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How to bounce back from failure when you have depression ?

For most of my life, I’ve been a pretty good student. People always expected me to get into Ivy League but I went to SUNY instead. The work load is easy for me but after getting severe depression and anxiety, my grades have plummeted and I lost all my financial aid after appeal. I feel like I've gone backwards while everyone is moving forward. How do I gain back my confidence and my future? Thank You. #depression #failure #confidence #future #personal-development #work-life-balance


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Thomas’s Answer

No two people operate on the same timeline. Their success doesn't equate to your failure. Focus on what makes you feel satisfied and happy. Take care of the underlying causes of your depression. It's important to be honest about what laid you low, so you can be aware and look out for it in the future.

People expect to take the direct path, but in my experience they rarely do. Embrace what you can learn from the experiences life has given you. Build them into the narrative of how you have gotten to where you are, and let them make you stronger by learning from them. Forward isn't always exactly the direction you wanted to go, but it can get you there with an open mind and determination not to quit.

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Roger’s Answer

Hello Naomi,

Life can be a bumpy ride. I have been in your shoes so I totally understand that going backwards feeling.
Things that helped get out that whole where:

- Seek help. Most people are kind and willing to assist. Old friends, family members and support programs can help.
- Do not compare yourself with the others, focus on getting better by the day.
- Celebrate the small wins.
- Last but not least. Breath. :)


Hope it helps

Roger


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Mason’s Answer

I have adult ADHD, which causes anxiety and depression. The key to being able to contribute in a professional setting while living with the disorder is self-love. Act with compassion for yourself first in all things, and the rest will fall into place. You are not less-than or inadequate because you have different needs than most people. You are not defective. Anxiety tricks us into thinking no one likes us, or everyone thinks we're useless. Remind yourself how far you have come. Review goals that you've accomplished and meditate on the healthy relationships you've cultivated. Count your blessings and loved ones. Utilize the resources your employer makes available to you, be that a behavioral health employee assistance program or your health insurance. Even when you think you don't really need it, stay in regular talk therapy as much as you're able to. Have a treatment plan and stick to it; be an active participant in your mental health treatment. Be deliberate with your time: make time to care for yourself in ways that only you know how. Take a no-responsibility day once or twice a month. Allow yourself time to be vulnerable and weak if you need to. It is all right to feel sorry for yourself, but only in a way that is self-empathetic. If you're prescribed meds, take them exactly as ordered and make note of how they make you feel. Be open and honest with your care team.

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Sabrina’s Answer

Hello!

Please allow me to challenge you a little:

What means confidence to you?
I invite you to deconstruct the meaning of this word.

When you do so in a deeper level, you realize that it all come down to one’s beliefs.
We all shape our lives with the beliefs that we have.

How about you start believing you CAN for a change?! 💖😃


Step 1:
“Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t - You are right.”

Work on your beliefs.
What are the beliefs that triggers your actions, your self-talks

~> question everything and check-in with yourself:
Is this action serving me?
Does it help me?
Is this person lifting me up, or dragging me down? (It might be time to surround yourself with uplifting people that believe in you)
Is this leading me towards my goals?
And so on.

The objective here is to find out who you are, what’s your likes and dislikes, how you learn, how you process informations, what beliefs you take on and live by without even knowing why.

Understand who you are, will help you love yourself, which incidentally boost your confidence.

Start making decisions for yourself that empowers you, so you can own the best version of yourself, which will allow you to help others much better!

For some people the moto “fake it until you make it” works just fine.


Step 2:
Fear or Failure - Failing = anxiety - depression - poor self-confidence.

These are also a matter of beliefs. I know society as it it today and for the last 1000000 years, as well as most school systems, don’t send the right message on that one. (Thinking of tests...) However, it doesn’t make it a rule nor an excuse. But that’s a topic for another place and another time.

Failure is good! I love failing, i failed so many time! And I know I will fail millions of times until the end of my life, and so will you too!

Failing is just a part of a process. The best process of all: LEARNING!
It helps us see what works and what doesn’t work.
Like a signal if you will. A milestone alert. An encouraging message that shows the progress we have accomplished so far.

So be gentle, kind and more importantly be compassionate to yourself! 🤗

Start challenging the beliefs that say: we must “be perfect and at your first attempt”! It is a silly belief that doesn’t make any sense, and yet we still do it!

Embrace your failings and celebrate them!

Make sure you try different approach to find the solution of each problem. Use your creativity!


Step 3:
Set goals!

Imagine you have a genie 🧞‍♂️.
You’d want the genie to grant your wishes right?
If you give him a vague wish, say for example:
“Genie, I want to have more money!”
He might give you a dollar. “There you go! You have now a dollar more than what you initially had!”
You get the idea: Be specific with your objectives. And every day set a few goals that will lead you towards your goals. Be persistent, that’s the only way you are going to achieve all your goals. Even when it gets difficult at times, these moments are the ones you want to push through at any cost, because that the ones that be the most rewarding for you. These are your best lessons and best souvenirs.


Step 4:
Be positive! Write empowering words on your mirror, or notes that you will stick on a wall or fridge, wherever you can see it daily.

Find a positive out come of each situation. There is always one. Some situations may be more challenging than others, which require some out-of-the-box thinking and a generous amount of creativity.

Step 5:
Learning new skills is great. Learn every day something new and different, that opens your mind and gives you more options 😉
Putting your new skills into practice is even better 😊

Step 6:
Last but not least: forgive yourself.

This is the most power tool that you have, forgive yourself for the little grudge you hold against yourself. All those negative words, self-talks, regrets, all of it. Forgive yourself for each of them, until you can see the brighter you underneath that pile of negativeness.

And start being proud of who you are. All the things that you do so well, that seems so easy to do in your vision. Know that it’s not as easy for everyone.

It’s not because something is easy for you that you shouldn’t take credit for it. So please start acknowledging your awesomeness and you’ll start to blossom, I assure you!
That’s what I did 😉


You can do this! I believe in you!
Do you yet?


PS: You already are the best version of yourself, we are all born extraordinary, we just need to discover it again and own it 😉

Have a wonderful day!

Sabrina Bouhadji
Life Coach

Sabrina recommends the following next steps:

1- Make it fun 😉 Imagine you are on a treasure hunt or a video game if that’s what you prefer ;) and your mission is to detect a old belief, deconstruct it and find out if it helps you move forward if it holds you back.
2- What did you learn with your last fail? Did you celebrate it?
3- Did you set up clear and precise objectives? How many goals towards your bigger objectives did you completed so far? TIP: See it as the many levels to complete before you access to the BIG BOSS at the end of the game. MORE TIP: if you find it difficult to set an objective: what is your ”someday I'll....” fill in the blanks.
4- How much fun and AHA moments did you have with your daily learning?
5- Remember to forgive yourself everyday, and be proud of yourself! You are unique and amazing! The best version of you, is YOU! So be you and own it ;)

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Roland’s Answer

Seek help. There are support sites as well a people that are always avaliable for you to talk to. Everyone sometimes just needs a open ear. Never give up the fight to get back on top. You can do it as long as you believe. I know how you feel. It’s hard to sometimes try but when you know your better and have done better you can never give in! Don’t bottle it up reach out!


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Molly’s Answer

Call 800-273-8255 (the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline). Visit their website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

There are so many resources to help out there :)

Use all failures as an opportunity for growth. If you have this mindset, then you will have no failures in life- you will only have lessons. Life is an accumulation of lessons learned and a lot of the times those lessons come from us not succeeding the first time in trying something. That doesn't make us bad people. Reach out for help and don't be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. People are trained in these areas to help others out for a reason.

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Anthony’s Answer

Naomi, great question! I'd encourage you to look forward and think about the steps you need to take to "rebound" from the challenges you're currently experiencing.

Nothing you can do will change the past. But, you have the ability to rewrite the future if you invest in doing the "right" things going forward. Take it one step at a time. Focus on the daily activities that will help you get the best grades possible for this semester and set goals for the future.

One day at a time. Invest in educating yourself on your personal challenges. And, focus on moving forward! That's the best advice I think I have.

My favorite quote right now, "life is a movie that you create."

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