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In a profession built on caring for others, how do nurses learn to care for the parts of themselves that experience quiet, unseen trauma?
I’ve always admired the resilience of nurses—not just in moments of crisis, but in the quiet ways they carry the emotional weight of what they witness. As someone pursuing this path, I think often about how to balance compassion for others with compassion for myself. How do you process the silent, lingering moments—the code blues that didn’t end the way you hoped, the patients you grew close to, or the families you held space for in their most vulnerable hours? I want to learn how to stay soft without breaking, and how to keep giving without going empty.
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Annah’s Answer
Sophia, while I am not a nurse, I work in a low barrier public hospital clinic, I work with a team of nurses and have experience in integrative care, community health, and geriatrics. The toll of patient illness, suffering, and death is real. Some settings are more susceptible to this- like an emergency department, hospital, or low barrier setting. Geriatrics will also provide ample opportunity to grieve end of life. All I can say is that you learn what you can personally handle, you learn skills as you go to process such experiences (and this looks different for everyone). Having your own support system set up- friends, family, therapist, peers at work, good supervision is key. If you are in a position where you build a relationship with a patient over time, the loss (or their struggles) may hit you harder. I am still surprised sometimes by the impact when someone's health declines rapidly. This is also part of life- the waxing and waning of a person's health and the unexpected, unplanned tragedies that may occur. Witnessing this may provide an opportunity for you to build gratitude- for yourself and others. It takes energy to sustain ongoing compassion while performing all expected job duties. Knowing how to identify signs of burnout is important. It is also such a huge gift to be available to people when they need the most help and are the most vulnerable. Try on different settings to find the pace you most enjoy- an ED will be fast and potentially stressful while a private practice clinic much slower with less surprises. I have worked in a variety of settings and while I love the faster pace, it can get tiring. I have come to know my own threshold; this is something you will develop as well. Look for teams that seem to support one another well in times of crisis and also every day! This is a question I often ask at time of interview. I want to know I am entering a solid, healthy team of coworkers. Spending time on site prior to accepting a job is also something I recommend. It will give you a greater sense about the workflow, communication, and attitude of staff (towards the organization, each other, and the patients they serve). Seek positions where you feel supported professionally, emotionally, mentally, and in all other pertinent ways. I have seen staff hold beautiful rituals and celebrations with patients and their families and heard from patients about the stellar care they received. It truly makes a difference in people's lives. There is a nurse for every type of setting and a setting for every type of nurse! You will figure out what works for you.
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Christine’s Answer
For me its been seeing a therapist regularly to help me process through those emotions, also if you have some fellow colleagues you can grow a friendship from they can also be a great support to help process some of those tough moments. There are things you will see that are heart breaking or you might wonder what if. I think all of that is normal. I always have to remember I've done my very best in that particular moment and there are things in life we just don't know, which often includes when our time here on this earthly plane is up.