3 answers
Tayvon
Student
1
Question
Updated
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How do you handle a child that is considered difficult or one that is unwilling to participate?
I want to be a child psychologist when I grow up. I’m sure I’ll work with all kinds of children. How can I assist those who may not want to participate?
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3 answers
Alexander Figueroa
Technical Support Manager
13
Answers
San José, Costa Rica
Updated
Alexander’s Answer
Try to remember that there’s always more to the story.
A lot of times, kids who are seen as “difficult” are already being judged or misunderstood by the people around them. Instead of pushing them to participate right away, I’d focus on building trust first.
What that looks like:
1. Be patient and listen
Let them talk at their own pace. Sometimes just feeling heard makes a huge difference.
2. Don’t force it
If a child doesn’t want to participate, there’s usually a reason. Pushing too hard can make them shut down even more.
3. Connect through their interests
Find something they enjoy—games, art, music, anything—and use that as a way to build a relationship.
4. Look deeper
Some kids struggle with things like ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, or Dyslexia. What can look like “bad behavior” is often just them trying their best to cope.
I know that because I was considered the “difficult” kid at one point. In reality, I was trying my best to fit in.
Be patient and listen
Don’t force it
Connect through their interests
Look deeper
A lot of times, kids who are seen as “difficult” are already being judged or misunderstood by the people around them. Instead of pushing them to participate right away, I’d focus on building trust first.
What that looks like:
1. Be patient and listen
Let them talk at their own pace. Sometimes just feeling heard makes a huge difference.
2. Don’t force it
If a child doesn’t want to participate, there’s usually a reason. Pushing too hard can make them shut down even more.
3. Connect through their interests
Find something they enjoy—games, art, music, anything—and use that as a way to build a relationship.
4. Look deeper
Some kids struggle with things like ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, or Dyslexia. What can look like “bad behavior” is often just them trying their best to cope.
I know that because I was considered the “difficult” kid at one point. In reality, I was trying my best to fit in.
Alexander recommends the following next steps:
Carla Flores
Strategy Planning
5
Answers
Guadalajara
Updated
Carla’s Answer
That’s a really important question and a big part of working with kids.
When a child is “difficult” or unwilling to participate, it’s usually a sign that something deeper is going on (like discomfort, fear, or not feeling understood). Instead of forcing participation, the key is to build trust first, going at their pace, showing patience, and creating a safe, non-judgmental space.
Sometimes that means using play, creativity, or just sitting with them until they feel ready. Flexibility is huge, what works for one child may not work for another.
Over time, as they feel more comfortable and respected, they’re much more likely to open up and engage.
When a child is “difficult” or unwilling to participate, it’s usually a sign that something deeper is going on (like discomfort, fear, or not feeling understood). Instead of forcing participation, the key is to build trust first, going at their pace, showing patience, and creating a safe, non-judgmental space.
Sometimes that means using play, creativity, or just sitting with them until they feel ready. Flexibility is huge, what works for one child may not work for another.
Over time, as they feel more comfortable and respected, they’re much more likely to open up and engage.
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
1376
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hi Tayvon,
This is a really thoughtful question, and it shows you’re already thinking like someone who wants to truly understand kids, not just “manage” them.
The first thing to understand is that there is usually a reason behind a child's behaviour when they are seen as "difficult" or hesitant to cooperate. Anxiety, dread, frustration, memories of the past, or even a lack of safety or understanding could be the cause. Therefore, child psychologists usually question, "What is this child trying to communicate?" rather than, "How do I make them cooperate?"
Building trust is one of the most important skills. It's acceptable that many kids won't immediately open up. Meeting them where they are can sometimes be as simple as playing with them, having a casual chat, or simply sitting with them. Children are much more likely to participate when they feel secure.
Giving people choice and control is another useful strategy. You may say something like, "Do you want to draw or talk?" instead of pressuring people to participate. The child feels more engaged in the process and less under pressure as a result.
The key is also patience. Some kids may take a while to progress, but it doesn't mean you're doing something incorrectly. Over time, sometimes the biggest difference is simply being present regularly and calmly.
Using inventive methods is also beneficial. Some kids open up through games, painting, storytelling, or other activities instead of using words to express themselves. Child psychology tends to be quite engaging because of this.
Most importantly, don't call the child "difficult." Your approach becomes more helpful and successful when you change your perspective from controlling to understanding. You're already asking the kind of question that great child psychologists ask. Your empathy and curiosity will help you succeed in this sector.
Best wishes!
This is a really thoughtful question, and it shows you’re already thinking like someone who wants to truly understand kids, not just “manage” them.
The first thing to understand is that there is usually a reason behind a child's behaviour when they are seen as "difficult" or hesitant to cooperate. Anxiety, dread, frustration, memories of the past, or even a lack of safety or understanding could be the cause. Therefore, child psychologists usually question, "What is this child trying to communicate?" rather than, "How do I make them cooperate?"
Building trust is one of the most important skills. It's acceptable that many kids won't immediately open up. Meeting them where they are can sometimes be as simple as playing with them, having a casual chat, or simply sitting with them. Children are much more likely to participate when they feel secure.
Giving people choice and control is another useful strategy. You may say something like, "Do you want to draw or talk?" instead of pressuring people to participate. The child feels more engaged in the process and less under pressure as a result.
The key is also patience. Some kids may take a while to progress, but it doesn't mean you're doing something incorrectly. Over time, sometimes the biggest difference is simply being present regularly and calmly.
Using inventive methods is also beneficial. Some kids open up through games, painting, storytelling, or other activities instead of using words to express themselves. Child psychology tends to be quite engaging because of this.
Most importantly, don't call the child "difficult." Your approach becomes more helpful and successful when you change your perspective from controlling to understanding. You're already asking the kind of question that great child psychologists ask. Your empathy and curiosity will help you succeed in this sector.
Best wishes!