6 answers
Zae'onna
Student
12
Questions
Updated
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Is using my close friends death as an accomplishment I learned to accept and have another reason to reach my life goal too much for my college essay?
Just a thought I had in my head, because I don't have any trauma I went through because I lived a good life and child hood but I know losing my friend was my biggest heart break, if that makes sense?
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6 answers
Arush Anand
Associate Architect
20
Answers
Bengaluru, Karnataka, India
Updated
Arush’s Answer
Hi Zae'onna,
That’s a really thoughtful and important question. Using something as personal and painful as the death of a close friend in a college essay can be powerful, but it depends very much on how you frame it.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
When it can work well:
Focus on growth and resilience – Admissions officers want to see how challenges shaped you, not just what happened.
Connect to your goals – Show how this loss gave you perspective, motivation, or clarity about what you want to pursue.
Keep the essay about you – Your friend’s death is part of the story, but the spotlight should stay on your journey, how you processed it, and what you’ve done since.
Risks to avoid:
Too heavy on the tragedy – If the essay spends most of the time describing your friend or the circumstances of their death, it can feel overwhelming or like the focus is elsewhere.
Unresolved grief – If the essay feels like it’s still in the raw stages of mourning, it can read more as a personal journal than a reflection for admissions.
Framing as the only reason for your goals – Colleges may worry if it seems like your entire motivation rests only on this tragedy, instead of showing a broader sense of self and purpose.
How to balance it:
You can acknowledge your friend’s passing as a pivotal event, but pivot quickly to what it taught you (acceptance, empathy, drive, appreciation for time, etc.).
Use specific actions you took after that loss—whether that’s working harder, pursuing a certain activity, supporting others, or refocusing on your studies—to demonstrate growth.
End on a forward-looking note, showing how this experience will shape the way you contribute to a campus community.
Sharing one example of a balanced approach:
Instead of writing “My friend’s death devastated me, and I couldn’t function”, you could frame it as “Losing my friend forced me to confront the fragility of life. In that process, I learned to value perseverance and to honor their memory by pursuing my goals with purpose. That shift gave me the resilience to…”
Regards,
Arush
That’s a really thoughtful and important question. Using something as personal and painful as the death of a close friend in a college essay can be powerful, but it depends very much on how you frame it.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
When it can work well:
Focus on growth and resilience – Admissions officers want to see how challenges shaped you, not just what happened.
Connect to your goals – Show how this loss gave you perspective, motivation, or clarity about what you want to pursue.
Keep the essay about you – Your friend’s death is part of the story, but the spotlight should stay on your journey, how you processed it, and what you’ve done since.
Risks to avoid:
Too heavy on the tragedy – If the essay spends most of the time describing your friend or the circumstances of their death, it can feel overwhelming or like the focus is elsewhere.
Unresolved grief – If the essay feels like it’s still in the raw stages of mourning, it can read more as a personal journal than a reflection for admissions.
Framing as the only reason for your goals – Colleges may worry if it seems like your entire motivation rests only on this tragedy, instead of showing a broader sense of self and purpose.
How to balance it:
You can acknowledge your friend’s passing as a pivotal event, but pivot quickly to what it taught you (acceptance, empathy, drive, appreciation for time, etc.).
Use specific actions you took after that loss—whether that’s working harder, pursuing a certain activity, supporting others, or refocusing on your studies—to demonstrate growth.
End on a forward-looking note, showing how this experience will shape the way you contribute to a campus community.
Sharing one example of a balanced approach:
Instead of writing “My friend’s death devastated me, and I couldn’t function”, you could frame it as “Losing my friend forced me to confront the fragility of life. In that process, I learned to value perseverance and to honor their memory by pursuing my goals with purpose. That shift gave me the resilience to…”
Regards,
Arush
Arush, thank you!
Zae'onna
Karin P.
Lecturer, Academic Advisor, Career Coach
1093
Answers
Göttingen, Lower Saxony, Germany
Updated
Karin’s Answer
Hi Zae'onna,
Your college essay doesn't have to be a tragic story or a story of hardship. Your topic can be almost anything. It depends what you make of it and how your story shows you as a person that will contribute valuable perspectives to the campus community. The tragedy topic is tempting because there is an easy-to-see arc from the time the tragedy happened to saying "I overcame and it shows my resilience etc".
The danger of a tragedy topic is that (a) it might be overdone because many students write similar essays, and (b) it often turns into an essay where you just tell what you want the reader to think of you vs showing who you are. In your case, there is also a danger that you write more about your friend than about yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean that it is a bad topic or that you should stay away from it, but be mindful of how you frame it.
I hope this helps! All the best to you!
KP
Your college essay doesn't have to be a tragic story or a story of hardship. Your topic can be almost anything. It depends what you make of it and how your story shows you as a person that will contribute valuable perspectives to the campus community. The tragedy topic is tempting because there is an easy-to-see arc from the time the tragedy happened to saying "I overcame and it shows my resilience etc".
The danger of a tragedy topic is that (a) it might be overdone because many students write similar essays, and (b) it often turns into an essay where you just tell what you want the reader to think of you vs showing who you are. In your case, there is also a danger that you write more about your friend than about yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean that it is a bad topic or that you should stay away from it, but be mindful of how you frame it.
I hope this helps! All the best to you!
KP
wendy gibson
Senior Program manager
10
Answers
Omaha, Nebraska
Updated
wendy’s Answer
Your college essay can be about anything you choose. It doesn't have to focus on hardships or tough times. Feel free to write about the wonderful experiences you've had and how they've helped you learn and grow. Every experience, whether positive or negative, contributes to your growth. There's no single right way to write your essay, and colleges understand that. Show your ambition, share your successes and failures, and explain how you've overcome challenges. Let them see who you are now and who you aspire to be. Make sure your essay reflects why the college is a good fit for you and why you're a great fit for them. Honest and heartfelt essays that highlight your true qualities are what matter most. If you do this, any college would be thrilled to have you!
Daniela Tovar Henao
Marketing
2
Answers
Bogotá, Colombia
Updated
Daniela’s Answer
Hi! Thank you for opening up and sharing something so personal. First, please don’t feel like your life story has to fit a certain mold for it to be “worthy” of a college essay. Everyone’s experiences are unique, and what shapes you — even if it doesn’t look like what others have gone through — is completely valid. Losing a close friend is a deep and painful experience, and it’s understandable that it has had a big impact on you.
You might also try a bit of introspection to explore other moments in your life that reveal your resilience, growth, or values. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we’ve overcome or achieved, and speaking with people close to you can help you see yourself from another perspective. They may remember moments when you showed strength, leadership, or compassion that you didn’t even notice.
If you do choose to write about your friend’s passing, focus not only on the loss but on how it shaped your outlook, values, or drive toward your goals. Admissions officers often look for reflection and growth rather than just the event itself.
Your experiences — big or small — are valid and meaningful. What matters most is how you tell your story and what it reveals about who you are.
Dani :)
You might also try a bit of introspection to explore other moments in your life that reveal your resilience, growth, or values. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we’ve overcome or achieved, and speaking with people close to you can help you see yourself from another perspective. They may remember moments when you showed strength, leadership, or compassion that you didn’t even notice.
If you do choose to write about your friend’s passing, focus not only on the loss but on how it shaped your outlook, values, or drive toward your goals. Admissions officers often look for reflection and growth rather than just the event itself.
Your experiences — big or small — are valid and meaningful. What matters most is how you tell your story and what it reveals about who you are.
Dani :)
Loved reading this, thanks!
Zae'onna
Phill Pezo
Industrial Design
103
Answers
Nutley, New Jersey
Updated
Phill’s Answer
Hey Zae'onna,
Writing a college essay can be difficult, especially when it comes to debating how much personal aspects you want to share. I went through something similar and I used my story in my college essay. At the time, I was still processing, and had used that as an opportunity to process and accept. I ended up writing about 8-10 pages about my experience. It became a therapeutic exercise that really helped. I then cut back to what was necessary.
It can be good to write about a heavy and harsh experience. I think I had even mentioned that I am still processing as I continue to look for colleges to apply to. This can show that you are a strong and determined person that can accomplish a lot. Be sure to relate how it has progressed you as a human and student. Having a compelling hook at the very beginning can catch someones attention right away. Make sure to talk more about yourself than just what you went through.
Best of luck on your journey!
Writing a college essay can be difficult, especially when it comes to debating how much personal aspects you want to share. I went through something similar and I used my story in my college essay. At the time, I was still processing, and had used that as an opportunity to process and accept. I ended up writing about 8-10 pages about my experience. It became a therapeutic exercise that really helped. I then cut back to what was necessary.
It can be good to write about a heavy and harsh experience. I think I had even mentioned that I am still processing as I continue to look for colleges to apply to. This can show that you are a strong and determined person that can accomplish a lot. Be sure to relate how it has progressed you as a human and student. Having a compelling hook at the very beginning can catch someones attention right away. Make sure to talk more about yourself than just what you went through.
Best of luck on your journey!
Thank you, this is amazing! I really needed it.
Zae'onna
Don Holland
Member Service Representative/Food Runner
244
Answers
Austin, Texas
Updated
Don’s Answer
Hello Zae'onna,
It is good that you cared about your friend and want to honor them in the best way possible. I don't think that it is too much to talk about your friends life as long as it is appropriate for the prompt and you do your best to respect your friend. It is important to recognize what your friend meant to you and if you write about them then other people can understand who they were as a person. I hope this advice helps and condolences to your friend!
It is good that you cared about your friend and want to honor them in the best way possible. I don't think that it is too much to talk about your friends life as long as it is appropriate for the prompt and you do your best to respect your friend. It is important to recognize what your friend meant to you and if you write about them then other people can understand who they were as a person. I hope this advice helps and condolences to your friend!