handsome, one may be, there will always be someone smarter, more clever and more handsome than oneself. Learn from other people’s accomplishments . If we gain inspiration from other peoples’ ingenuity then we do not have to feel less than. We can not always be on top or number one. It is great when we are and we should celebrate when we are and celebrate when others are on top as well. Life is much more satisfying , if we sit back and enjoy rather than compare our selves constantly to others. We are good enough. I hope this helps.
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William’s Answer

Do a skills assessment before you venture into any career so that you start what you can finish successfully.

A personal SWOT analysis and needs analysis is necessary.

Music has many roles: dancing (solo), dance choreography (group), vocal (studio), vocal (opera) based on your choices. Music theory is important to succeed as a vocalist. You should be able to interprete a musical lead sheet and have a good music appreciation.

Berklee School of Music is a good place to learn music from any location https://cloud.info.berklee.edu/bol-general?campaign_id=7013r0000029G2zAAE&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=bol-google-text-brand-online-berklee-online-branded&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwO20BhCJARIsAAnTIVTQeNnNgdsz2LssePs79ivjWS2-YgXPjrYu1gPZiEgVkDcMQuE03aQaAt5MEALw_wcB

You can learn it as a hubby, if you love music, while you still pursue another career as the SWOT analysis on music might guide you better.

A basic SWOT analysis for a vocal and dance music performer is analyzed below.

S-STRENGTHS
- Great voice.
- Great energy.
- Socialite.
- Strong communication.
- Team working.
- Creativity through performance.

W-WEAKNESS
- Could trigger egocentric lifestyle, if without proper self management.
- Outlandish lifestyle to attract people's attention.
- Focus on fans and followers.

O-OPPORTUNITIES
- Better physical fitness.
- Higher income, if successful.
- High goodwill as a public figure.
- Large network which could be monetized.

T-THREATS
- Increase of public lifestyle results in people x-raying into your personal life and welfare.
- Tendency to become unethical during the highs of your profession and fall into judgement and public scrutiny. e.g tax breach, sexual crimes, domestic violence, and drug abuse.
- Minor errors and misdeeds makes headlines in the media.
- Focus on privacy and personal security.
- Work-life balance may be affected due to high demand for shows, traveling, tours, and contracts.
- High tendency of family and marriage issues due to negligence caused by work demand.
- Tendency to experience financial shipwreck due to competitive and luxurious lifestyle that is common among successful music performers who try to measure up with their peers, resulting in lack of self discipline and self control.

- Personal routines like worship, and relationships could be treated as opportunities costs for successful career.
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Abirami’s Answer

I read what you shared, and it deeply resonates with my own journey from a few years ago when I was going through similar mindset shifts. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and difficult, challenging. —I completely understand your thoughts, fears. I want to provide answers to each of your questions, but instead of just answering your thoughts directly, which might be temporary, I’d rather provide tools and techniques for long-term growth. That way, you can feed your own mind in the future.

First, "Pat your back". Writing down your thoughts to seek clarity is a huge step in this journey. I’ve faced similar thoughts, doubts and challenges, so know that your feelings are valid.

On the habit building part You’ve identified a pattern: “Anything new you try, you stick with it for 2–3 days, then go back.” This recognition is a significant milestone. I had a similar experience, but understanding this pattern helped me push through. By the fourth day, when I felt like stopping, I would tell myself, “Just one more day.” Little by little, I built resilience.

A useful analogy I found is reading a book. At first glance, the book’s size (number of pages) may feel intimidating/difficult. But instead of worrying about the entire book, focus on one page at a time. Even if you don’t grasp everything, remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal. The same applies to habits—start small, aim for progress, and over time, you’ll see success.

Regarding your mobile habit, don’t worry too much for now on that habit rather Focus on building just one small positive habit it can be anything when you start plan for smaller and simple habit like "Say reading a book of 10 pages in 30 days", and when you see success in this habit move to building one more. Think of it as building a house, one brick at a time.

When you wrote, “I may do better for 2–3 days, then fall back, one magic spell to change myself”.. I have been searching for one such magic spell :) .

Building one positive habit in any area of your life be it studies, exercise, food habits or anything is the key to reuse it. (This could be the magic spell) for building self-confidence.

You’re on the right path. Keep going, even if it’s one small step at a time.

All the best.

Abirami recommends the following next steps:

Becoming aware that you are not alone with these thoughts, so many of us have similar challenges and we are all work in progress. Example in your case right now you are aware that "i may do better for 2–3 days"
Once you become aware next thing is to accept, Example Yes i do things for 2-3 days i accept this current state of mine and i am fine with it.
Rephrasing (wherever possible). Example Yes, I do things for 2-3 days I accept this current state of mine, and I am fine with if. I will try and see how to move it to 2-4 days.
Work on your self-talk
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Sreedhar’s Answer

Hello Piyush,
What you are feeling is very common. Nobody has figured out everything about themselves. That is why we have a lifetime. So, my recommendation is to increase (a little at first) your interaction with others near you. Even saying simple "Hello, how are you?" to others will immediately make you feel good, even though for the first couple of times, you will feel awkward. Then, you will be well on your way to feeling much better. After that, everything else will fall into place neatly.

Good luck!
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James Constantine’s Answer

Hello Piyush!

It's great that you're reaching out and reflecting deeply on your situation. Here are some steps and strategies that might help you shift your mindset and take action:

### 1. **Identify Small, Achievable Goals**
- **Start Small**: Set small, manageable goals that you can achieve daily. For example, study for 30 minutes without distractions.
- **Track Progress**: Use a journal or an app to track your daily achievements, no matter how small. This can help build a sense of accomplishment and momentum.

### 2. **Create a Structured Routine**
- **Daily Schedule**: Develop a daily schedule that includes specific times for studying, breaks, and leisure activities. Stick to it as closely as possible.
- **Prioritize Tasks**: Make a list of tasks in order of importance and tackle them one by one.

### 3. **Limit Phone Usage**
- **Set Boundaries**: Designate specific times for phone use and avoid using it during study periods.
- **Use Apps**: Consider using productivity apps that limit your screen time or block distracting apps.

### 4. **Overcome Procrastination**
- **Break Tasks Down**: Break larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This can make them feel less overwhelming.
- **Use the Pomodoro Technique**: Work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. Repeat this cycle four times, then take a longer break.

### 5. **Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome**
- **Enjoy Learning**: Try to find joy in the process of learning and coding, rather than just focusing on the end result.
- **Embrace Challenges**: View challenges and difficult problems as opportunities to grow and learn.

### 6. **Address Self-Doubt and Fear of Judgment**
- **Positive Self-Talk**: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and past achievements.
- **Practice Exposure**: Gradually expose yourself to situations that make you anxious. Start with small, less intimidating scenarios and gradually work your way up.

### 7. **Seek Support**
- **Talk to Trusted Individuals**: While professional counseling might not be an option, talking to a trusted friend or family member can provide support and accountability.
- **Online Communities**: Engage with online communities related to your interests (like coding forums) where you can find support and motivation.

### 8. **Reflect and Adjust**
- **Regular Reflection**: Set aside time each week to reflect on your progress, what's working, and what isn't. Adjust your strategies as needed.
- **Celebrate Small Wins**: Acknowledge and celebrate your small victories to stay motivated.

### 9. **Practice Self-Care**
- **Physical Activity**: Incorporate some form of physical exercise into your routine. It can help reduce stress and improve focus.
- **Healthy Habits**: Ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated. The "About James Constantine" section of my Autobiography has nutrition information. It is the answer to the question, "What Do You Actually Do At Work?" I have been programming computers since 1972. I have been writing nutrition education software since 1994.

### 10. **Accept Imperfection**
- **Embrace Imperfection**: Understand that it's okay to make mistakes and have setbacks. What's important is to keep moving forward and not give up.

Changing your mindset and habits takes time and effort, but with persistence and the right strategies, it's entirely possible. Remember, progress is not always linear, and it's okay to seek help along the way.

God Bless!
JC.
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Natalia’s Answer

Hello Piyush,

I understand you are feeling overwhelmed. It is okay to struggle and have setbacks. Remember, change is a process, not an event. Seek support, break tasks into smaller parts, and celebrate small victories.

Remember :“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu
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