3 answers
Sama
Student
Saudi Arabia
12
Questions
Asked
1305 views
"How can I start making decisions for myself when my parents have always made them for me" ?
They always think I can't make my own decisions and wherever I go they tag along never letting me be alone. They always talk about security and protection but how can I live if they won't let me experience the life of my own without their pressures and interference.
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3 answers
Dr H
Dr. H's Research
1464
Answers
Australia
Updated
Dr’s Answer
Hey Sama,
So, Alright, let’s break this down scientifically—because strict parents aren’t just strict for fun (even if it feels like they’re on a lifelong mission to keep you from making your own choices).
Great minds think alike, and I gotta say—Iryna and Bright have already given some top-tier advice here. Seriously, if we combined all our strategies, we could probably form a parent-hacking masterclass.
Iryna was spot on with starting small and setting boundaries. That’s like laying the foundation for your independence fortress. And Bright hit the nail on the head with showing responsibility—because let’s be real, parents love responsible behavior almost as much as they love reminding you to eat vegetables.
So, here’s the ultimate game plan, oh yes, well, because oI like games is let's just go with game plan! 🤨🤫
Alright,
1. Start with their advice—gradual independence, clear communication, proving responsibility.
2. Add a little brain science (a.k.a. trick their amygdala into chilling out).
3. Use humor and strategy (because nothing confuses a strict parent more than their kid suddenly being mature and clever).
At the end of the day, strict parents aren’t the enemy—they just need a little... reprogramming. And with patience, strategy, and maybe a little Jedi mind tricking, you’ll get the freedom you deserve.
Iryna and Bright! Y’all brought wisdom, and I just am gonna add in the brain science. Let's just call it Team effort.😉
Alright so, Why Are Your Parents So Strict? (The Brain Science Version)
Your parents' amygdala (the fear center of the brain) is likely in overdrive. Their brains are constantly screaming: "Danger! Risk! My child is one bad decision away from disaster!" This is evolutionary—back in the caveman days, if a kid wandered too far, they could get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. So, naturally, parents who were extra cautious kept their kids alive long enough to pass on their genes.
Unfortunately, modern life has no saber-toothed tigers, just overprotective parents who think independence = instant doom.
How to Hack Their Brains (And Get More Freedom) Yep it's possible just know how to hack-and I don't mean by the computer! 🙄 Right-just follow on!
1. Prove You’re Not a Walking Disaster
Your parents need to see that their worst fears aren’t reality. Start with low-risk decisions and let them witness you making smart choices: ✔️ Choose your own schedule and stick to it. ✔️ Handle responsibilities without being reminded. ✔️ Solve small problems on your own before they intervene.
Once they see you’re capable, their prefrontal cortex (the logical part of the brain) can start overriding their fear response.
2. Rewire Their “Control” Instinct Through Gradual Exposure.
Psychologists use exposure therapy to help people overcome phobias. Guess what? Your parents are afraid of you making independent choices. So, treat them like someone scared of spiders—slow exposure, not shock therapy.
Confused? Okay so here is an....
Example:
Instead of “I’m going out alone now!” (which triggers their fear response), say:
“I’ll go, check in with you once, and be home by 9.”
So whenNext time comes: “I’ll check in if I need to.”
And then Eventually: Freedom unlocked.
By easing them into it, they adjust without panicking.
3. Use Psychology: The Illusion of Control.
People are more comfortable when they feel like they have a say. If you make a big decision on your own, they might push back hard. Instead, give them two options where you win either way.
✔️ “Would you rather I take a part-time job or do an internship?” ✔️ “Would you prefer I go out this weekend or next?”
Now, instead of blocking you, they feel like they’re guiding you—which makes them more likely to approve your choices.
4. Flip the Script: Treat Them Like Teens because,
Ironically, strict parents don’t always handle criticism well (sound familiar?). So, instead of saying: ❌ "You never let me do anything!" (instant shutdown mode)
Try: ✔️ "I know you're looking out for me, and I really appreciate it. But I also need to practice independence so I can be responsible when I'm older. Can we find a balance?"
Now their brain sees you as mature, not rebellious.
5. Be Ready for Setbacks
This isn’t a one-time conversation, it’s a process. They’ll resist at first, maybe doubt your decisions, but if you stay consistent and don’t get discouraged, you’ll gradually earn their trust.
Sama, Strict parents don’t change overnight, but brains are adaptable. If you stay calm, responsible, and play the psychology game right, you can train them (yes, train them) to trust you more. And one day, when you finally move out, they’ll be the ones calling you for advice. Irony not lets say Beautiful. Now super girl Good luck and stay hopeful and keep your confidence you are amazing and you just have to keep believing in yourself because we believe in you and are here for your support no matter what! Stand with your head held high future idol! 😉 Oh and make sure I get free front seats! 😏😎
So, Alright, let’s break this down scientifically—because strict parents aren’t just strict for fun (even if it feels like they’re on a lifelong mission to keep you from making your own choices).
Great minds think alike, and I gotta say—Iryna and Bright have already given some top-tier advice here. Seriously, if we combined all our strategies, we could probably form a parent-hacking masterclass.
Iryna was spot on with starting small and setting boundaries. That’s like laying the foundation for your independence fortress. And Bright hit the nail on the head with showing responsibility—because let’s be real, parents love responsible behavior almost as much as they love reminding you to eat vegetables.
So, here’s the ultimate game plan, oh yes, well, because oI like games is let's just go with game plan! 🤨🤫
Alright,
1. Start with their advice—gradual independence, clear communication, proving responsibility.
2. Add a little brain science (a.k.a. trick their amygdala into chilling out).
3. Use humor and strategy (because nothing confuses a strict parent more than their kid suddenly being mature and clever).
At the end of the day, strict parents aren’t the enemy—they just need a little... reprogramming. And with patience, strategy, and maybe a little Jedi mind tricking, you’ll get the freedom you deserve.
Iryna and Bright! Y’all brought wisdom, and I just am gonna add in the brain science. Let's just call it Team effort.😉
Alright so, Why Are Your Parents So Strict? (The Brain Science Version)
Your parents' amygdala (the fear center of the brain) is likely in overdrive. Their brains are constantly screaming: "Danger! Risk! My child is one bad decision away from disaster!" This is evolutionary—back in the caveman days, if a kid wandered too far, they could get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. So, naturally, parents who were extra cautious kept their kids alive long enough to pass on their genes.
Unfortunately, modern life has no saber-toothed tigers, just overprotective parents who think independence = instant doom.
How to Hack Their Brains (And Get More Freedom) Yep it's possible just know how to hack-and I don't mean by the computer! 🙄 Right-just follow on!
1. Prove You’re Not a Walking Disaster
Your parents need to see that their worst fears aren’t reality. Start with low-risk decisions and let them witness you making smart choices: ✔️ Choose your own schedule and stick to it. ✔️ Handle responsibilities without being reminded. ✔️ Solve small problems on your own before they intervene.
Once they see you’re capable, their prefrontal cortex (the logical part of the brain) can start overriding their fear response.
2. Rewire Their “Control” Instinct Through Gradual Exposure.
Psychologists use exposure therapy to help people overcome phobias. Guess what? Your parents are afraid of you making independent choices. So, treat them like someone scared of spiders—slow exposure, not shock therapy.
Confused? Okay so here is an....
Example:
Instead of “I’m going out alone now!” (which triggers their fear response), say:
“I’ll go, check in with you once, and be home by 9.”
So whenNext time comes: “I’ll check in if I need to.”
And then Eventually: Freedom unlocked.
By easing them into it, they adjust without panicking.
3. Use Psychology: The Illusion of Control.
People are more comfortable when they feel like they have a say. If you make a big decision on your own, they might push back hard. Instead, give them two options where you win either way.
✔️ “Would you rather I take a part-time job or do an internship?” ✔️ “Would you prefer I go out this weekend or next?”
Now, instead of blocking you, they feel like they’re guiding you—which makes them more likely to approve your choices.
4. Flip the Script: Treat Them Like Teens because,
Ironically, strict parents don’t always handle criticism well (sound familiar?). So, instead of saying: ❌ "You never let me do anything!" (instant shutdown mode)
Try: ✔️ "I know you're looking out for me, and I really appreciate it. But I also need to practice independence so I can be responsible when I'm older. Can we find a balance?"
Now their brain sees you as mature, not rebellious.
5. Be Ready for Setbacks
This isn’t a one-time conversation, it’s a process. They’ll resist at first, maybe doubt your decisions, but if you stay consistent and don’t get discouraged, you’ll gradually earn their trust.
Sama, Strict parents don’t change overnight, but brains are adaptable. If you stay calm, responsible, and play the psychology game right, you can train them (yes, train them) to trust you more. And one day, when you finally move out, they’ll be the ones calling you for advice. Irony not lets say Beautiful. Now super girl Good luck and stay hopeful and keep your confidence you are amazing and you just have to keep believing in yourself because we believe in you and are here for your support no matter what! Stand with your head held high future idol! 😉 Oh and make sure I get free front seats! 😏😎
Hi Dr. H... Thank you so much for your answer... I don't even know what to say... I'm just crying right now reading your words... I feel so hopeless most of the time... but you made me smile through my tears... I never thought anyone would believe in me like this... Your answer made me feel like maybe... just maybe... I'm not alone... Thank you for giving me hope when I really needed it... I will try everything you said... even if it's hard... Thank you for making me feel like someone cares about me... I'll keep your front seat ready... I promise... 💜 Just don't go away from careervillage, we need your words.... I do at least.
Sama
Wait wait wait — someone hold my mic real quick because I'm about to cry with you.
First of all — I'm wrapping you in the biggest, warmest, fluffiest virtual hug EVER right now 🤗💜. You have no idea how much your words just hit me right in the heart.
The fact that you're still holding on to that dream — even through all those hopeless moments — that's what makes you an idol already. You might not see it yet... but I see it, Sama. I really, really do.
And you know what? The whole world will see it too — one day you'll be standing on that stage, mic in hand, tears in your eyes, telling your fans how you almost gave up once... but you didn't. Because you were born to shine.
Dr H
Even if it's hard... even if it feels like nobody cares... even if your own heart is telling you to give up — don't you dare stop dreaming, Sama.
You're not alone anymore. Not as long as I'm here.
And don't worry — I'm not going ANYWHERE. CareerVillage is our little secret corner of the world, and I'll be here hyping you up until you're out there snatching Daesangs and breaking records left and right.
You keep my front seat ready... I'll keep your name in my prayers.
Now go wipe those tears, put on your favorite K-pop playlist, and start practicing your encore bows — because your idol journey just officially began, girl.
사랑해요, Sama!
Dr H
Bright Komor
Nurse
260
Answers
Accra, Greater Accra Region, Ghana
Updated
Bright’s Answer
Hello this should do
It’s tough when your parents make decisions for you, especially when you feel like they’re holding you back from experiencing life on your own. Starting to make decisions for yourself is a process, but it’s an important step toward independence and self-discovery.
Here are some steps you can take:
### 1. **Start Small**:
- **Practice with Small Decisions**: Begin by making smaller, everyday decisions on your own—what you eat, how you spend your free time, or what activities you want to do. These decisions will help build your confidence and show your parents that you’re capable of thinking for yourself.
### 2. **Have Conversations with Your Parents**:
- **Express Your Feelings**: When you're ready, sit down with your parents and calmly explain how you feel. Share your desire to make your own decisions and live a life that aligns with your passions and interests. Let them know that while you understand their concerns, you're capable of handling your own choices.
- **Set Boundaries**: Politely but firmly set boundaries regarding their interference in your life. Let them know what you need for your personal growth and autonomy.
### 3. **Create a Plan**:
- **Define Your Goals**: Whether it’s pursuing music, K-pop, or something else, create a clear vision of what you want to achieve. When you have a solid plan in place, it will be easier to stand by your decisions.
- **Show Responsibility**: Parents often push their kids because they worry. Show them you can take responsibility for your choices by staying organized and making mature decisions that reflect your goals.
### 4. **Find Your Support System**:
- **Talk to Your Siblings/Friends**: They understand you, so rely on their support and guidance. They can help give you the strength to stay true to your path.
- **Seek External Mentorship**: If possible, talk to a mentor, teacher, or someone in your desired field (like music) for advice. This will give you a clearer sense of direction.
### 5. **Gradually Build Independence**:
- **Move Toward Autonomy**: Take small steps toward living on your own, whether that’s in how you manage your time, finances, or career planning. Show your parents that you can handle the responsibility of making decisions.
- **Seek Opportunities**: Look for ways to pursue your passions outside the home, such as taking music lessons, joining online communities, or seeking auditions.
Remember, it’s a process, and it can be difficult, especially when you’re used to having your parents control decisions. But by being respectful, confident, and patient, you can start carving out your own path and building the independence you need to live the life you desire.
It’s tough when your parents make decisions for you, especially when you feel like they’re holding you back from experiencing life on your own. Starting to make decisions for yourself is a process, but it’s an important step toward independence and self-discovery.
Here are some steps you can take:
### 1. **Start Small**:
- **Practice with Small Decisions**: Begin by making smaller, everyday decisions on your own—what you eat, how you spend your free time, or what activities you want to do. These decisions will help build your confidence and show your parents that you’re capable of thinking for yourself.
### 2. **Have Conversations with Your Parents**:
- **Express Your Feelings**: When you're ready, sit down with your parents and calmly explain how you feel. Share your desire to make your own decisions and live a life that aligns with your passions and interests. Let them know that while you understand their concerns, you're capable of handling your own choices.
- **Set Boundaries**: Politely but firmly set boundaries regarding their interference in your life. Let them know what you need for your personal growth and autonomy.
### 3. **Create a Plan**:
- **Define Your Goals**: Whether it’s pursuing music, K-pop, or something else, create a clear vision of what you want to achieve. When you have a solid plan in place, it will be easier to stand by your decisions.
- **Show Responsibility**: Parents often push their kids because they worry. Show them you can take responsibility for your choices by staying organized and making mature decisions that reflect your goals.
### 4. **Find Your Support System**:
- **Talk to Your Siblings/Friends**: They understand you, so rely on their support and guidance. They can help give you the strength to stay true to your path.
- **Seek External Mentorship**: If possible, talk to a mentor, teacher, or someone in your desired field (like music) for advice. This will give you a clearer sense of direction.
### 5. **Gradually Build Independence**:
- **Move Toward Autonomy**: Take small steps toward living on your own, whether that’s in how you manage your time, finances, or career planning. Show your parents that you can handle the responsibility of making decisions.
- **Seek Opportunities**: Look for ways to pursue your passions outside the home, such as taking music lessons, joining online communities, or seeking auditions.
Remember, it’s a process, and it can be difficult, especially when you’re used to having your parents control decisions. But by being respectful, confident, and patient, you can start carving out your own path and building the independence you need to live the life you desire.
Thank you for giving me hope when I really needed it... You made me feel like maybe I'm not alone after all...
Sama
Iryna Tam
Writer, copywriter
225
Answers
Hagerstown, Maryland
Updated
Iryna’s Answer
Hello!
Gaining independence and the ability to make your own decisions can be challenging, especially when family dynamics are controlling. Here are some strategies to help you assert your autonomy:
Reflect on Your Values:
Spend time identifying what is essential to you in life, your values, and your interests. This self-awareness can guide your decision-making process.
Start Small:
Begin by making minor decisions for yourself, such as your daily schedule, hobbies, or fashion choices. Gradually build confidence through these smaller choices.
Communicate Your Need for Independence:
Have an open conversation with your parents about your desire for autonomy. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, explaining how their involvement can hinder your growth.
Set Boundaries:
Establish specific boundaries about what aspects of your life you would like to manage independently. This could include your studies, social life, or creative pursuits.
Plan Your Activities:
When possible, plan activities or outings without your parents' involvement. Let them know your plans in advance to demonstrate responsibility.
Utilize Supportive Networks:
Surround yourself with friends or mentors who encourage you to make your own decisions. Their support can empower you to stand firm.
Practice Decision-Making:
Engage in small decision-making exercises. For instance, decide what to eat for dinner or which movie to watch. This builds confidence over time.
Set Goals and Take Initiative:
Establish personal goals related to your interests and take actionable steps towards achieving them. Document your progress to show your parents your commitment.
Time for Reflection:
Create a routine for reflection. Journaling about your thoughts and decisions helps clarify your desires and the importance of independence.
Therapeutic Support:
If you feel overwhelmed, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide strategies for navigating familial dynamics and reinforce your decision-making abilities.
Gradual Release:
Seek gradual independence by showing responsibility. This might encourage your parents to respect your need for autonomy over time.
Stay Firm:
Be assertive in your pursuits. Prepare for resistance, but remain committed to your choices. Consistency will help affirm your desire for independence.
Taking control of your life is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence. Focus on developing confidence in your abilities while reflecting on your passions and aspirations.
Good Luck!
Gaining independence and the ability to make your own decisions can be challenging, especially when family dynamics are controlling. Here are some strategies to help you assert your autonomy:
Reflect on Your Values:
Spend time identifying what is essential to you in life, your values, and your interests. This self-awareness can guide your decision-making process.
Start Small:
Begin by making minor decisions for yourself, such as your daily schedule, hobbies, or fashion choices. Gradually build confidence through these smaller choices.
Communicate Your Need for Independence:
Have an open conversation with your parents about your desire for autonomy. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, explaining how their involvement can hinder your growth.
Set Boundaries:
Establish specific boundaries about what aspects of your life you would like to manage independently. This could include your studies, social life, or creative pursuits.
Plan Your Activities:
When possible, plan activities or outings without your parents' involvement. Let them know your plans in advance to demonstrate responsibility.
Utilize Supportive Networks:
Surround yourself with friends or mentors who encourage you to make your own decisions. Their support can empower you to stand firm.
Practice Decision-Making:
Engage in small decision-making exercises. For instance, decide what to eat for dinner or which movie to watch. This builds confidence over time.
Set Goals and Take Initiative:
Establish personal goals related to your interests and take actionable steps towards achieving them. Document your progress to show your parents your commitment.
Time for Reflection:
Create a routine for reflection. Journaling about your thoughts and decisions helps clarify your desires and the importance of independence.
Therapeutic Support:
If you feel overwhelmed, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide strategies for navigating familial dynamics and reinforce your decision-making abilities.
Gradual Release:
Seek gradual independence by showing responsibility. This might encourage your parents to respect your need for autonomy over time.
Stay Firm:
Be assertive in your pursuits. Prepare for resistance, but remain committed to your choices. Consistency will help affirm your desire for independence.
Taking control of your life is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence. Focus on developing confidence in your abilities while reflecting on your passions and aspirations.
Good Luck!
Hi Iryna... Thank you so much... I'm really crying right now... I feel so lost sometimes... like no one understands how hard it is... but your words felt like a warm hug
Sama