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How can you build confidence in yourself and feel like you aren't letting your parents done?

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Kelly’s Answer

Self confidence comes from within. I believe that the best way to build self confidence is through actively engaging in the world around us, building new skills, relationships, and knowledge, and doing all this for yourself and no one else. A simple example: I was feeling particularly low at one point and decided I needed to do something to boost my own confidence. I started taking singing lessons. Now... I'm not incredibly good at singing, but it has always brought me joy. I went to my lessons every week and each week I left the studio with just a little more joy in my heart and a little bit more self confidence knowing I had this thing I loved and I was working on improving.

I also get a lot of satisfaction and confidence through my work. I know that I am very good at my job - but I also know that I'm only good at it because I truly like what I do. While I do believe that a job is ultimately still a job and it won't always be enjoyable, if you can find a job in a field you're genuinely interested in, you will ultimately outperform those around you who are not as engaged or interested in the field.

As far as your parents go, I think as we grow up and start to become independent adults it becomes more clear that you need to be more focused on not disappointing yourself than your parents. While I understand (and respect) that you don't want to let them down, ultimately it will make you happier to set your own goals for yourself and work to achieve those versus anyone else's goals for you. We cannot look externally for validation if we want to live happy lives!

I hope this was helpful and sending you lots of confident thoughts! :)
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Chris’s Answer

As a Parent, I can tell you that the key thing I want for my daughter is for her to be happy pursuing a life that has meaning and value. In other words, she should not focus on "what makes Mum & Dad happy", but instead on making herself happy which should lead to us and others being happy as an outcome.

In terms of building self-confidence, I was quite a shy yet bubbly kid, and as I grew into my life and a career my self-confidence grew exponentially by doing the things I love to do, and moving away from things I can afford to avoid (within reason). I cannot afford not to work, so I also focus on doing work I genuinely enjoy on a daily basis, but that also gives me enough of a sense of meaning and fulfillment to close down the week thinking I have added more to the World that taken away (well, as much as it practically possible each week!). As a teenager, when asking my parents what I should choose for my career they answered very simply - "it is your choice not ours. We want YOU to choose and be happy. Just think what would you do each day for the sheer love of doing it, and see if you can shape a career around that." Consequently I have taken the following approach to my career - do what I love doing, then I will be very good at doing it due to my focus and enjoyment derived, then as a consequence I will gain great benefits e.g. salary, promotions, opportunities to expand learning or related roles, and most importantly, the level of self-confidence knowing I am better than average in what I do, and therefore at a level of success I subjectively think is what I aspire to. The more you practice, the better you get at something, and the more confident you become.

I hope this helps. Just remember - inside we all think we need more self-confidence, but outside almost everyone (that's c7Billion people!) is anxious, shy and feels they need to work on their self-confidence!! You are usually more able, gifted, and freer to design and live an incredible life that you might think! All the very best.....
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Veton’s Answer

First and foremost your parents love you endlessly.

Your parents goal was to have an impact on society and to better the future that's why they had you. They wanted to leave an impact on their own and I'd say they did a great job. What your parents want out of you is for you to feel loved, they you want you to be happy, and most importantly they want you to spread that in today's society to those in need so we can all take a positive step forward.

Don't worry about the career, try new things dive into unknown waters. Take that next risky step so that you can get out of your comfort zone and grow. Once you try new things you will get a click and know where you belong and where you will be the most successful. Look at your skillset and face new challenges so you can build upon them. However take a look at your greatest skill and make sure you master it. You will do well good luck to you.
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Howard’s Answer

Hi Liana,

For me I built my self confidence by choosing a profession that I really liked, which was teaching as a professor in College. My first days of teaching were difficult but I found that the more I did it, the better I became which also built up my confidence.

Choose some things you really enjoy doing and bring success into your life. The more success you have the more confident you will get. There may be some bumps in the road where you will fail, but don't worry about that. We can learn from our failures and then become even more self-confident that what we are doing is right. Hope this helps and have a great day..
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Suzy’s Answer

Hi Liana,

As a millennial, I could say social media played a big role in my self confidence. Social media portrays perfectionism and the fear of missing out. We begin to try to live up to what social media tends to be, but it could create a lot of competition, anxiety, and pressure. I had to take a step back and realize what's being posted online isn't reality. The people behind the lens are normal people who are living through their own issues and go through fears that we all have, which is normal. It's also important to realize that people never post their failures.

Never compare yourself to others and remind yourself that everyone's goals, paths, and lives are different. Always look at what you have achieved in life, no matter how big or small. In my opinion, one of the major factors to build self confidence is to change your mindset to think positive. POSTIVITY IS KEY! "Yes, I CAN do this. I'm NOT nervous, I'm excited." When we become nervous, our heart rate increases and we have that "sick to our stomach" feeling. In other words, we allow our bodies to control our mind. Talk to yourself when you become nervous and learn to control your emotions. That will give you room to build your confidence.

Find a hobby that makes you happy. Do an activity you've never done before. You would be surprised to find out what interests you.

As to letting your parents down- you never will. Sometimes you would have to explain to them why you are choosing a certain path, but no matter what path you choose in life, your parents are there to love and support you always.

Hope this helps!
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Tidjan’s Answer

One of the great way to build confidence is continuous practice in whatever you want to get better in. Decide on a goal that will get you right into the flow state. A goal that is outside your comfort zone but not so far that you feel frustrated.
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Mariah’s Answer

Hi Liana,

I agree with Steve's answer. I'd also recommend when you have your list of activities that are interesting to you pick 1 or 2 and get involved with them in a way that connects you to others. For example, if you like writing, join a writing workshop or group. Practicing and improving a skill while being bolstered by other people with similar interests can help with confidence. The support of other people with similar interests can really make a difference.

Hope this helps!

Best,
Mariah

Mariah recommends the following next steps:

Check out groups on Meetup: https://www.meetup.com/
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Reema’s Answer

In the end this life is yours. If your parents really have your best interest at heart, they should be happy and proud no matter what you do. I feel as a parent now, as long as my children are happy and working hard at whatever they choose to do I would be proud of them. I would use that same energy for your situation.

There’s a fine line between being selfish and living life on your own terms, and I know it can be hard to find the answer to that question. I think if you have a clear conscience you’re fine, just spend time thinking and talking with them about what their issue is and are they proud of you and if not why not.
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Steve’s Answer

Hi Liana,

To build self-confidence, the first thing you need to know: you live for yourself not for others.
There's no way to please everyone. You just have to make yourself better and happier.
You can list some activities or subjects that are interesting to you, then work on them.
By completing some achievement stage by stage, you'll get satisfaction and pride in yourself.
Magically, others will feel your confidence and even boost you into an upward spiral.
Hope this advice helps you.





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