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Why is it so difficult to pursue a career that reflects my true passions when cultural and family expectations feel so limiting?
Why is it so difficult to pursue a career that reflects my true passions when cultural and family expectations feel so limiting? Growing up, my world was very restricted—I was only allowed to leave home for school, and summers were spent entirely indoors, without access to libraries, sports, or social activities.The internet and movies became my window to the world. Watching American films and learning about music and performing arts sparked a deep interest in creative, public-facing careers. Yet, these interests were met with skepticism and disapproval from my family. In my culture, professions involving independence or public presence are often unacceptable for women; only teaching or medicine are widely approved.This has left me feeling torn. I dream of expressing myself creatively, working hard, and building a life of independence and achievement. But I face immense pressure to conform, including expectations about marriage and career paths that do not align with my aspirations.What advice can you offer for navigating these challenges, exploring careers that match my passions, and gaining personal and professional independence despite these restrictions? Any guidance or resources you could share would be deeply appreciated.Thank you for your time and for supporting young people seeking career guidance
2 answers
Tammy Prosser
Tammy’s Answer
I have two thoughts- first if you are able to attend university away from home, this might be a great way to earn some independence and try to create a life for yourself.
Second, there may be a middle ground which satisfies your parents desires, but also gives you what you want. Perhaps choosing to go into education might actually interest you more than you think. It Is a public facing field and may be a space in which you could engage in some creativity. If music or performing arts is of interest to you then these are subjects that you might be able to teach or lead things like the chorus or band or an arts club.
Another option you might consider is going to university to begin your career in “teaching“ but then continue on to further your education in a masters degree and a PhD. Instead of going into the field to teach young people, you could go into teaching as a college professor which would afford you independence and an ability to study, research, explore and teach creative arts, performance arts or anything that interests you. Maybe this would be an acceptable path which would allow you to keep your family support while also doing what you want.
Regardless, as another comment said there will come point in your life where you will have to decide how obedient to the expectations of culture and family that you want to be or choose your own path which ultimately might mean giving up the support of your family and your culture. Only you can truly decide what is best for your life and what you are willing to sacrifice to make it happen.
I will say from personal experience that I originally went to college with a dream of being an actress. I got my degree in performing arts, but the reality of that field is much more difficult than what you might see in the movies. If you want performing to be your life, you truly have to be the best of the best as there are 1000s of people trying to make it big in this field. It’s not a field to enter lightly as many who try do not succeed. I’m not discouraging you from trying but you need to have real expectations about what you want and truly understand what you are sacrificing to pursue this career path.
Best of luck!
Kim Igleheart
Kim’s Answer
Our societies are basically built upon the family unit. And, within the family, traditions/culture is slow to change. Most people will tell you to try to talk to your parents, but, as teens, we are ill-equipped for conversations of that magnitude. I will say that parents want what they perceive as "best" for their children.
On my mother's side of the family, I am only a second generation American. Her family is Italian. When I graduated college, I announced my plans to get an apartment. Mom made Dad come and talk to me, to tell me that "in our family" girls live at home until they are married. Honestly, I wasn't raised around my relatives, and had learned nothing about how "our" family did things. I moved out anyway. When I got married a year later, Mom tried to take an active role in planning my wedding. She disagreed with everything I was trying to do. I told her she had already had her wedding. She said Grandma had handled it. I told her I was sorry she had missed the opportunity to plan a wedding, but that I would be doing things my way, and, that I did not want their financial help with the wedding.
This is to say, if, after trying to talk to your parents, things don't turn around, it's time to outwardly appear to be going along with their plans, while quietly planning to break away - get a passport, save up some money, whatever it takes. BUT realize, it may cause an irreparable split from your family. It comes at a very heavy cost. Hopefully once you have established yourself and are successful and happy, that connection can possibly be re-established. In the meantime, you will be starting over with no family and no friends, and will need to learn to find community support networks to give you the emotional strength to keep going.
I'm hoping you manage to see this through!
Kim
Thank you so much, Kim!
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