Hey July, there's a bunch of good books on this topic, you may like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Over-Yourself-Principles-Your-Destiny/dp/1615849033
There are a bunch of great books on the topic so you'll have to look around a bit.
That said real life teaches us that the old saying different strokes for different folks is very true. Years ago the thought of two gay dads raising a child was reason to have a child removed from the home. Yet we find having two dedicated parents has always come with better outcomes than single parent families. It's pretty obvious why, more resources, shared emotional support, more socialization etc... A single parent home is like parenting in a vacuum, no extra fuel to add to the burn that is a child's development, no emotional sources left after long days at work et al.
Worse over all was mine, a seemingly two parent family where dad was largely physically and emotionally absent and mom liked to pop pills and was physically abusive. It led to my being sexually abused by a neighbor for 4 years. Likewise, we were dirt poor and my best friend was a real wolf we had as a pet.
My brother having a better start with our parents from the first years of marriage got all the love and support. Both parents around, young, lots of create energy, good family emotional IQ, no huge absences, no pedophile neighbors etc... As such he became very self guided early on. Eventually he became a highly valued football player and got a free ride to college. The parents were very supportive and never missed a game.
The five year gap between us on paper spelled doom for me. I played some football and no one came to my games, i played lacrosse and they called my sport dumb. Remember my parents hadn't finished high school, their world view was let's say, 'poop'.
So after a while I had to start working full time at night just to make sure my dad's business didn't fail. I earned very little and when I tried to do it full time after high school, let's just say it wasn't a good fit. By then I had far more ambition than my dad and probably a little better educational footing.
So I continued working full time and put myself through four degrees going to school full time...because that's how you man up and get things done. If you can't do this, you're probably lazy and worthless and won't amount to much in life.
While my brother graduated and got a job as a 911 dispatcher, I was an entrepreneur building a legitimate career in the audiovisual engineering industry with a global brand. Then after my first two degrees I started working for ESPN directing TV and producing shows.
My brother became a firefighter. Certainly a noble career move and his passion.
I went on to create the world's first online physician education system besting Harvard. Then as an executive in the printing industry. Then I became a contractor doing a bunch of stuff I can't really talk about in counterterrorism. Just know you're more safe with me on your side as are about 120 other nations. Then I became the CEO of an international arts and entertainment organization. In that time I became an advisor to the US and Israel. Now I live in the Los Angeles area and dine with Grammy winners weekly, and have some very popular people in my phone. I have a home in LA and a home in Big Bear on a private bay of a lake.
So having a screwed up home won't hurt you if you don't let it. Sure I have plenty of scars, emotional, physical and my relationship with my family is fractured at best. Yes, I have an intense sense of competition. Yes, I'm manipulative. Yes, I'm a win it all or cut other's throats on the path to dying type. All that said, I'm nobody's victim!
So did my background change me...absolutely, but I got over myself and my self pity and my loser attitude and my hurt etc... and got on with living. As it turns out I've become incredibly giving and loving to those who obey and respect me, but those who break my trust are dead to me, and trust me...you wouldn't want me as an enemy.
Some would say I'm out of whack and damaged, but honestly, the only people you should care for are those who have something to share with you as an equal. NO lifetime MOOCHERS allowed. I don't care if they're your bestie or a sibling or a parent...a bum is a bum, cut them loose and get on with living your life. Those people are just anchors ruining your momentum. Success is about one foot forward after the next and that won't happen with your eyes focused on the path behind you. Remember the best love is honesty and accountability, because it gives you the leverage to be kind, forgiving, patient, charitable and perseverant. You can't be any of those thing if you never succeed in life, because you won't have the resources to do it or the experience to know when someone has actually earned it from you!
It's a tad tiger mom, but necessary for adoption given that most millennials and gen Z kids are just floating through life like smartphone zombies. That's one step off welfare scumbags and once you're there you have to be very empowered to climb out of the liberal trash heap created to keep you poor and powerless. Remember the democrats created the KKK to keep people down and they've just changed their name to 'progressive' to freshen up their image. My point is many families start single parent and on welfare but that's not an outcome worth hanging on to. Trust me, I was dirt poor with bad parents and no hope. Make your own hope and be highly directed and intensely focused in everything you do and you can escape. Take nothing for granted, every privilege you get is more than what I ever had. Keep God first and keep your eye on the things you wish to attain in the macro sense. The daily micro stuff is all about discipline and follow through. Nike is greek for victory: just do it on the daily and you'll be okay in the end!