6 answers
London
Student
Lehi, Utah
3
Questions
Asked
1900 views
How can I mentally be okay during training?
Back in 2024 I lost my gymnastics coach to suicide and then gymnastics just got harder. My mental state at the time was not good because I had just moved to a new house and I was going to switch schools in the upcoming year. I was leaving all of my friends and the only person who helped me through it was my coach. My mental state is much better after going to therapy for a while. But sometimes I just cry at gymnastics because I can't forget about my coach. Any ideas to keep her with me as a good thing and not cry during practice?
6 answers
Irelis Rodriguez
Self published author
22
Answers
Tampa, Florida
Updated
Irelis’s Answer
I am sorry for the loss of your coach and hopefully he can see how far you become because for me, when I think of my father passing away. I thought of how much he was proud of me on how much I went through and still fight for my goal and dreams I had since day one.
Your coach will still see you even if you can’t see them but they will always be in your heart because you love them and of course they love you as well too, they hadn’t left by your side because they are always there for you when you are in the lowest of your life.
Your coach will still wish he could be there for you but he won’t give up upon you and they want you to be strong enough to fight through it, and yes they might admit that life is hard to get by but they want to let you know that the struggle is real and giving up isn’t option, you keep trying because they want to see you succeed in life when life hits you hard to the ground, you get up and climb up to the top because discipline comes with patience but discouragement doesn’t get you now where in life, that is hard truth right there.
Your coach will still see you even if you can’t see them but they will always be in your heart because you love them and of course they love you as well too, they hadn’t left by your side because they are always there for you when you are in the lowest of your life.
Your coach will still wish he could be there for you but he won’t give up upon you and they want you to be strong enough to fight through it, and yes they might admit that life is hard to get by but they want to let you know that the struggle is real and giving up isn’t option, you keep trying because they want to see you succeed in life when life hits you hard to the ground, you get up and climb up to the top because discipline comes with patience but discouragement doesn’t get you now where in life, that is hard truth right there.
Hwal Lee
DMSc, PA-C
288
Answers
Albany, New York
Updated
Hwal’s Answer
London,
I'm sorry to hear about your coach. It sounds like you still participate in gymnastics, so you must really enjoy it. I feel like there's no quick answer because adjusting to life after losing someone close to you is a long process. I lost my classmate a few years ago and I didn't even realise the loss was affecting me deeply until years later. I'm glad therapy was helpful and you're in a better place, although it seems like the loss is still affecting you. I would suggest talking to someone about this so that you can better understand what happens when you cry during practice. This could be extending therapy with the same or a different mental health professional so that you can make the best of your practice sessions and, more importantly, make the most out of each day. I don't believe that you will ever forget your coach. I believe that she will always live - in your memories, and in the memories of others she coached.
Let me share some resources you may not be familiar with. This one is called Living with Suicide Loss, on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) website, and I think you might find it helpful to be able to connect with which individuals in your area who also lost someone to suicide through a support group:
https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone/
Here's a collection of resources for loss survivors on the AFSP website:
https://afsp.org/suicide-loss-resources/
I hope this is helpful. Let me know if you have any specific questions I can help with.
Hwal
I'm sorry to hear about your coach. It sounds like you still participate in gymnastics, so you must really enjoy it. I feel like there's no quick answer because adjusting to life after losing someone close to you is a long process. I lost my classmate a few years ago and I didn't even realise the loss was affecting me deeply until years later. I'm glad therapy was helpful and you're in a better place, although it seems like the loss is still affecting you. I would suggest talking to someone about this so that you can better understand what happens when you cry during practice. This could be extending therapy with the same or a different mental health professional so that you can make the best of your practice sessions and, more importantly, make the most out of each day. I don't believe that you will ever forget your coach. I believe that she will always live - in your memories, and in the memories of others she coached.
Let me share some resources you may not be familiar with. This one is called Living with Suicide Loss, on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) website, and I think you might find it helpful to be able to connect with which individuals in your area who also lost someone to suicide through a support group:
https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone/
Here's a collection of resources for loss survivors on the AFSP website:
https://afsp.org/suicide-loss-resources/
I hope this is helpful. Let me know if you have any specific questions I can help with.
Hwal
Leslie Mills
Talent Leader
11
Answers
Walnut Creek, California
Updated
Leslie’s Answer
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Grief is unfortunately, something we process with time. I'm so happy to hear you are working with a therapist as talking/acknowledging your feelings is essential. You miss your mentor, your coach and it's hard. You carry the memories with you and know the lessons you learned are with you for life. Whatever you can do to practice self-care is helpful. In those tough moments where emotions creep in at the most inopportune time, you can take a moment to acknowledge the feelings. As someone mentioned, practice mindfulness to bring yourself back to present. Please take care of you and show love to yourself each day. You matter.
Maryam Abdul'Ahad
Executive Assistant
4
Answers
Nutley, New Jersey
Updated
Maryam’s Answer
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Losing someone so close and understanding is incredibly hard. Remember, grief has its stages, and feeling sad is a natural part of the process. To honor their memory, you can celebrate their life and pursue the goals you shared, especially in gymnastics. It's wonderful that you're seeking therapy and working on healing. I know it's been tough dealing with such a sudden loss, but taking things one day at a time and appreciating the good in your life can help. Focus on being present and know that things will improve.
Eniola Taiwo
I teach and write as well
2
Answers
Lagos, Nigeria
Updated
Eniola’s Answer
What you’re experiencing is grief, and it makes complete sense. Your coach wasn’t just someone who taught you skills, she became your anchor during one of the most unstable seasons of your life. Losing her while everything else was already shifting (home, school, friends) meant your nervous system never really had a chance to breathe. So when you step onto the mat now, your body remembers before your mind does.
Crying at practice isn’t weakness. It’s your heart saying, “This place still carries her.”
One gentle way to keep her with you in a healthier form is to transform her from a loss into a presence. You might choose one small ritual before practice, take a breath and say internally, “This one’s for you.” Or wear a hair tie, bracelet, or ribbon in her favorite color and let it stand for her belief in you. Instead of her absence filling the room, you invite her encouragement in.
When the tears come, try not to fight them with shame. Tell yourself, “I miss someone who mattered.” Then ground yourself: feel your feet on the floor, your hands, your breath. Grief softens when it’s acknowledged.
Over time, the mat doesn’t have to be where you lose her again. It can become the place where you carry her forward, every landing, every routine, every moment you choose to keep going. That is a living tribute.
And remember this, grief doesn’t mean forgetting, it means learning to carry their love with you, so every step you take can honor them instead of breaking you.
Crying at practice isn’t weakness. It’s your heart saying, “This place still carries her.”
One gentle way to keep her with you in a healthier form is to transform her from a loss into a presence. You might choose one small ritual before practice, take a breath and say internally, “This one’s for you.” Or wear a hair tie, bracelet, or ribbon in her favorite color and let it stand for her belief in you. Instead of her absence filling the room, you invite her encouragement in.
When the tears come, try not to fight them with shame. Tell yourself, “I miss someone who mattered.” Then ground yourself: feel your feet on the floor, your hands, your breath. Grief softens when it’s acknowledged.
Over time, the mat doesn’t have to be where you lose her again. It can become the place where you carry her forward, every landing, every routine, every moment you choose to keep going. That is a living tribute.
And remember this, grief doesn’t mean forgetting, it means learning to carry their love with you, so every step you take can honor them instead of breaking you.
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
1376
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hi London,
I'm so sorry about your loss. To begin with, let me be very clear: there is nothing incorrect or weak about your response. Your coach, your sense of security, your house, your school, and your network of support all experienced simultaneous layered loss. Your body and mind are reacting to sadness in the same way that people do, particularly when it's connected to a location that has great significance, such as gymnastics.
The main reframe that could be useful is as follows: Your tears are not a sign of failure; rather, they are a reminder that gymnastics still has significance and that your coach is still in your body. Instead of "stopping feeling," your goal is to manage your emotions so they don't interfere with your training.
Here are a few practical strategies you can try:
1. Give the grief a container before practice: Because you don't yet have a clear channel for your emotions, they are overflowing during training. Spend two to five minutes, preferably alone, thinking about your coach before practice. "I'm carrying you with me today," you could say aloud or to yourself. I'll revisit these emotions in the future. This establishes a barrier to prevent your brain from surprising you in the middle of your routine.
2. Turn your coach into a performance anchor, not a trigger: Choose a common statement, correction, or piece of advice from your coach. Use that statement in place of the spiral whenever you start to cry. Her presence is thus reframed as supporting muscle memory rather than loss memory. Your body will eventually associate her with strength once more.
3. Use grounding, not suppression, during practice
Try this softly when you're feeling emotional:
- Firmly plant your feet on the ground.
- Breathe in slowly through your nose and out slowly through your mouth for a longer period of time.
- Name three bodily sensations (chalk, mat, grip, and balance). Your nervous system is notified, "I am safe right now," by this.
4. Create a ritual that honors her without overwhelming you: You should touch the beam once before beginning, wear a small charm, or tie your hair in a particular way. This prevents your sadness from suddenly overwhelming you by providing a symbolic release valve.
5. Adjust your expectations; healing is non-linear: There will still be difficult days. You're not regressing when you cry. It shows your brain is assimilating the loss into your current identity. Even when it hurts, that is growth.
Another important consideration is that since gymnastics used to be your safe haven, it makes sense that grief now manifests there. Her memory will eventually change from one of suffering to one of fuel when you reclaim that place as your own.
You've already done the most difficult part: you attended therapy, you continued to participate in the sport, and you're wondering how to go on rather than giving up. That shows your resilience, even on the days when you don't feel like it.
The journey continued to involve your coach. Basically, she is no longer the one with the stopwatch. You are allowed to take her with you—not in silence, but with strength.
Best wishes!
I'm so sorry about your loss. To begin with, let me be very clear: there is nothing incorrect or weak about your response. Your coach, your sense of security, your house, your school, and your network of support all experienced simultaneous layered loss. Your body and mind are reacting to sadness in the same way that people do, particularly when it's connected to a location that has great significance, such as gymnastics.
The main reframe that could be useful is as follows: Your tears are not a sign of failure; rather, they are a reminder that gymnastics still has significance and that your coach is still in your body. Instead of "stopping feeling," your goal is to manage your emotions so they don't interfere with your training.
Here are a few practical strategies you can try:
1. Give the grief a container before practice: Because you don't yet have a clear channel for your emotions, they are overflowing during training. Spend two to five minutes, preferably alone, thinking about your coach before practice. "I'm carrying you with me today," you could say aloud or to yourself. I'll revisit these emotions in the future. This establishes a barrier to prevent your brain from surprising you in the middle of your routine.
2. Turn your coach into a performance anchor, not a trigger: Choose a common statement, correction, or piece of advice from your coach. Use that statement in place of the spiral whenever you start to cry. Her presence is thus reframed as supporting muscle memory rather than loss memory. Your body will eventually associate her with strength once more.
3. Use grounding, not suppression, during practice
Try this softly when you're feeling emotional:
- Firmly plant your feet on the ground.
- Breathe in slowly through your nose and out slowly through your mouth for a longer period of time.
- Name three bodily sensations (chalk, mat, grip, and balance). Your nervous system is notified, "I am safe right now," by this.
4. Create a ritual that honors her without overwhelming you: You should touch the beam once before beginning, wear a small charm, or tie your hair in a particular way. This prevents your sadness from suddenly overwhelming you by providing a symbolic release valve.
5. Adjust your expectations; healing is non-linear: There will still be difficult days. You're not regressing when you cry. It shows your brain is assimilating the loss into your current identity. Even when it hurts, that is growth.
Another important consideration is that since gymnastics used to be your safe haven, it makes sense that grief now manifests there. Her memory will eventually change from one of suffering to one of fuel when you reclaim that place as your own.
You've already done the most difficult part: you attended therapy, you continued to participate in the sport, and you're wondering how to go on rather than giving up. That shows your resilience, even on the days when you don't feel like it.
The journey continued to involve your coach. Basically, she is no longer the one with the stopwatch. You are allowed to take her with you—not in silence, but with strength.
Best wishes!
Thank you, Chinyere for the advice.
London
reading this made me cry because usually no one really understands my pain but knowing that someone can understand makes me extremely happy. Thank you for this
London
You're welcome, London!
Chinyere Okafor
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