2 answers
Em
Student
Redlands, California
1
Question
Asked
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How do I continue to deal with rejection I feel like I’m being forced to settle for less than what I want every time I’m told no. ?
I’m a college sophomore who just got rejected from her dream school. For context, I have a 4.0 GPA, survived childhood cancer, and have been paying my own way through community college. I understand that I am not entitled to a yes from everyone. But I don’t understand how I could do everything I was supposed to do and more and still be pushed to the side. As a performer, I’ve grown to expect to be told no for any gig I audition for. Being rejected from my dream school is such a slap to the face and I don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard. I was accepted by a different school, and it doesn’t hold a candle to what I wanted and worked so hard for. It’s so minuscule in comparison to what I had dreamed for myself. The education is just as good, but I wanted a University experience and it doesn’t offer than at all. At this point, I don’t know if appealing my rejection is worth it. I’m exhausted from the bare minimum.
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2 answers
Ilan Marouani, Esq., LL.M.
Tax Attorney
25
Answers
New York, New York
Updated
Ilan’s Answer
Hi Em,
First of all, the path you have been leading so far in your life, is incredible, and I really congratulate you for being able to get through so much, and still push and wanting more for yourself, and not settling for anything less.
I myself had a similar experience while applying to Law school. My dream Law school was maybe a point or two away on the LSAT that I just didn't have time to take again before applications ended, so I tried to appeal, I tried to use connections to get a word in with the dean of students, I tried to apply to summer beginning to show that I was ready to commit to this school, that the school was my first choice, the only choice I really cared about, but at the end, still got rejected.
It happened to me when I applied for my Masters in Tax also, as NYU was really the only school I was applying to, and was telling people, "it is NYU or nothing at all." I did everything I could do so my application would look as strong as possible. From taking classes in Tax, creating a Tax group and becoming its president. Having events, even one with the Dean of the NYU Masters Tax program that I was trying to join... at the end, nothing.
Of course, right now you must be asking yourself, in what way is this a useful answer? Well, even though I did not get into my dream school, did not get the experience I was hoping for, nevertheless, my experience in my other schools was amazing!
I am looking back at both times it has happened, and both times, I don't think I would be the person I am today, be at the job I am at today, without going to those different schools than the one I Initially was hoping for.
I know right now it seems annoying, disappointing, but I believe that our path change from our dreams sometimes, not for a bad reason, but because we are so focused on something, that we don't realize it might be even better somewhere else.
I hope this helps a little, and I believe that after all the struggles and perseverance you have gone through your life, it will be a valuable experience when you join the workforce!
Good Luck!
First of all, the path you have been leading so far in your life, is incredible, and I really congratulate you for being able to get through so much, and still push and wanting more for yourself, and not settling for anything less.
I myself had a similar experience while applying to Law school. My dream Law school was maybe a point or two away on the LSAT that I just didn't have time to take again before applications ended, so I tried to appeal, I tried to use connections to get a word in with the dean of students, I tried to apply to summer beginning to show that I was ready to commit to this school, that the school was my first choice, the only choice I really cared about, but at the end, still got rejected.
It happened to me when I applied for my Masters in Tax also, as NYU was really the only school I was applying to, and was telling people, "it is NYU or nothing at all." I did everything I could do so my application would look as strong as possible. From taking classes in Tax, creating a Tax group and becoming its president. Having events, even one with the Dean of the NYU Masters Tax program that I was trying to join... at the end, nothing.
Of course, right now you must be asking yourself, in what way is this a useful answer? Well, even though I did not get into my dream school, did not get the experience I was hoping for, nevertheless, my experience in my other schools was amazing!
I am looking back at both times it has happened, and both times, I don't think I would be the person I am today, be at the job I am at today, without going to those different schools than the one I Initially was hoping for.
I know right now it seems annoying, disappointing, but I believe that our path change from our dreams sometimes, not for a bad reason, but because we are so focused on something, that we don't realize it might be even better somewhere else.
I hope this helps a little, and I believe that after all the struggles and perseverance you have gone through your life, it will be a valuable experience when you join the workforce!
Good Luck!
Bob Echols
Retired lawyer and ethics officer--current blogger and author of the For Our Friends the Animals quartet.
37
Answers
Fairhope, Alabama
Updated
Bob’s Answer
Hi, Em, and thank you for reaching out.
Let me give you some ideas to ponder from a man who has been rejected many times but always come back from it. What I tell you is of course easy for me to say, but I promise you if you give it consideration and time, you will come to see the validity of my advice.
First, realize it wasn't you who was rejected by the school; rather it was your application, a collection of papers or computer bytes and bits in the possession of the school admissions department. They don't know the real you, your true essence as a wonderful person looking to add value and worth to this world. You will always be wonderful, regardless of how others assess your application.
Second, realize that you have no idea what the admissions criteria truly were and how they were applied. As an example, when applying for a job it is all too common that higher qualified applicants from outside the company are turned down in favor of someone already in the company, a relative of the boss, that sort of thing. The job, and the position in a school, don't always go to the best qualified. There is often bias in any selection process, and sadly people in your situation sometimes must suffer for that.
Third, while a university "experience" is a nice thing to want, of much greater consequence for you over the term of your career, indeed your life, will be the education you receive. The most valuable aspect of any school is the learning experience it provides to students, so wherever you finally matriculate, throw yourself into your studies. Learn everything you can. That's the key.
Fourth, accept rejection as a time to grow and renew your commitment to attaining whatever goal(s). Many times it is from apparent defeat that we gain the energy and desire to go on and achieve success. Many times in your life you will fall short of your aspirations, often because of the judgment of others. That is a given. What is not a given is your commitment to succeed regardless of obstacles in your way. That is your choice.
Em, those people who are successful in life are those who choose to be so. They choose to pursue their goals every day, regardless of the environment in which they find themselves. They know that with each day, no matter where they are, they can make a difference, they can improve themselves and others, they can take what life gives and turn it into something wonderful.
Em, that sounds a lot like you. Never quit striving, and turn this occurrence into something wonderful, for yourself and for others.
God bless you!
Let me give you some ideas to ponder from a man who has been rejected many times but always come back from it. What I tell you is of course easy for me to say, but I promise you if you give it consideration and time, you will come to see the validity of my advice.
First, realize it wasn't you who was rejected by the school; rather it was your application, a collection of papers or computer bytes and bits in the possession of the school admissions department. They don't know the real you, your true essence as a wonderful person looking to add value and worth to this world. You will always be wonderful, regardless of how others assess your application.
Second, realize that you have no idea what the admissions criteria truly were and how they were applied. As an example, when applying for a job it is all too common that higher qualified applicants from outside the company are turned down in favor of someone already in the company, a relative of the boss, that sort of thing. The job, and the position in a school, don't always go to the best qualified. There is often bias in any selection process, and sadly people in your situation sometimes must suffer for that.
Third, while a university "experience" is a nice thing to want, of much greater consequence for you over the term of your career, indeed your life, will be the education you receive. The most valuable aspect of any school is the learning experience it provides to students, so wherever you finally matriculate, throw yourself into your studies. Learn everything you can. That's the key.
Fourth, accept rejection as a time to grow and renew your commitment to attaining whatever goal(s). Many times it is from apparent defeat that we gain the energy and desire to go on and achieve success. Many times in your life you will fall short of your aspirations, often because of the judgment of others. That is a given. What is not a given is your commitment to succeed regardless of obstacles in your way. That is your choice.
Em, those people who are successful in life are those who choose to be so. They choose to pursue their goals every day, regardless of the environment in which they find themselves. They know that with each day, no matter where they are, they can make a difference, they can improve themselves and others, they can take what life gives and turn it into something wonderful.
Em, that sounds a lot like you. Never quit striving, and turn this occurrence into something wonderful, for yourself and for others.
God bless you!