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As an aspiring counselor, how does one learn to leave heavy feelings at work rather than carrying the weight of a client’s situation at home and affecting your own personal lie with stress and overwhelming sympathy? #Spring25
I myself am an undergraduate student majoring in the field of psychology. My long term goal is to attend graduate school and later serve my community as a children’s counselor. I am often told that this profession can be emotionally challenging and often leaves professionals with a sense of weight. Why the answer to my question will depend on the person and has no solid correct method, I wanted to learn from experienced members and receive effective and valuable input on a serious concern of mine. #Spring25
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Terry’s Answer
That is a great question and there's no easy answer. First and foremost, utilize whatever supports and supervision available wherever you are working to process feelings following any particularly difficult cases. Secondly, self care is very important and is a very personal thing. You are already taking a big step in this area by recognizing that bearing client's burdens is a "heavy" load to carry. Many people don't even consider the impact of that and suddenly they are overwhelmed with feelings/thoughts that they don't know what to do with. Recognizing the issue is the first step in dealing with it. Now, identify things that have helped you manage other difficult things in your life and see if some of these things might be helpful to you now. For example, if listening to music has been soothing to you in the past when you were upset by something, try taking 20-30 minutes to listen to music when you finish your work day before going on with other activities. In other words, identify ways that you might sort of debrief from your work. It is important to have a boundary between professional and personal life even if you work from home. Some people use the commute home from work as a time to debrief. If driving they might listen to music or audiobooks or actually read if riding on a bus/train or whatever. However, one commutes, once they arrive home they won't think anymore about work and will engage in other activities. Working from home offers challenges in the separation but there not insurmountable. Using a specified space for work helps. Some people change clothes in an effort to literally take off the work self and put on the personal self. Music, art, yoga, reading, a warm bath, etc.. are all good ways to let the stress of work go. Find what works for you and do it. You're already well on your way to success just by asking the right questions.
Thank you for your advice and encouragement!
Soraya
Updated
Michael’s Answer
First of all, your chosen field to endeavor in is a truly honorable profession! It is no different than any other learning experience. We basically learn from trial and error! However, the field of counseling has been examined by many experts and there are those, who have walked the road you are about to embark upon. I am one of those individuals!
I became a Registered Counselor in 1999. No experience, just a desire to help those who suffered from the disease of addictions and mental illness. I was taught the theoretical version of this field along with the 12 core functions of addictions that can be used to address the problems of mental health as well.
Before I started my journey, I first had to work on myself, my likes, my dislikes, my dreams and aspirations, my spirituality, my hopes and my total world view. I first had to make sure that I was healthy, mentally, spiritually and physically, because the population I was about serve had a considerable amount of problems and concerns that could be a factor in how I interacted with those I was about to commit to helping!
My childhood upbringing was critical at this point in time. Having a very large family and seeing so many behaviors and being okay with all that was going on in my life, played a key role in this new process. I found that I could basically function in any environment!
What I found out after my first month, working in the field, was that those who I had been charged to help, were no different than those in my family, my school or my community. They were all human and needed different kinds of care but nothing that I did not have to offer! Things like kindness, consideration, empathy, care and honesty!
I found that from that point to today, it was the easiest and most rewarding profession I could have ever imagined! The pay was nice but the reward of seeing people prosper from the help you give them is priceless!
Twenty five years later, I am still doing counseling and not once has it seemed difficult, overwhelming, troubling or overbearing! I did not take it home with me even though my work was being done in my community! It was the most rewarding and peaceful profession I’ve ever worked!
Take care first of you, then you can assist others in any situation presented to you! All the best in one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences ever! Working with children is the best work ever!!!!
I became a Registered Counselor in 1999. No experience, just a desire to help those who suffered from the disease of addictions and mental illness. I was taught the theoretical version of this field along with the 12 core functions of addictions that can be used to address the problems of mental health as well.
Before I started my journey, I first had to work on myself, my likes, my dislikes, my dreams and aspirations, my spirituality, my hopes and my total world view. I first had to make sure that I was healthy, mentally, spiritually and physically, because the population I was about serve had a considerable amount of problems and concerns that could be a factor in how I interacted with those I was about to commit to helping!
My childhood upbringing was critical at this point in time. Having a very large family and seeing so many behaviors and being okay with all that was going on in my life, played a key role in this new process. I found that I could basically function in any environment!
What I found out after my first month, working in the field, was that those who I had been charged to help, were no different than those in my family, my school or my community. They were all human and needed different kinds of care but nothing that I did not have to offer! Things like kindness, consideration, empathy, care and honesty!
I found that from that point to today, it was the easiest and most rewarding profession I could have ever imagined! The pay was nice but the reward of seeing people prosper from the help you give them is priceless!
Twenty five years later, I am still doing counseling and not once has it seemed difficult, overwhelming, troubling or overbearing! I did not take it home with me even though my work was being done in my community! It was the most rewarding and peaceful profession I’ve ever worked!
Take care first of you, then you can assist others in any situation presented to you! All the best in one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences ever! Working with children is the best work ever!!!!
This was very uplifting to hear, thank you!
Soraya
Updated
Felicia’s Answer
Hi Soraya.
As counselors, it's important to maintain a clear boundary between ourselves and our clients. While empathy is essential, we still need to be aware that our client’s stories, struggles, and emotions are not ours. One of the key principles in counseling is that we don’t make decisions for clients or demand that they do something—everything has to come from their own will. We also usually avoid contacting clients outside of sessions, which shows that there’s a clear limit to our involvement in their problems. Using the same logic, we shouldn’t let their issues become our burden. One thing you can do is take a moment at the end of the session to really remind yourself that it’s over, so you don’t keep ruminating on their concerns.
That said, some cases might affect us more than others. If a client’s issue stays on your mind, it could be because it triggered something in you or simply because you’re feeling emotionally tired. This is completely normal. When that happens, taking a break, resting, or even seeking counseling for yourself can help you process your feelings and stay balanced.
As counselors, it's important to maintain a clear boundary between ourselves and our clients. While empathy is essential, we still need to be aware that our client’s stories, struggles, and emotions are not ours. One of the key principles in counseling is that we don’t make decisions for clients or demand that they do something—everything has to come from their own will. We also usually avoid contacting clients outside of sessions, which shows that there’s a clear limit to our involvement in their problems. Using the same logic, we shouldn’t let their issues become our burden. One thing you can do is take a moment at the end of the session to really remind yourself that it’s over, so you don’t keep ruminating on their concerns.
That said, some cases might affect us more than others. If a client’s issue stays on your mind, it could be because it triggered something in you or simply because you’re feeling emotionally tired. This is completely normal. When that happens, taking a break, resting, or even seeking counseling for yourself can help you process your feelings and stay balanced.
Thank you for the advice! This was extremely helpful
Soraya