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Julliana
Student
Berkeley, California
1
Question
Asked
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How does a transfer student overcome Imposter Syndrome after transferring to a 4-year University?
This question can apply to all students, but as a transfer student, I find myself struggling with this greatly.
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1 answer
Matthew L. Tuck, J.D., M.B.A.
CEO/Managing Attorney, Greater Detroit Area
73
Answers
Lansing, Michigan
Updated
Matthew L.’s Answer
Hi Julliana.
Great question.
The great news is that your problem is an easy one to fix. I was also a transfer student. I started out at a large state school and couldn’t stand it. It was too big, my classes were huge (like 100 people), they were all taught by grad assistants, not real professors, I didn’t have any close friends, and I didn’t like my roommates in the dorm. So after a year I dropped out, moved home, got a job at K-Mart and went to community college for a year. It was much better. Small classes, a lot of my friends from high school were going there too (we carpooled sometimes) and I was able earn and save a lot of money (community college is so cheap but also really good).
Then after a year I transferred to a small, very expensive liberal arts college. It was hard at first because it was very different. The classes were much smaller than I was used to (some only had 3 other people in them) and the work was much harder. Because it was an expensive college, a lot of the people there came from wealthy families. They always had money and a BMW and nice clothes.
I had to work and got a job with the Campus Safety Department, which I loved, especially the night shift. I had keys to all the buildings and got to walk around all night checking doors, helping students and professors with problems (getting locked out and stuff), watching big thunderstorms roll in from the roof of the science building, and keeping the campus safe.
I think a lot of the rich kids may have looked down on me a bit (they didn’t have to work, of course), but they were sure glad when I was there to let them into their dorm at 1:00 in the morning when they had lost their keys. But honestly most of them didn’t care where I had been before and never asked.
But eventually I found a group of friends (my tribe I would call them now). Some were on campus safety or had other jobs on campus, some lived in town and lived at home still to save money, some of them had BMWs but didn’t care that I didn’t have one too. They were good, genuine people and I’m still friends with some of them. I got through college, got good grades. Then I’m went to law school. And then I want to business school and got an MBA. I love school, as you can see. And I LOVED college. I wish I could go back and do it again. I didn’t realize what an amazing, wonderful gift college is.
And for the record, I was a total nerd. I didn’t have a girlfriend, I was not in a fraternity, I lived in a house off campus with my aunt. I was (and still am) a total introvert. But l loved it. I finally found my place.
I had many other friends who also did community college for a few years and then transferred to a 4-year college or university. And they all did fine. They are teachers, lawyers, doctors and accountants now. And we transfers all laughed all the way to the bank because we saved a ton of money living at home and going to community college for a few years.
Most of us worked during college too, which was a great thing. It forced me to be disciplined with my time. When it was time to study, I had to study. And when it was time work, I worked.
I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that people are not worried about where you went before. In general, even though social media wants you to believe differently, 99.99% of people don’t spend any time thinking about what you are doing, what you dress like, or where you went to school before. And if you are running into people who worry about things like that, they are not people you want to know. They are focused on things that don’t matter because they need to feel better than someone else. If these are people you consider “friends”, they are friends not worth having.
You need to find your tribe in college. Find the people with similar interests, who get your sense of humor, who love you for your quirks and uniqueness. Join groups to find people like you. If you like theatre, go out for a play even if you are not a theatre major. If you like arguing, join the debate club. Play intramural softball. Volunteer at a local shelter. Your tribe is out there and they are looking for you just as hard as you are looking for them. College is a wonderful, amazing experience that will shape the rest of your life for the better, if you let it.
Focus on the important things:
(1) Always remember that you are doing some very difficult. College is hard. You are deferring gratification (money, family, vacations, fun) for 4 (or more) years to make yourself better and to create a better life for yourself. A college degree will change your life. People with degrees earn about $1 million dollars more over the course of a lifetime than people without college degrees. So stick with it. You won’t be sorry.
(2) What other people think really doesn’t matter. People who judge you for silly things are, more than likely, are very unhappy with themselves. They can only feel good by trying to make you feel worse. This is a terrible way to live and they will never be happy. Transferring schools is a hard thing, and it takes a lot of courage to do it. Be very proud of that.
(3) Find what you love. College is about exploring and finding what you are passionate about. Find your passion. You may not get another chance.
(4) Also remember that happiness is a choice. Learn to like yourself. And don’t be afraid to be yourself. By letting those mean people get to you, you are giving away your power. Take it back by ignoring them. People can be jerks. But they need other people (like you and me) to care what think and say. If we don’t care, they have no power.
And if it ever really feels like it’s too much, and it still gets to you no matter how hard to try to not let it get to you, talk to someone. Talk to a friend, talk to a professor, talk to family, talk to a counselor. Colleges have counselors and that’s what they are there for. They can help.
I know you are an amazing person just from the question you wrote. I was reading an article the other day about really old people (like 90 and 100 years old) and they asked them what you regret most in your life. And a lot of them said something like this, “I regret worrying so much about what other people thought about me. Turns out they were not thinking about me at all.”
It may seem bad now, but you have made the best decision in the world by going to college and following your dreams. Look for your tribe, you will find them. They are already looking for you.
In all the time I have spent going to law school and business school and all the time I have spent working with people from literally hundreds of different colleges and grad school, I don’t think I ever thought about the people the whole gave me a hard time for being a transfer until I read your question. It may feel like a big deal now to you, but in the grand scheme of things in life, it doesn’t mean much at all. Ignore them and they will realize you are too tough for them, get tired of you and they’ll go away. Better still, get the top grade in each class and no one will believe you don’t belong.
If you are getting good grades, meeting great people, and learning about the amazing world we live in, you are no imposter. You are the real deal and you are proving it every day. Anyone who can succeed in college, which you obviously are, is no imposter.
You’ve got this. Good luck!
Great question.
The great news is that your problem is an easy one to fix. I was also a transfer student. I started out at a large state school and couldn’t stand it. It was too big, my classes were huge (like 100 people), they were all taught by grad assistants, not real professors, I didn’t have any close friends, and I didn’t like my roommates in the dorm. So after a year I dropped out, moved home, got a job at K-Mart and went to community college for a year. It was much better. Small classes, a lot of my friends from high school were going there too (we carpooled sometimes) and I was able earn and save a lot of money (community college is so cheap but also really good).
Then after a year I transferred to a small, very expensive liberal arts college. It was hard at first because it was very different. The classes were much smaller than I was used to (some only had 3 other people in them) and the work was much harder. Because it was an expensive college, a lot of the people there came from wealthy families. They always had money and a BMW and nice clothes.
I had to work and got a job with the Campus Safety Department, which I loved, especially the night shift. I had keys to all the buildings and got to walk around all night checking doors, helping students and professors with problems (getting locked out and stuff), watching big thunderstorms roll in from the roof of the science building, and keeping the campus safe.
I think a lot of the rich kids may have looked down on me a bit (they didn’t have to work, of course), but they were sure glad when I was there to let them into their dorm at 1:00 in the morning when they had lost their keys. But honestly most of them didn’t care where I had been before and never asked.
But eventually I found a group of friends (my tribe I would call them now). Some were on campus safety or had other jobs on campus, some lived in town and lived at home still to save money, some of them had BMWs but didn’t care that I didn’t have one too. They were good, genuine people and I’m still friends with some of them. I got through college, got good grades. Then I’m went to law school. And then I want to business school and got an MBA. I love school, as you can see. And I LOVED college. I wish I could go back and do it again. I didn’t realize what an amazing, wonderful gift college is.
And for the record, I was a total nerd. I didn’t have a girlfriend, I was not in a fraternity, I lived in a house off campus with my aunt. I was (and still am) a total introvert. But l loved it. I finally found my place.
I had many other friends who also did community college for a few years and then transferred to a 4-year college or university. And they all did fine. They are teachers, lawyers, doctors and accountants now. And we transfers all laughed all the way to the bank because we saved a ton of money living at home and going to community college for a few years.
Most of us worked during college too, which was a great thing. It forced me to be disciplined with my time. When it was time to study, I had to study. And when it was time work, I worked.
I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that people are not worried about where you went before. In general, even though social media wants you to believe differently, 99.99% of people don’t spend any time thinking about what you are doing, what you dress like, or where you went to school before. And if you are running into people who worry about things like that, they are not people you want to know. They are focused on things that don’t matter because they need to feel better than someone else. If these are people you consider “friends”, they are friends not worth having.
You need to find your tribe in college. Find the people with similar interests, who get your sense of humor, who love you for your quirks and uniqueness. Join groups to find people like you. If you like theatre, go out for a play even if you are not a theatre major. If you like arguing, join the debate club. Play intramural softball. Volunteer at a local shelter. Your tribe is out there and they are looking for you just as hard as you are looking for them. College is a wonderful, amazing experience that will shape the rest of your life for the better, if you let it.
Focus on the important things:
(1) Always remember that you are doing some very difficult. College is hard. You are deferring gratification (money, family, vacations, fun) for 4 (or more) years to make yourself better and to create a better life for yourself. A college degree will change your life. People with degrees earn about $1 million dollars more over the course of a lifetime than people without college degrees. So stick with it. You won’t be sorry.
(2) What other people think really doesn’t matter. People who judge you for silly things are, more than likely, are very unhappy with themselves. They can only feel good by trying to make you feel worse. This is a terrible way to live and they will never be happy. Transferring schools is a hard thing, and it takes a lot of courage to do it. Be very proud of that.
(3) Find what you love. College is about exploring and finding what you are passionate about. Find your passion. You may not get another chance.
(4) Also remember that happiness is a choice. Learn to like yourself. And don’t be afraid to be yourself. By letting those mean people get to you, you are giving away your power. Take it back by ignoring them. People can be jerks. But they need other people (like you and me) to care what think and say. If we don’t care, they have no power.
And if it ever really feels like it’s too much, and it still gets to you no matter how hard to try to not let it get to you, talk to someone. Talk to a friend, talk to a professor, talk to family, talk to a counselor. Colleges have counselors and that’s what they are there for. They can help.
I know you are an amazing person just from the question you wrote. I was reading an article the other day about really old people (like 90 and 100 years old) and they asked them what you regret most in your life. And a lot of them said something like this, “I regret worrying so much about what other people thought about me. Turns out they were not thinking about me at all.”
It may seem bad now, but you have made the best decision in the world by going to college and following your dreams. Look for your tribe, you will find them. They are already looking for you.
In all the time I have spent going to law school and business school and all the time I have spent working with people from literally hundreds of different colleges and grad school, I don’t think I ever thought about the people the whole gave me a hard time for being a transfer until I read your question. It may feel like a big deal now to you, but in the grand scheme of things in life, it doesn’t mean much at all. Ignore them and they will realize you are too tough for them, get tired of you and they’ll go away. Better still, get the top grade in each class and no one will believe you don’t belong.
If you are getting good grades, meeting great people, and learning about the amazing world we live in, you are no imposter. You are the real deal and you are proving it every day. Anyone who can succeed in college, which you obviously are, is no imposter.
You’ve got this. Good luck!