Thank you for asking this question. It’s clear that you’ve been dealing with this for some time. If I did not understand you correctly, or you find this a bit blunt, please do not take offense for none was intended.
This paragraph is my summary of your question and proposed course of action. You say you define your self-worth by your success at achieving perfection in the tasks of impressing other people and living up to their expectations. But, because this level of perfection is wiping you out, you’re intending to lower your own standards and thereby your own self-worth by easing off of perfection and purposely allowing a few mistakes to slip in. In addition, you’re disassociating yourself personally from your work performance. As a result, there will be a slight reduction the quality of your work that your customers will have to live with, but your stress level will be reduced and you will enjoy life a little more.
My response is as follows. I don’t think you have an issue with perfectionism. If you have an issue, I think it’s more likely that you’ve allowed your self-worth to be defined by how well you live up to other people’s expectations. That may have worked so far, but it will not work in the long run because you have no control over what other people want and therefore you have no control over your own happiness. Criteria for your self-worth has to come from inside you. In your event planning career for example, you could do the exact same things you do now, but if the reason you work so hard is to reach goals that you set for yourself, then you can have little victories all the time and enjoy the process. Problems will still pop up, but you’re in control.
I went to a dentist for a while who openly told me that the only reason he’s doing dental work is to pay for his fancy cars. Does that sound like someone who is unattached to their work performance? Wouldn’t you rather have a dentist who did dental work because he loved it? Would you eat a meal made by someone who purposely makes mistakes, like needing 10 eggs but having only nine in the fridge so takes one already cooked off an unused plate left over from the previous meal?
Best of luck.