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How to help those that don' t realize they're the problem?
How do you approach patients who are in therapy but appear to be the problem in most circumstnces they open up to you about? How do you admit this to them and assist them in actually understanding it? I've heard things about therapists who encourage their patients and motivate them to stand firm in themselves when to the rest of the world they are the issue.
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Sally’s Answer
Hello, Maya!
1. This person is in therapy. That is a good sign; however, the person may be using the sessions to complain or to gain support, but may not know how to be self reflective. I would take the road to discovery for both you and this person.
2. Asking open ended questions about what happened or what was said in a situation can help for starters, and then gradually adding questions about what the thoughts and feelings about it are can change the dialogue to self discovery, without blame or confrontation.
3. Teach the skills of self reflection or self examination in a way that affirms the truth and encourages problem solving.
4. I use "mind mapping" for individuals, couples and groups. It's an amazing tool that can help people know that they are being heard and respected. It sometimes is all they need. Getting the situation down on paper encourages seeing oneself in relationship to others, while forming solutions and creating different approaches that may not have been previously understood or realized.
Try mind mapping with a friend to see how it works using a current or past problem.
Use reflective listening, asking questions only to clarify the person's position feelings on the situation.
It's much easier to see the faults in others than in oneself. Be patient and kind.
1. This person is in therapy. That is a good sign; however, the person may be using the sessions to complain or to gain support, but may not know how to be self reflective. I would take the road to discovery for both you and this person.
2. Asking open ended questions about what happened or what was said in a situation can help for starters, and then gradually adding questions about what the thoughts and feelings about it are can change the dialogue to self discovery, without blame or confrontation.
3. Teach the skills of self reflection or self examination in a way that affirms the truth and encourages problem solving.
4. I use "mind mapping" for individuals, couples and groups. It's an amazing tool that can help people know that they are being heard and respected. It sometimes is all they need. Getting the situation down on paper encourages seeing oneself in relationship to others, while forming solutions and creating different approaches that may not have been previously understood or realized.
Sally recommends the following next steps:
Updated
Michelle’s Answer
Hi, Maya !
To be honest with you, there is no answer to your question because people are very complex and all have very different circumstances so no one can tell you how to think, react or approach a patient. That's for you as a therapist to know when you are practicing, and everyone's different. This field is not a one plus one equals two type of work, rather very individualized and different things work for different patients/clients under different situations.
As a therapist, it's not up to you to deem the client/patient as being the problem. During your path to becoming a therapist you will learn theories, techniques, analysis and much more in order for you to work with all populations. The therapist-client/patient relationship is a process and sometimes it takes long and sometimes it's not so long to get to the root of the issues. This is one field of work that one can't generalize about. The worst thing a therapist could do is jump to conclusions.
During and after your path for this field of work, you will become familiar with a wide variety of behaviors and issues that will no longer seem mysterious to you. You will begin to understand. There are those you will work with that are resistant to change, refuse treatment and those that you will not see positive change and some you will see improvements in. It's all okay. It's nothing you're doing or not doing. All a therapist can do is assist the client or patient to understand what they may need to do to improve their situation. It's up to them.
You'll need to approach every patient/client with a completely unbiased outlook and not stereotype or jump to conclusions. Sometimes, you'll see that information is provided by the patient/client as well as family members or others that make the situation clearer than the client/patient can express.
Getting some experience doing some situational counseling may help familiarize you with the variety of how people are very different and have very many different situations. You can see if you can get a Work Study job on campus working in the Psychology Dept., the on campus clinic or volunteer at a community social services program. That will help you with what you've learned in the classroom.
So, try not to pre-think situations or evaluations of patients/clients. Everything you'll need to know will be found through college and hands on experience. Remember that your patients or clients are coming to you because they are having difficulty with the outside world and even though some can be a handful, they all really just want to adapt to a more comfortable world and be more at ease with themselves. You have nothing to worry about - you'll do fine.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best !
To be honest with you, there is no answer to your question because people are very complex and all have very different circumstances so no one can tell you how to think, react or approach a patient. That's for you as a therapist to know when you are practicing, and everyone's different. This field is not a one plus one equals two type of work, rather very individualized and different things work for different patients/clients under different situations.
As a therapist, it's not up to you to deem the client/patient as being the problem. During your path to becoming a therapist you will learn theories, techniques, analysis and much more in order for you to work with all populations. The therapist-client/patient relationship is a process and sometimes it takes long and sometimes it's not so long to get to the root of the issues. This is one field of work that one can't generalize about. The worst thing a therapist could do is jump to conclusions.
During and after your path for this field of work, you will become familiar with a wide variety of behaviors and issues that will no longer seem mysterious to you. You will begin to understand. There are those you will work with that are resistant to change, refuse treatment and those that you will not see positive change and some you will see improvements in. It's all okay. It's nothing you're doing or not doing. All a therapist can do is assist the client or patient to understand what they may need to do to improve their situation. It's up to them.
You'll need to approach every patient/client with a completely unbiased outlook and not stereotype or jump to conclusions. Sometimes, you'll see that information is provided by the patient/client as well as family members or others that make the situation clearer than the client/patient can express.
Getting some experience doing some situational counseling may help familiarize you with the variety of how people are very different and have very many different situations. You can see if you can get a Work Study job on campus working in the Psychology Dept., the on campus clinic or volunteer at a community social services program. That will help you with what you've learned in the classroom.
So, try not to pre-think situations or evaluations of patients/clients. Everything you'll need to know will be found through college and hands on experience. Remember that your patients or clients are coming to you because they are having difficulty with the outside world and even though some can be a handful, they all really just want to adapt to a more comfortable world and be more at ease with themselves. You have nothing to worry about - you'll do fine.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best !
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
1186
Answers
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hi Maya!
Great question! Helping people understand their part in a problem without making them feel defensive or judged is one of the most difficult and sensitive aspects of therapy, and this touches on it.
When a therapist works with a client who is unaware of how they are contributing to their own problems, the goal is not to "call them out," but rather to assist them in seeing patterns on their own. Internally generated insight is much more powerful than externally enforced insight.
Here’s how a therapist might approach it:
- Start with empathy and curiosity. Before providing interpretations, therapists listen intently to fully understand the client's narrative and emotional experience. They initially support the person's feelings, even if a pattern appears to be obvious.
- Gently reflect patterns. A therapist might ask, "I've noticed this pattern shows up in a few areas, what do you think might be happening?" as an alternative to saying, "You're the problem." Self-awareness, rather than blame, is made possible through reflection.
- Use evidence and examples. In order to help the client safely and clearly see the pattern, therapists may highlight actual instances from sessions or circumstances the client shared.
- Focus on growth, not guilt. Instead of guilt, empowerment is the aim. Good therapy enables patients to accept accountability for their decisions and see that change is achievable.
- Hold accountability with compassion. Therapists help clients feel comfortable enough to confront difficult realities by striking a balance between empathy and honesty.
Therapists who "encourage clients to stand firm in themselves" tend to be assisting their clients in developing a sense of self-worth. However, a competent therapist is also aware of when self-affirmation and self-reflection should be balanced. Both are necessary for true growth.
Your question cuts at the core of what makes therapy so effective: assisting individuals in seeing themselves honestly, compassionately, and clearly. Counseling becomes truly transformative when that balance is struck.
Best wishes!
Great question! Helping people understand their part in a problem without making them feel defensive or judged is one of the most difficult and sensitive aspects of therapy, and this touches on it.
When a therapist works with a client who is unaware of how they are contributing to their own problems, the goal is not to "call them out," but rather to assist them in seeing patterns on their own. Internally generated insight is much more powerful than externally enforced insight.
Here’s how a therapist might approach it:
- Start with empathy and curiosity. Before providing interpretations, therapists listen intently to fully understand the client's narrative and emotional experience. They initially support the person's feelings, even if a pattern appears to be obvious.
- Gently reflect patterns. A therapist might ask, "I've noticed this pattern shows up in a few areas, what do you think might be happening?" as an alternative to saying, "You're the problem." Self-awareness, rather than blame, is made possible through reflection.
- Use evidence and examples. In order to help the client safely and clearly see the pattern, therapists may highlight actual instances from sessions or circumstances the client shared.
- Focus on growth, not guilt. Instead of guilt, empowerment is the aim. Good therapy enables patients to accept accountability for their decisions and see that change is achievable.
- Hold accountability with compassion. Therapists help clients feel comfortable enough to confront difficult realities by striking a balance between empathy and honesty.
Therapists who "encourage clients to stand firm in themselves" tend to be assisting their clients in developing a sense of self-worth. However, a competent therapist is also aware of when self-affirmation and self-reflection should be balanced. Both are necessary for true growth.
Your question cuts at the core of what makes therapy so effective: assisting individuals in seeing themselves honestly, compassionately, and clearly. Counseling becomes truly transformative when that balance is struck.
Best wishes!