Continuous overthinking and frustration about everything ?

I’m an international student in the U.S., and I’ve never lived far from my family before. I just completed my first semester, and for the past four months, it feels like all I’ve been doing is surviving. I cry a lot, and I’ve been experiencing a strange kind of FOMO — like I’m missing out while my friends back home are enjoying their lives. I don’t have any friends here, and with so many other stressors, I’m finding it really hard to live happily.

All I want is to be happy with my choices, to do something meaningful with my life, complete my major, and build a career here — because coming abroad has always been my dream. But now that I’m here, I find myself caught between moments of enjoyment and moments of deep sadness or frustration. I can’t seem to control my thoughts. I keep overthinking everything — that I won’t be able to finish my degree, that I won’t be able to build a career, and that I’ll end up being a financial burden on my family.

I feel emotionally exhausted. It’s like everyone I trusted has let me down, and I’m left completely alone. I recently went through a breakup, and he was the only person who gave me some comfort. Now that he’s gone, I feel like I’m stuck in an endless spiral of thoughts — thinking and thinking with no way out.

At the same time, I’m extremely anxious about choosing the right major. I keep wondering if I’ll ever fit in here, or if I’m just missing out on my college life while my friends back home are moving forward and figuring everything out. I feel stuck — like I’m falling behind, while everyone else has direction.

This strange sadness isn’t something new. It’s been with me for years. But now, I truly want to change. I don’t want to be the person who’s always sad or gloomy about everything. I want to learn how to find joy, even in stressful situations. But right now, I cry over every little inconvenience, and I get frustrated very easily when things don’t go my way. I feel like I should be able to handle things more calmly and peacefully.

I often feel like I’m a burden — emotionally and financially — on my family. And I genuinely don’t know what to do or what not to do. I’m in desperate need of clear, detailed guidance — not just general advice, but real direction that can help me figure things out and bring me to a better place mentally, emotionally, and academically.

I also compare myself and my situation to others — and I do it in such intense and detailed ways that it becomes paralyzing. My mind keeps telling me, “If things had been different, you’d be happier,” even though I know that even if things were different, I’d probably still find something else to compare. It’s exhausting.

I seek emotional validation from others and struggle to do things on my own. I want so badly to be emotionally independent. But in my last relationship, I became so dependent — and I still replay memories of the good times. He was so sweet to me, and then suddenly it was all gone. I keep questioning myself — where are all the promises he made? Why am I the one who has to suffer?

The saddest part is, I’ve always had trouble trusting people. Even in the beginning of that relationship, I was cautious. But with time, I trusted him more than I trusted myself. He made many promises, and I made it clear to him not to promise things unless he truly meant them. He insisted that he did. And eventually, I believed he wasn’t like everyone else.

But now he’s gone. He’s moved on — and worse, he’s already in a new relationship. The way he told me about his new girlfriend made me feel sick. It was like he had become a completely different person. I genuinely believed our connection was deep and real — the first true one I’d ever experienced. I thought no one could replace it. I thought we would be happy together.

Now I feel like everyone I’ve ever truly valued has left or hurt me. And I start to wonder — am I the problem? Am I doing something wrong? I just want to have one true, lasting connection. But every time I think I’ve found it, it disappears.

People tell me I’m just overwhelmed, and that’s why I feel this way. But why is it that others seem to cope and move on, while I’m stuck in this storm of emotions? I hear people say “It was just a breakup,” or “It was just a friendship,” but to me, it was more than that. I feel so deeply alone. Every time I find something meaningful, it slips through my fingers.

I’m trying to see a therapist through university services, but they’re overwhelmed with students, and I barely get to meet with her. It’s hard to build a meaningful connection, and I don’t feel like I’m making any progress. Every time I try to move forward, I feel like I just sink deeper.

I’ve always dreamed of having a really good friend group — people who support each other and do sweet little things together. But I’ve never had that. And now, I sometimes look at others and think, Wow, look at how beautiful their friendship is, how they do things together. And I’m just here — alone.

I really don’t want to keep thinking about the past, or about the future, or about other people — whether I have friends, or a boyfriend, or anything. I just want to focus on improving myself. I say that I don’t want anything to do with others, that I want to be strong and independent — but at the same time, I keep feeling like I’m missing out. I’m missing out on everything — on relationships, friendships, experiences, memories. It’s like I’m constantly being left behind. That feeling haunts me all the time.