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Will my parents be happy with the choices i'm making for my future?

Ever since dad has passed and mom has lost her voice since his loss , there has only been silence among them. I have no idea where my future is going or where it will be. All I want to know is if they will be happy. Thats all. #family

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kaman’s Answer

hi Mahpara

People usually think that the thing or thing in front of them is equal future.

But in fact no one will know, including you and me, but you can make it better, I believe you can

Google translation, hope you understand :)
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Vanessa’s Answer

I'm feel sorry to hear that your family story. Love is the most strongest power in the world. I think no matter what choice you have made, your mother will always support it.

Now, The first thing you need to do is focus on your study and take care your mother. No one will knows what will happen in the future. There is no right or wrong . Please trust your self and follow your heart.
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Sen’s Answer

Dear Mahpara,

My heart goes to you and we all understand what you are going through. Certainly it is most challenging period in your life. The loss you have suffered is immense. While nothing can fill the void because of your dad's demise but this is not the time to be weak. On the contrary, you have to be very strong and be a rock support to your Mom.


In oriental (say Indian philosophy) belief, death is the part of the journey and the soul never dies, it only changes it's external attire. Despite the knowledge and truth about life and death, absence of the departed soul is felt every moment by the family. In your case, it is more pronounced.


I feel that you must be with your Mom as much as you can and do a role reversal (if possible), as if she is the child and you are the Mum. It's not easy but I have seen children grew up overnight when father passed away and mom was affected badly. Being a soldier, I had two close encounters (within my regiment) when my best friends passed away (at a different time interval). I am an witness to narrate today that it was a treat to see how elder daughters in either of the cases handled the responsibility. Happy -Go-Lucky girls suddenly grew up and held the families together, carried on with their responsibilities and made sure their siblings do not suffer yet they achieved what they wanted to be. One is a very well settled as doctor and another one went to became a software professional.


With your psyche, I have no doubt that whatever you will do, you will have blessings of your dad and support of mom (though in silence). You can do 'No Wrong' and that's my belief too! Have faith in yourself that you will do well in whichever venture you wish to undertake. Since, it is not known which level you are studying at, I can generally say that you continue your studies and complete till graduation, should the finances allow. In case, you have to be a bread earner, do so, but don't leave your studies. Remember, you will get your dues abundantly provided you pursue your studies and attend to the duties to your mom.


May god bless you all the courage and support you need. Amen!



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Suzanne’s Answer

Dear Mahpara,

Please accept my deep sympathy for you and your Mom on the loss of your Father. This is a terrible thing and you are very young to be going through this type of grief.

I believe that your Mom and Dad are already quite proud of you and your choices. You are doing a very intelligent and wise thing by reaching out to professionals on the internet for help and guidance. This indicates to to me that you want to do well in life not only for yourself, but for those you love. You are a good person.

Your Mom may have many weeks of silence and tears in her time of grief. It is important however, for the both of you to speak to each other about the loss of your Father and how you are going to cope with this situation together. If you find it difficult to get your Mom talking I am hoping that there is a trusted adult in your life that can help. Is there someone at school, place of worship, another family member that might help you? In the meantime, please understand that grieving is a process and everyone does it differently. And it takes time. If you feel like you need to speak to a counselor, here are some references for free counseling in your area: https://www.opencounseling.com/texas/san-antonio

Right now in our Country, life just isn't happy. We are experiencing the worst of a pandemic, protests, and so many other things. I think that happiness is not and can never be a constant state of being. Happiness comes and goes. But there can be an inner sense of well being and wholeness. This is the important bit: you are only responsible for your own internal state of well being. Your Mom and other family members are responsible for their own "happiness". Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean we shouldn't care about making others happy by what we say and do. It only means you need not take on their emotional well being as a personal responsibility.

Now you have work to do, You are making life choices and you want to make the right ones. Talk to your guidance counselor at school. Study well and make good grades. Keep physically fit. Volunteer locally. Pour out your love and passions in activities that fulfill your spirit. Try to spell out your future career goals and pursue them thoughtfully. I believe that if you are happy in life, your Mom (and your Father) will be happy too.

Being a student and investing in the future is a wonderful time of life Mahpara. I hope this information is helpful to you.

I am sending you every best wish,
Sue

Suzanne recommends the following next steps:

1. Talk to a counselor: https://www.opencounseling.com/texas/san-antonio
2. Determine career and scholastic goals: https://www.bls.gov/careeroutlook/2015/article/career-planning-for-high-schoolers.htm
3. Understand the process of grief: https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-should-i-grieve/
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