Kaylee
How can I unlearn perfectionism or use it for good in the career field of event planning?
I need to unlearn my perfectionism. From my career path in the event planning field, I have lived by the mundane details and the desires to deliver flawless projects, proposals, and ideas. I always carry away deep into my projects and tasks by using all my energy and motivation which drains myself. I continually feel collapsed in exhaustion. I hope to lose my perfectionism traits and in turn the idea and my efforts to relearn to focus on the process instead of the product. I hope to gain satisfaction through living in the moment instead of seeing the end goal. I tend to be my harshest critic over the small things that go wrong. I am attached to the strive for perfectionism; this stems from my sense of self-worth with living on the expectations of others. However, I need to shift this perception. I need to get in touch with the value of what I am doing and look forward. I need to break out of unrealistic expectations and feeling less compelled to do things perfectly and make mistakes. My mistakes won’t matter to anyone else nor will they be impressed. My performance needs to be unattached from myself. There is a difference between excellence and perfectionism. Excellence stems from enjoying an learning from an experience and developing confidence from within it. #perfectionism #event #planning #career #betteroneself
5 answers
Spruce Cox
Spruce’s Answer
Hey Kaylee,
Thank you for asking this question. It’s clear that you’ve been dealing with this for some time. If I did not understand you correctly, or you find this a bit blunt, please do not take offense for none was intended.
This paragraph is my summary of your question and proposed course of action. You say you define your self-worth by your success at achieving perfection in the tasks of impressing other people and living up to their expectations. But, because this level of perfection is wiping you out, you’re intending to lower your own standards and thereby your own self-worth by easing off of perfection and purposely allowing a few mistakes to slip in. In addition, you’re disassociating yourself personally from your work performance. As a result, there will be a slight reduction the quality of your work that your customers will have to live with, but your stress level will be reduced and you will enjoy life a little more.
My response is as follows. I don’t think you have an issue with perfectionism. If you have an issue, I think it’s more likely that you’ve allowed your self-worth to be defined by how well you live up to other people’s expectations. That may have worked so far, but it will not work in the long run because you have no control over what other people want and therefore you have no control over your own happiness. Criteria for your self-worth has to come from inside you. In your event planning career for example, you could do the exact same things you do now, but if the reason you work so hard is to reach goals that you set for yourself, then you can have little victories all the time and enjoy the process. Problems will still pop up, but you’re in control.
I went to a dentist for a while who openly told me that the only reason he’s doing dental work is to pay for his fancy cars. Does that sound like someone who is unattached to their work performance? Wouldn’t you rather have a dentist who did dental work because he loved it? Would you eat a meal made by someone who purposely makes mistakes, like needing 10 eggs but having only nine in the fridge so takes one already cooked off an unused plate left over from the previous meal?
Best of luck.
George Haney III (He/His/Him)
George’s Answer
You don't need to "unlearn", what you do need is to "learn" how to focus that perfectionism in the right direction, and when to turn it off. For instance, you better be LASER focused on the details of an event -- when it comes to the Emergency Preparedness of the event execution team. When a fire breaks out at a 1,000 person event - THAT is not when you "think" about how to get them ALL out of there - you plan, you practice, and you are ready.
But, lets take table clothes. You ordered the Pearl White gorgeous table clothes, they sent the so-so regular white... do you freak? You shouldn't. It isn't important.
Do SWEAT the details when it matters --> not sure if it matters?
- Will the customer cancel the event if the white isn't pearl? Nope.
- Will the customer sue you out of business if people die at their even because your team was running for the door? Yeap.
Event Planning is a great career with rewarding benefits of seeing what you did.. but don't roll in thinking it is all puppy dogs and kittens, there are some real challenges in pulling off any event with more than 2 people in it... which makes it that much more fun, engaging, and rewarding.
Good Luck
Henry Goldsmith
Henry’s Answer
Kathryn Magno
Kathryn’s Answer
As an event planner, I believe it's my job to help anticipate those issues and handle them with grace to the best of my ability. With events, it's impossible to predict ahead of time ALL of the things that could possibly go wrong, so it's good to be perfect at handling imperfections.
Events have so many people, personalities, emotions and elements involved so it's difficult to keep everything and everyone aligned. Excellent communication, organization, and prioritization are key to handling it all.
Believe in yourself. You can do it!
Dawn Buss-Zmich
Dawn’s Answer
Do not lose your "perfectionism traits", but use them to your advantage. To plan an event does need the eye of someone who is a perfectionist so that all of the details are considered in order to make sure that the event is flawless and runs smoothly. Just don't get bogged down in the small details. Do not go through analysis paralysis. Set goals and timelines.
Your vision of seeing the end goal or product is correct. You should begin with the end goal and final date for project completion and work backwards. Have a plan and set a timeline to manage the smaller goals with an eye on project completion. This might help you not to get bogged down in the details. If you break a project apart into smaller pieces, you will feel rewarded by completion of each of the smaller goals. Reach out to others for assistance in order to meet each goal and don't take everything on yourself. This might help to eliminate some of the stress and exhaustion you are feeling.
Your vision of being "flawless" relates to what YOU envision for the project, but does it really meet your customer's expectations? Be sure that you understand what your customer expects and wants from the project. What are their key points and goal expectations? What is the "big picture" or end goal? Ask questions and then outline your project plan accordingly.
Don't overthink things nor ever put yourself down. Following are 5 practices to help you become the best you can be: Focus more on positive self-talk. Make a conscious effort to stop putting yourself down. Practice kindness towards yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Think of mistakes as learning opportunities (this is HUGE - learn something new every day!). Be patient with yourself. You are correct that what you think of as a "mistake" might not be thought of the same by someone else. Just be the best YOU that you can be and be proud of yourself for that.
I saw this and thought of you. Here are some mantras and affirmations for perfectionism:
My worth isn’t based on my achievements.
My health is more important than my performance/accomplishments.
I will give myself grace when I make a mistake.
Mistakes are growth opportunities.
I value learning more than being right.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I choose to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome.
I don’t have to do things perfectly.
Excellence is not the same as perfection.
Flaws are not inadequacies.
I’m more than my appearance (or grades or salary or any external marker of success).
I’m doing my best and that’s all I can ask of myself.
I don’t have to be perfect for people to like/accept/love me.
Relationships need authentic connection, not perfection.
Perfection is unrealistic.
My opinion matters.
It’s okay to say no and set boundaries.
I accept myself just as I am.
I accept others just as they are.
My best effort isn't the same as perfection.
There’s more than one “right” way to do something.
When things don’t go as planned, I will adjust my expectations.
I can’t control everything and that’s okay because I have the resources to cope.
I don’t have to do it all.
Asking for help is a good thing.
Asking for help reflects strength and courage.
It’s healthy to relax and have fun.
Everyone needs to rest, including me.
Having fun isn’t a reward you have to earn.
Slowing down helps me recharge and be thoughtful about my commitments and expectations.
Good enough really is good enough.
Done is better than perfect.
Progress, not perfection.
I’m imperfect and I’m still enough.
I wish for you confidence and pride in everything that you do. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your event planning career and in your life. Take good care of yourself.