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How do you recommend making friends in college?

I'm starting college in a few months and I've unfortunately been friendless throughout high school. This has mainly been due to social anxiety and lack of social skills.

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Bhupendra’s Answer

Making friends in college can be challenging, but there are several ways to increase your chances of meeting new people and forming connections. Here are some recommendations:

1. Join clubs and organizations: Colleges have a wide range of clubs and organizations that align with various interests. Find ones that match your interests and passions, and attend their meetings or events. This is a great way to meet like-minded people.

2. Attend orientation events: Many colleges host orientation events for new students before the semester begins. These events are designed to help you meet other students and make friends.

3. Take advantage of icebreaker activities: In your classes or residence hall, you may participate in icebreaker activities that help you get to know your peers. Embrace these opportunities to introduce yourself and learn about others.

4. Be open and friendly: Smile, introduce yourself, and show interest in others. Small gestures like sitting with different people in the cafeteria or asking classmates about their weekend can help you build connections.

5. Residential life: If you're living in a dorm, get to know your roommate and neighbors. Participate in floor events or community activities.

6. Take a class or workshop: Enroll in a course or workshop that interests you, such as a language, art, or fitness class. This will allow you to meet others with similar interests.

7. Volunteer: Many colleges offer volunteer opportunities that allow you to give back to the community while meeting like-minded students.

8. Use social media: Join social media groups or forums for incoming freshmen or transfer students. This can help you connect with others before arriving on campus.

9. Be patient and persistent: Building friendships takes time. Don't get discouraged if you don't click with someone immediately. Keep attending events and being open to new experiences.

10. Seek support: If social anxiety or lack of social skills are significant barriers for you, consider seeking help from a college counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance and support to help you navigate social situations.

Remember, making friends in college takes time, and it's okay to start small. Focus on building genuine connections
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Jordyn’s Answer

I also struggle with social anxiety, and there have been times when the thought of talking to someone or doing a simple task around people (for example: going to the post office) have seemed impossible. With time, practice, and plenty of self-forgiveness, these things have improved for me and I'm sure they will for you too. College may seem daunting now, but it's a chance to start fresh. These people don't know you, or any of the awkward phases you've come through. For me that took some of the pressure off, and I was able to relax a little knowing that everyone there was experiencing something new, exciting, and a little bit scary and we all just wanted to make new friends to enjoy it with.

Another nice thing about college is that there are so many types of people with so many different backgrounds and interests that the odds of you meeting someone that you have something in common with go way up. To help find these people, consider joining some clubs (even just one!). Truly, this is a great way to meet people because you join with a ready-made topic of conversation, which is the common interest which caused you to want to join the club in the first place. As you go through college, your classes will get more specific to your major, and you'll find that you have overlapping interests with your classmates too.

Staying in a dorm can also provide an excellent way to make friends. To this day, my best friends are my college roommate and someone who lived on our hall who wandered into our room one day to say hello. (As you may can tell these people are more extroverted than me, which helped a lot as we got to know each other.)

Finally, if you are struggling, college is also nice in that they typically have free counseling services. I know for me talking to a counselor seemed terribly frightening, but knowing there is always that option is a nice safety net. Everyone's journey is different and what works for some people may not work for others. To get my feelings out without having to talk to anyone but myself, I did a lot of journaling and this helped me feel more in control. I also identified strongly with the book, "Hiding in the Bathroom: How to Get Out There When You'd Rather Stay Home" by Morra Aarons-Mele. If you're looking for some understanding and tips, I found this book very helpful.

I'm wishing you the best of luck in college. Remember to be kind to yourself. It's not going to magically get easier overnight. It's baby steps in the right direction. Some days are going to feel harder than others, but it will get easier if you forgive yourself and keep inching forward.
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Caroline’s Answer

Hi Stephanie!

Get involved on campus as much as you can. If you join clubs you are interested in, you will meet others with similar interests. Also, and this one sounds silly, but I met one of my best college friends in the communal bathroom in my freshman dorm. So don't be afraid to say hi and start a conversation. Remember that during your first year of college, everyone is in the same boat and wants to make friends. Make the most of the first few months and get to know as many people as you can!

Best of luck!
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Megan’s Answer

Hi Stephanie!

I just graduated college and found that I met a lot of friends in classes, at my dorm or apartment, through roommates, at university clubs, and sporting events. I was apart of a few business clubs and found a lot of people taking the same classes and having similar interests with me. I'm sure whatever major you choose they will have similar clubs/ associations that will be a good opportunity to meet people!
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Emilie’s Answer

Stephanie, have you decided to stay in the dorms or will you be commuting? If you choose to live in the dorms, you'll naturally get to know the people around you, not just in your building but in your classes too. I highly encourage you to become a part of clubs and organizations that pique your interest! In my freshman year, it took me about half a year to feel at ease and form friendships, which I managed to do by getting involved with the college newspaper. Just like others have advised, be kind to yourself and have patience - remember, there's no set deadline to make friends during your freshman year. Sending you all the best!
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Picard Larisse Dona’s Answer

Hi there! It's surprising how many people find it tricky to make friends outside of school or in different areas of life. The art of friendship is a bit more intricate than we often realize. There's a well-known saying that goes, "birds of a feather flock together." This means that when you're on the journey of making friends, it's important to understand who you are and who you're not. Friends usually share a lot of common interests. So, don't be in a hurry to pick your friends, because from this point forward, these individuals will become an integral part of your life. If you end up with the wrong crowd, you might miss out on the beautiful experience of true friendship. Remember, genuine friendship is priceless. So, take your time and choose wisely.
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Jerome’s Answer

I have been there. I found that study groups could be beneficial for learning and finding potential friends. You can also join clubs you have interest in. For instance, I joined a gamers club and it was very laid back, accepting and fun!

Many schools will have a day where clubs all set-up tables and share who they are. Be brave and explore, many other people feel like you do, but I promise that putting yourself out there can be beneficial.
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Megan’s Answer

Hi Stephanie,

As someone who struggles to make friends and has social anxiety, my suggestion is to get involved. I met my best friend in college when we worked together on campus as orientation leaders. We didn't talk or become friends right away- I think we worked together for a year before becoming friends. She invited any of the orientation leaders to go out one night and I was brave and went discovering she lived only a block away from me. That got us to talking and soon we just became best friends.

If you are living on campus and have a roommate they will be a sort of built-in friend where you can go together to events and activities on campus.
I always needed a buddy to go with me to try new events or clubs so try to use your roommate as that buddy.

Regarding social anxiety- I learned being kind helps make friends. If I see people struggling to take a selfie I will offer to take the picture for them- I make sure to get all the angels and even offer pose ideas. This is an easy way to break the ice and people are grateful for good photos.
Food helps too- make cookies or something easy to share when going to meet new groups of people. I usually bring donuts with me on the first day of a new job.

I found in college that the social pressures you felt in high school are not the same. Everyone is starting fresh and hoping to meet new people and make friends. You might find yourself blossoming in college where high school you felt stuck.

I hope this helps!
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Andreina’s Answer

During my first semester in college, I was unsure about how to make friends as well. Being an introvert, the prospect of meeting new people in a sea of unfamiliar faces was daunting.
As time passed though, I noticed that people starting approaching me to strike up a conversation. The only difference was that I stopped trying to blend in and instead I started being myself. I started coming 5 minutes early to the classroom/auditorium and reading my sci-fi book series before class started. I would also wear t-shirts and accessories of my favorite bands. I think I gave people an opening to tell me about their own passions and that is one thing I learned, most people LOVE talking about themselves, so let them, just signal that it's okay by looking up once in a while and reciprocating that nod or smile.
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Angela’s Answer

Hi there,

I would try to turn a new leaf. Try exploring your interests, if you like sports or books or hobbies, then see who's around when you are involved. You already have a common interest and starting point for building a friendship. Some of my best friends have been from church and work. Try to volunteer, in my personal experience, there has been some really nice people at volunteering events.
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Diane’s Answer

Hi Stephanie - tons of great advice given already to you. College is such a huge and difficult transition and when you couple it with anxieties it can make it worse. First of all, give yourself some grace during this time. As others have suggested.....participate in all that college life has to offer with joining clubs, student organizations, study groups, intramural sports. Living in a dorm will introduce you so many different people as well. It's great that you have acknowledged your anxiety and how it can inhibit you. Being aware of it and how it impacts your daily life is so important. Take time to get to know people and you may find that many others are feeling the same way you are. Best of luck!
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Danny’s Answer

Congratulations on your decision to go to college! As someone who has just graduated and am in contact with multiple people from my school, I will share what I did to make friends. First, I recommend joining a club or a sport of interest to you to find likeminded people. Creating study groups from classes and working on teams with others is also a nice way to find driven individuals. My last piece of advice is cliche: just be yourself, people will gravitate to you if you are proud of who you are and like to talk about any niche interests or hobbies.
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Michelle’s Answer

Hello, Stephanie !

Congratulations on your decision to go to college. Now would be a good time to think about expanding your social skills, not worrying about them.

Something like meeting new people, conversation and doing activities with people come naturally for some and not for others, so you are not alone. You can't change overnight, but you can delve into the root cause of your social anxiety and that could help for starters. Perhaps talking it out with your school social worker can help get you to a place where you recognize your strong points and what you need to work on more.

You didn't mention what your major will be in college, but there are some majors that are more social than others and present a high level of socialization. When I was a theatre major, it provided constant meeting of new people as well as working and attending events with the new friends I met. Just being in the theater department I met like-minded, fun classmates who than introduced me to a community of actors and theatre people outside of college. So, based on what you major in, do activities around that and you will meet people. You do not have to change, be yourself. You seem to already be aware of your limitations, now is the time to challenge them and reach out for new experiences.

It's fine to not be popular or have a lot of friends in high school. Those years will be behind you before you know it and it's on to bigger things after that. There is a good article I suggest you read for which I have left a link below. Hopefully it will contribute to your steps in resolving your social anxiety and give you inspiration to increase your social skills. There is a good article about social anxiety on the website Very Well Mind for which I have left a link for you below.

You can do a bit of reaching out now. Find a part time on-site job doing something you like to do. You will meet co-workers and can plan outings together. Think of your hobbies and join a group that you can be involved with. If you have any cousins, consider doing things with them, too. Also remember to make friends with people of all ages. An older friend might be more understanding and accepting than your peers have proven to not be. There are no set rules on how to make friends, just some suggestions and initiative on your part.

The most important advice is to not worry about it. Social development is a process and we all go through it, learning different things about ourselves. It does get much better as time goes on. But it is my opinion that worrying about it will present road blocks to your progress. Friendships do happen naturally and should never be forced. You will be surprised at how different your life will be in college and many people find the most long lasting authentic friendships are with people they've met in college. I can attest to that, too !

I hope that this is a bit of help for you and I wish you all the best !

Michelle recommends the following next steps:

MAKING FRIENDS IN COLLEGE https://collegeinfogeek.com/make-friends-college/
OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY https://www.verywellmind.com/social-anxiety-disorder-tips-3024209
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Daniel’s Answer

Hey Stephanie, college is your golden opportunity to find your group! The beauty of college is that it's a fresh start for everyone. Yes, it can be a bit daunting, but remember, everyone's in the same boat. Embrace the adventure by saying 'yes' to any promising opportunity that comes knocking. During the first few weeks, don't hesitate to introduce yourself to others. Ask them about their hometown, their chosen major, or if they're considering joining a fraternity or sorority. Don't shy away from approaching people, saying hi, or joining them at the cafeteria. Chances are, they're also looking forward to making a new friend.
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Yaz’s Answer

Join a club, college will have plenty of club opportunities. Its a great way to get more involved in something you like and make friends!
In classes you will get group assignments, those people could be your potential friends.
Another way is just outings. If you get invited to a party, you can make friends.
There are also apps like "Meet Up" which can be useful in college to find people who have similar interests as you.
Don't worry, you will make friends!
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