Any tips to help me with my confidence ?

Hi! This is actually something I’ve struggled with personally - if I don’t try something, then I can’t fail at it. Don’t raise my hand, don’t apply for that job, the list goes on. But this mean I also don’t get to find out if I’ll succeed at those things.

There are plenty of ways to tackle this issue, but I doubt you want to read a whole essay - so I have two suggestions.

1) do you have a basis for this fear? If you have failed at a lot of things, then it will be about trying to overcome it, work hard, and succeed (easier said than done, of course). If you have a history, however, of avoiding things because you think you may not do well (ahem, me...I’ve also failed a few things. Who hasn’t!), then it will be all about “outcome thinking”....ask yourself “what’s the worst possible outcome if I apply to X,” AND “what’s the best possible outcome”......usually the best possible result heavily outweighs the worst.

2) Fake it til you make it. This sounds ridiculous, but sometimes it works. Kind of like acting your butt off. But think of it less as being fake, and more of simply trying to make something a habit. For example, I really hate confrontation. But sometimes you need to confront people and just tell them how you feel. This is something I had to fake (my feelings were real, I was simply faking feeling totally comfortable doing it ). Now, for the most part, I am able to actually do this without getting tok sweaty. So if you’re not feeling confident, just fake it. Strong handshake, assertive voice...even if they don’t come naturally.

Two options, try one, try both, try neither haha- but just know that there is not one person on this planet who does not have a skill (whether it’s unique or not). Everyone can do something! I know this was long-winded, but that’s just my style. Hope it helped some!

Hi Fahmeda, When I have worked with clients trying to build confidence and overcome social anxiety, I have found that practicing has been the most helpful for them. First learn a few techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help calm the anxiety. Then schedule or set up a few internship interviews or set aside time to apply to internship positions that you have less interest in for practice. List the qualities you have to offer an internship experience, such as education, current research and knowledge. Once you have practiced a few times and feeling a little more calm then apply and interview with internship opportunities that you have a stronger interest. Practice can help you improve skills and confidence when feeling worried and anxious about interviews and promoting ourselves.

Fahmeda, I have struggled with the same most of my life. And when I had to walk into an FBI office, on my first missing person, I had to be confident. There was no room for insecurities. I rehearsed my presentation, for several days, before I went. Even in the mirror. I had never even seen an FBI agent, ever. Other than TV. I knew that if I had to gain any respect from this person, I had to look him into the eyes. That is the main key during interviews. The ones where I find myself bowing my head and looking at my feet. He said to me, “ I know you are being honest with me”. So have faith in your self, for just being an honest person. I also cried during the interview. I realized that I had to be unafraid to show who I really was. Here is the title of a book, that helped me through this. I even used the book’s strategy during that interview. It’s called:” Winning Every Time” by Lis Wiehl. It’s a book based on how to get what you want, by using the skills of a lawyer. I thought to myself, what better tools could I have in a U.S. Justice Department Office, than those that were written, by a former Federal Prosecutor. It gave me a lot of confidence, just walking into the building.

Hi Fahmeda,

Confidence is one thing that I have been trying to built and worked on over years. I always wanted to overcome social anxiety as well. After my first job as an engineer, I chose to join the Airlines and became a flight attendant. The role gave me a chance to have interaction with other people every flights I operated. I used to be very shy to talk to stranger especially to someone who don't speak the same language as me. Being a cabin crew has changed me to be more brave to start talking to others first. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to complete or fulfill the job. For me, any jobs that give you a chance to have interaction with others is very helpful to build up the confidence and train you to be less anxious kind of person.

Hi Fahmeda, don't worry, you're not alone! As you can see from all the answers so far, a lot of people have been fighting this problem including myself :) So when I saw your question, I got a lot to say and feel I can really offer some help here.

The most important thing first is to accept who you're, and observe around, you'll find many others like you. Don't try to change from who you're, since it will make you feel painful and hurt confidence more. Check out how others like you handled this type of situations, and what they achieved, then you may find some path that you can follow as well.

The next thing is to have a clear goal. Do not just set a big goal, but you can further break it down to small steps, identify which steps are challenging and focus your attention there. Use your mind to control your body to carry out the hard gestures you need to take in order to overcome the interview, i.e. walk up and speak to the recruiter, sell yourself, talk to your mentor, etc.

Above is my approach to walk out of my comfort zone and make progress. Keep in mind that whatever you do, you are looking for a good fit. So it's actually never that you're not good enough, but just you haven't found something or someone fitting you well. So relax, don't be stressed out, just do your best, and naturally, something will come. And when you get better, more better things will come.