When should I have kids?
The thought of having a kid right now makes my skin crawl, so obviously I'm not ready for children yet. But sometimes I worry I'll never be ready for them. Or even think I'm ready for them. My parents had a surprise kid when I was 15, so I've basically helped raise her. Let me tell you, it has been a nightmare. She can be fun and nice but good night it is so much work. And I didn't even do half of the work.
When I was in high school, 2 of my friends got pregnant. 3 years later, they both have 2 kids. I hate going to hang out at their houses because there's kid stuff everywhere and there's always a baby crying and pooping and it just puts me in a bad mood.
I just wonder if my "want" to have kids is pushed on me by society. Cause of the expectation that all women will be mothers.
Caitlyn, you should not worry about this right now. Moreover, please don't do the mistake of your two highschool friends. It is obvious that they were not planning it.
Having kids a huge responsibility. I am sure your experience made you realize it and the amount of effort it needs. Being scared and worried of such step is healthy because you are a responsible person. Years down the road, you might feel the need for a kid in your life. Then you would find the pleasure and satisfaction of this process trumps the sacrifices you need to make. Having said that, this might not happen and there are a lot of people who came to that conclusion.
All in all, don't rush yourself and don't over think it at the moment. You are still young and you have years ahead of you.
While I was reading thought your question, it really connect with me, since my parents also have a surprise kid when I have 13, and the truth is I help raised him and I adore him, but I feel that this experience really make me realize that I’m a person that is not really interest in having kids. I don’t have friends with kids, but I do have several cousins that had kids at a very young age and like you I feel like I did not belong there hanging with them anymore.
When I was young I always mention yes I want to grow up have and have a family, but i realize that was only social expectations I said that because it was what I was “suppose” to do, and being a professional engineer right know, working, having amazing experiences and traveling around the world really help me confirm that simply I’m not interested in having kids, and I finally accept that it is ok, I even talk to my family about it, and of course my mom have issues at the beginning but then she realize that simply that’s not me and now she supports me.
This year it’s my 13 anniversary with my husband and we are still on the same page! So my advice to you is, if you don’t feel it, its ok, continue having amazing experiences and if the time comes when you feel you are ready go for it!. If it never arrives that moment that’s also ok, just make sure you are having a kid because you really want to and not because “you have to”.
Is a good questions, I believe there is not a right answer, as girls we need to be aware of the biological clock however, I believe we first should develop our self. If you are able to provide a good life style to your kids, that is the right time for do it then.