11 answers
Veronica
Student
San Jacinto, California
1
Question
Asked
1210 views
What do I do about an unsupportive family?
Why doesn't my family support me wanting to be chef. This is what I want to be and they don't want to try my food and they belittle me about the whole idea.
10 answers
Michelle M.
Actress
2646
Answers
Updated
Michelle’s Answer
Hello, Veronica !
It's wonderful that you already have a career dream and you should never give up on it. I know it is probably a huge let-down that your family isn't supportive, all the more belittles the idea, but if being a chef is what you really want to do, you can do it ! I want to assure you here and now that you can learn your culinary skills and become a chef without family understanding or being supportive of it.
Since they have already informed you of and demonstrated their mindset about your career goals, one tip is - never speak about it again to them. I sort of went through this (without the belittling part) with my mom when I started studying acting and Theatre in college. She showed signs of being in denial about it, so I never talked about it with her. Once she saw I was an active actress and then obtained my first career job straight out of college, she warmed up to the idea and it became real to her. This is why sometimes, not beating the subject can be the best thing. You will have other supports along the way, you'll see.
If you are still in high school, do volunteer work cooking at a soup kitchen or get a part time job at an eatery if you are of working age. Plan going to Culinary School later on. Know your plan. Share your thoughts with your school social worker and teachers and join activities and cooking clubs at school. Don't let anyone's mindset get between your dream and taking action towards your goals.
Start cooking for yourself and friends. Plan Pot Luck luncheons over a friend's house. Share your talents with those who enjoy and appreciate your skills. It's okay that some people don't support us for whatever reason they really have, there are always more people out there that will validate you. This may be a good time to expand your social circle and meet some new people. Most people would invite you to cook and bake for them.
Despite having the negative feedback from your family, learn something new about culinary everyday. Read books, websites, and watch internet videos and the food channels. Mt. San Jacinto College provides a Culinary Arts Program for people in your age group. I would advise that you visit there and obtain all the information you'd need to make definite plans. You can do this. Being around non-supportive people can be a barrier, but you have the drive and strength to break through that road block. Never underestimate yourself !
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best !
It's wonderful that you already have a career dream and you should never give up on it. I know it is probably a huge let-down that your family isn't supportive, all the more belittles the idea, but if being a chef is what you really want to do, you can do it ! I want to assure you here and now that you can learn your culinary skills and become a chef without family understanding or being supportive of it.
Since they have already informed you of and demonstrated their mindset about your career goals, one tip is - never speak about it again to them. I sort of went through this (without the belittling part) with my mom when I started studying acting and Theatre in college. She showed signs of being in denial about it, so I never talked about it with her. Once she saw I was an active actress and then obtained my first career job straight out of college, she warmed up to the idea and it became real to her. This is why sometimes, not beating the subject can be the best thing. You will have other supports along the way, you'll see.
If you are still in high school, do volunteer work cooking at a soup kitchen or get a part time job at an eatery if you are of working age. Plan going to Culinary School later on. Know your plan. Share your thoughts with your school social worker and teachers and join activities and cooking clubs at school. Don't let anyone's mindset get between your dream and taking action towards your goals.
Start cooking for yourself and friends. Plan Pot Luck luncheons over a friend's house. Share your talents with those who enjoy and appreciate your skills. It's okay that some people don't support us for whatever reason they really have, there are always more people out there that will validate you. This may be a good time to expand your social circle and meet some new people. Most people would invite you to cook and bake for them.
Despite having the negative feedback from your family, learn something new about culinary everyday. Read books, websites, and watch internet videos and the food channels. Mt. San Jacinto College provides a Culinary Arts Program for people in your age group. I would advise that you visit there and obtain all the information you'd need to make definite plans. You can do this. Being around non-supportive people can be a barrier, but you have the drive and strength to break through that road block. Never underestimate yourself !
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best !
Rebecca Tang
Banking
2133
Answers
Hong Kong
Updated
Rebecca’s Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear this. However, I have suggestions below:
1. Have an open discussion with your family to share your passion and understand their thoughts.
2. Keep learning and practicing your cooking techniques. You can learn techniques from YouTube video
3. Explore the entry criteria of culinary schools and attend courses.
4. Share your dishes with your friends and obtain their feedback
5. Explore any intern opportunities in restaurants
Keep your family update in your progress. Show them your commitment working in culinary industry.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
May Almighty God bless you!
1. Have an open discussion with your family to share your passion and understand their thoughts.
2. Keep learning and practicing your cooking techniques. You can learn techniques from YouTube video
3. Explore the entry criteria of culinary schools and attend courses.
4. Share your dishes with your friends and obtain their feedback
5. Explore any intern opportunities in restaurants
Keep your family update in your progress. Show them your commitment working in culinary industry.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
May Almighty God bless you!
Juan-Carlos Valadez
R&D Chef
2
Answers
Chicago, Illinois
Updated
Juan-Carlos’s Answer
If you want to be a chef, you will need tough skin. Whether you have it now or not, you will develop it. Regardless of the support, pursue your passion. Use criticism, nay-sayers, and other sticks in the mud as fuel to drive you. Continue to cook, invite them to places you work, leave them treats or food for them, etc. Continue to be kind and respectful, and over time, they will only be able to accept your career path. They can't be mad and unsupportive forever.
Also, make sure to prepare them for what's ahead. Depending on the path you take, this could be long days, missing birthdays, forgoing holidays, and late nights, etc. This could help with the support in having some empathy for you.
Also, make sure to prepare them for what's ahead. Depending on the path you take, this could be long days, missing birthdays, forgoing holidays, and late nights, etc. This could help with the support in having some empathy for you.
Lisa Sandford
Learning & Development
6
Answers
Solihull, England, United Kingdom
Updated
Lisa’s Answer
I'm really sorry you're going through that—it’s hard when the people closest to you don’t support something you truly care about. 💔 But please know this: your passion is valid, and your dream matters. Becoming a chef takes heart, creativity, and determination—and you clearly have all three.
Sometimes, people don’t understand paths that don’t fit their idea of success, but that doesn’t mean your path is wrong. Keep cooking, keep learning, and find people (teachers, friends, mentors) who do believe in you and your vision.
You don’t need everyone's approval to succeed—you just need to believe in yourself. And from what you’ve shared? You're already on your way.
Sometimes, people don’t understand paths that don’t fit their idea of success, but that doesn’t mean your path is wrong. Keep cooking, keep learning, and find people (teachers, friends, mentors) who do believe in you and your vision.
You don’t need everyone's approval to succeed—you just need to believe in yourself. And from what you’ve shared? You're already on your way.
Katherine Thompson
Consultant
1
Answer
Dallas, Texas
Updated
Katherine’s Answer
Hi!
A few pieces of general advice for when family (or others) are not supportive of your aspirations:
1) Be open to feedback. Listen to what your family is saying, and earnestly consider their feedback. You don't have to ultimately take their advice, but you should always be open to hearing another perspective.
2) You ultimately are responsible for your own decisions. Consider the pros and cons of your decision, and own it. Be honest with yourself, and others. You can share your reasons, but realize others may not understand. Remember, you can only control your actions and your words. Always take the high road!
3) Try to do things on your own, financially. When people are financially supporting you, they will have a say on how the money is spent.
A few pieces of general advice for when family (or others) are not supportive of your aspirations:
1) Be open to feedback. Listen to what your family is saying, and earnestly consider their feedback. You don't have to ultimately take their advice, but you should always be open to hearing another perspective.
2) You ultimately are responsible for your own decisions. Consider the pros and cons of your decision, and own it. Be honest with yourself, and others. You can share your reasons, but realize others may not understand. Remember, you can only control your actions and your words. Always take the high road!
3) Try to do things on your own, financially. When people are financially supporting you, they will have a say on how the money is spent.
Emily Fiala-Dagnan
Personal Wellness Chef&Holistic Nutritionist
5
Answers
Fort Worth, Texas
Updated
Emily’s Answer
I hate that you feel this way about your dreams- I understand this first hand, as my family and high school neither supported my culinary dreams. I was told that I would be considered “ the help” and culinary was not a “ real career”. I put off my dreams of culinary school until my 20’s, and actually working as a chef until my 40s. I now get to live my dreams, but it has been a huge sacrifice and struggle. Don’t let anyone tell you that your dreams aren’t good enough. They are yours and yours alone. Don't sacrifice what you love for those who don’t understand it, nor have the passion to chase it! Get out there and chop, bake and sauce!!
Francesco Formisano
Music producer
3
Answers
Trondheim, Sor-Trondelag, Norway
Updated
Francesco’s Answer
Take an extra job or a side one to sustain yourself and have an economic base to sustain you and invest in your dream
Your family is not your audience. They never will (maybe when you will have a Michelin star,but still, not a good audience)
Surround yourself with positive and kitchen interested people. Hang with them (even if online). This is enough support, even if it's 1 or 2 people. Look on socials (groups on FB, discord communities, ecc) and events in your area.
Offer to cook for free at charity events or other events with food (as long as you don't pay for ingredients). Go for meeting people, talk to them, build your audience
Your family is not your audience. They never will (maybe when you will have a Michelin star,but still, not a good audience)
Surround yourself with positive and kitchen interested people. Hang with them (even if online). This is enough support, even if it's 1 or 2 people. Look on socials (groups on FB, discord communities, ecc) and events in your area.
Offer to cook for free at charity events or other events with food (as long as you don't pay for ingredients). Go for meeting people, talk to them, build your audience
Claire Upham
Technology Consultant
3
Answers
Houston, Texas
Updated
Claire’s Answer
It's amazing that you found an area that you are passionate about! If we let the criticism and judgement of others weigh us down, we'll never really know what we're capable of. I wish your family was more supportive, but sometimes we need to look for other people and groups to bring us the support and safety we need. Often, and even with family, treatment like this towards us can be a bigger sign of their own insecurities more then it is a reflection of our own abilities. You got this!
Chris D'Andrea
Account Manager
2
Answers
San Francisco, California
Updated
Chris’s Answer
Hi! I was in a similar situation and was actually a professional chef for over 10 years, so I can relate to what you're feeling.
If you haven't ever actually worked in a restaurant before, I would encourage you to get a job in a kitchen ASAP and see how you like it. TV and movies glamorize the industry (which is great) but there is no denying that cooking professionally is extremely physically demanding, and comes with many trade-offs.
You'll always be working while everyone else is off for the holidays or going out on the weekend. There's also no denying that your lifetime earning potential will be a bit less than other career paths. Money is not the ultimate goal in life, but it certainly makes some things easier. Can you pursue a university degree while working at a restaurant, to keep your options open?
The good thing is that restaurants are always hiring. I have no doubt you could walk into almost any kitchen and get a job that same day. I don't regret my time as a chef, but the physical workload is taxing; doable when you're young, but increasingly difficult as you get older. Give it a shot, but don't limit your future.
If you haven't ever actually worked in a restaurant before, I would encourage you to get a job in a kitchen ASAP and see how you like it. TV and movies glamorize the industry (which is great) but there is no denying that cooking professionally is extremely physically demanding, and comes with many trade-offs.
You'll always be working while everyone else is off for the holidays or going out on the weekend. There's also no denying that your lifetime earning potential will be a bit less than other career paths. Money is not the ultimate goal in life, but it certainly makes some things easier. Can you pursue a university degree while working at a restaurant, to keep your options open?
The good thing is that restaurants are always hiring. I have no doubt you could walk into almost any kitchen and get a job that same day. I don't regret my time as a chef, but the physical workload is taxing; doable when you're young, but increasingly difficult as you get older. Give it a shot, but don't limit your future.
Howard Pierceall CEC, CCE WCEC
Chef, Chef Instructor, Business owner
120
Answers
Sun City, Arizona
Updated
Howard’s Answer
Your parents only want the best for you and want you to be sucessful. Many people do not cobsider being a chef a successful career. It is a hard career, but you can be sucessful and make good money. If it makes you happy do it. Money is not everything. If you choose a career you like, it makes you happy and you can pay your bills? That is the right decision for you. Do research and show your parents there are good careers in Hospitality and being a chef.
Good luck and do not give up.
Good luck and do not give up.
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