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Will my parents be happy with the choices i'm making for my future?

Ever since dad has passed and mom has lost her voice since his loss , there has only been silence among them. I have no idea where my future is going or where it will be. All I want to know is if they will be happy. Thats all. #family

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Suzanne’s Answer

Dear Mahpara,

Please accept my deep sympathy for you and your Mom on the loss of your Father. This is a terrible thing and you are very young to be going through this type of grief.

I believe that your Mom and Dad are already quite proud of you and your choices. You are doing a very intelligent and wise thing by reaching out to professionals on the internet for help and guidance. This indicates to to me that you want to do well in life not only for yourself, but for those you love. You are a good person.

Your Mom may have many weeks of silence and tears in her time of grief. It is important however, for the both of you to speak to each other about the loss of your Father and how you are going to cope with this situation together. If you find it difficult to get your Mom talking I am hoping that there is a trusted adult in your life that can help. Is there someone at school, place of worship, another family member that might help you? In the meantime, please understand that grieving is a process and everyone does it differently. And it takes time. If you feel like you need to speak to a counselor, here are some references for free counseling in your area: https://www.opencounseling.com/texas/san-antonio

Right now in our Country, life just isn't happy. We are experiencing the worst of a pandemic, protests, and so many other things. I think that happiness is not and can never be a constant state of being. Happiness comes and goes. But there can be an inner sense of well being and wholeness. This is the important bit: you are only responsible for your own internal state of well being. Your Mom and other family members are responsible for their own "happiness". Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean we shouldn't care about making others happy by what we say and do. It only means you need not take on their emotional well being as a personal responsibility.

Now you have work to do, You are making life choices and you want to make the right ones. Talk to your guidance counselor at school. Study well and make good grades. Keep physically fit. Volunteer locally. Pour out your love and passions in activities that fulfill your spirit. Try to spell out your future career goals and pursue them thoughtfully. I believe that if you are happy in life, your Mom (and your Father) will be happy too.

Being a student and investing in the future is a wonderful time of life Mahpara. I hope this information is helpful to you.

I am sending you every best wish,
Sue

Suzanne recommends the following next steps:

1. Talk to a counselor: https://www.opencounseling.com/texas/san-antonio
2. Determine career and scholastic goals: https://www.bls.gov/careeroutlook/2015/article/career-planning-for-high-schoolers.htm
3. Understand the process of grief: https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-should-i-grieve/
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Sen’s Answer

Dear Mahpara,

My heart goes to you and we all understand what you are going through. Certainly it is most challenging period in your life. The loss you have suffered is immense. While nothing can fill the void because of your dad's demise but this is not the time to be weak. On the contrary, you have to be very strong and be a rock support to your Mom.


In oriental (say Indian philosophy) belief, death is the part of the journey and the soul never dies, it only changes it's external attire. Despite the knowledge and truth about life and death, absence of the departed soul is felt every moment by the family. In your case, it is more pronounced.


I feel that you must be with your Mom as much as you can and do a role reversal (if possible), as if she is the child and you are the Mum. It's not easy but I have seen children grew up overnight when father passed away and mom was affected badly. Being a soldier, I had two close encounters (within my regiment) when my best friends passed away (at a different time interval). I am an witness to narrate today that it was a treat to see how elder daughters in either of the cases handled the responsibility. Happy -Go-Lucky girls suddenly grew up and held the families together, carried on with their responsibilities and made sure their siblings do not suffer yet they achieved what they wanted to be. One is a very well settled as doctor and another one went to became a software professional.


With your psyche, I have no doubt that whatever you will do, you will have blessings of your dad and support of mom (though in silence). You can do 'No Wrong' and that's my belief too! Have faith in yourself that you will do well in whichever venture you wish to undertake. Since, it is not known which level you are studying at, I can generally say that you continue your studies and complete till graduation, should the finances allow. In case, you have to be a bread earner, do so, but don't leave your studies. Remember, you will get your dues abundantly provided you pursue your studies and attend to the duties to your mom.


May god bless you all the courage and support you need. Amen!



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Vanessa’s Answer

I'm feel sorry to hear that your family story. Love is the most strongest power in the world. I think no matter what choice you have made, your mother will always support it.

Now, The first thing you need to do is focus on your study and take care your mother. No one will knows what will happen in the future. There is no right or wrong . Please trust your self and follow your heart.
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kaman’s Answer

hi Mahpara

People usually think that the thing or thing in front of them is equal future.

But in fact no one will know, including you and me, but you can make it better, I believe you can

Google translation, hope you understand :)
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James Constantine’s Answer

Hi Mahpara!

I'm here to provide some sympathy for you and provide some insights that might be useful to you as you find your way through this difficult situation. Losing loved ones is a tough experience, and I completely understand. It's during these testing times that we often need the guidance of a counselor.

The value of a good counselor is immeasurable! They're incredibly helpful unless you already have your own ways to cope with life's unexpected challenges. The coping techniques that a counselor provides usually begin with grieving and accepting what has occurred.

A couple of centuries ago, our faith in the church was a great source of strength, helping us deal with life's ups and downs. We could confide in our senior minister about issues that were tough to manage.

The minister would then guide us on how to cope through prayer and acceptance, based on Christian principles. It's always beneficial to have a mentor or advisor, someone with life experience to guide you.

Consider seeking advice from a career counselor about which career path might suit you best. Explore various options. Remember, we often inherit skills and talents from our parents that can influence our professional choices. Discover the academic field that you find most interesting. It's perfectly fine to change your mind and explore a different field of study.

Keep supporting your mother during this challenging time by assisting her with household chores or arranging for a caregiver. Keep an eye on how your mother is coping emotionally with this situation. Later on, if you need to discuss your career choices with your mother, you can always write to her.

Once you've dealt with this, you can discuss your career choices and gauge your mother's contentment with your life decisions. Her happiness isn't solely dependent on your choices, but also on her own emotional state, personal values, and experiences. Her grief over losing your father and her own voice might be affecting her ability to express her feelings about your decisions.

That said, there are a few things you can do to support your mother and increase the chances of her being happy with your choices:

Keep the lines of communication open with your mother. Even if it is by pen and paper or computer. Text-to-speech is a GODSEND! You type the computer talks.

Regularly update her about your life, your goals, and your decisions. Be transparent about your intentions, and be ready to listen to her concerns and feedback. This can help build trust and understanding between you two.

Respect her values and beliefs: Remember the values and beliefs your parents instilled in you, and make decisions that align with them. This can make your mother feel that you're honoring their legacy and that your choices meet their expectations.

Involve her in your decisions: While the final decisions are yours to make, it's important to seek your mother's input and advice. This can make her feel included in your decision-making process and can also offer valuable insights you might not have considered.

Be there for her in her grief: Losing a loved one is incredibly hard, and it's important to support your mother during her grieving process. Be patient, understanding, and empathetic, offering comfort and support when needed.

PDFDRIVE is a fantastic source for free E-Books, https://www.pdfdrive.com/
The computer can read the PDF file as a spoken word.

As for helpful reference books, I recommend the following:

“The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John W. James and Russell Friedman: This book offers a comprehensive guide to understanding and dealing with grief, including ways to support grieving loved ones.

“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman: This book gives insights into how people express and receive love, which can help in understanding your parents’ needs and how to support them.

“The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm: This classic book delves into the nature of love and how to cultivate healthy, fulfilling relationships with others.

I hope these suggestions and references prove helpful as you navigate this tough situation. Remember, it's okay not to have all the answers. Be patient and kind with yourself and your loved ones as you work through this.

GOD BLESS YOU,
James.
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