4 answers
Samantha
Student
1
Question
Updated
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How does one know if they have the tenacity and grit to become a marriage and family therapist?
I am going to study psychology next year in college and would like some advice on this career path. #Spring26
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4 answers
Samuel Mutua
10
Answers
Nairobi, Nairobi County, Kenya
Updated
Samuel’s Answer
Hi Samantha,
A very real way to approach this is to say that you don’t need to have all the “grit and tenacity” figured out right now.
Those qualities are actually built over time through experience, not something you either have or don’t have from the start. What matters more at this stage is whether you’re genuinely curious about people, willing to sit with others through uncomfortable emotions, and open to learning about yourself as much as others.
As you go through your psychology degree, you should pay attention to how you respond to listening, helping, and handling emotionally heavy conversations, and try to get practical exposure through volunteering, internships, or shadowing therapists. That’s where you'll start to see if this path fits you.
It’s also important to know that being a marriage and family therapist requires emotional resilience, patience, and ongoing self-work, but those are things you grow into,so the focus now should be on exploring, gaining experience, and being honest with yourself about what you learn along the way.
A very real way to approach this is to say that you don’t need to have all the “grit and tenacity” figured out right now.
Those qualities are actually built over time through experience, not something you either have or don’t have from the start. What matters more at this stage is whether you’re genuinely curious about people, willing to sit with others through uncomfortable emotions, and open to learning about yourself as much as others.
As you go through your psychology degree, you should pay attention to how you respond to listening, helping, and handling emotionally heavy conversations, and try to get practical exposure through volunteering, internships, or shadowing therapists. That’s where you'll start to see if this path fits you.
It’s also important to know that being a marriage and family therapist requires emotional resilience, patience, and ongoing self-work, but those are things you grow into,so the focus now should be on exploring, gaining experience, and being honest with yourself about what you learn along the way.
Samuel Mutua
10
Answers
Nairobi, Nairobi County, Kenya
Updated
Samuel’s Answer
Hi Samantha,
A very real way to approach this is to say that you don’t need to have all the “grit and tenacity” figured out right now.
Those qualities are actually built over time through experience, not something you either have or don’t have from the start. What matters more at this stage is whether you’re genuinely curious about people, willing to sit with others through uncomfortable emotions, and open to learning about yourself as much as others.
As you go through your psychology degree, you should pay attention to how you respond to listening, helping, and handling emotionally heavy conversations, and try to get practical exposure through volunteering, internships, or shadowing therapists. That’s where you'll start to see if this path fits you.
It’s also important to know that being a marriage and family therapist requires emotional resilience, patience, and ongoing self-work, but those are things you grow into,so the focus now should be on exploring, gaining experience, and being honest with yourself about what you learn along the way.
Best Regards 💐✨
A very real way to approach this is to say that you don’t need to have all the “grit and tenacity” figured out right now.
Those qualities are actually built over time through experience, not something you either have or don’t have from the start. What matters more at this stage is whether you’re genuinely curious about people, willing to sit with others through uncomfortable emotions, and open to learning about yourself as much as others.
As you go through your psychology degree, you should pay attention to how you respond to listening, helping, and handling emotionally heavy conversations, and try to get practical exposure through volunteering, internships, or shadowing therapists. That’s where you'll start to see if this path fits you.
It’s also important to know that being a marriage and family therapist requires emotional resilience, patience, and ongoing self-work, but those are things you grow into,so the focus now should be on exploring, gaining experience, and being honest with yourself about what you learn along the way.
Best Regards 💐✨
Thank you so much Samuel for responding to my question. What you said really resonated with me. It's okay not to have all the answers and experience now. I just need to live in the moment and keep a compassionate soul. My father's name is also Samuel. Thank you again for the advice!
-Samantha
Samantha
You're welcome Samantha, what a coincidence that is 💐☺️. I wish you all the best as you walk the path ✨ Please share the successes and struggles as you go onward and upwards for more people to learn from you.
Best regards📌
Samuel Mutua
Stan Hutch
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
8
Answers
Los Angeles, California
Updated
Stan’s Answer
Hi! Stan here, LMFT in Los Angeles. Honest answer: most people who become good MFTs didn't know in advance whether they had the tenacity. They found out by doing the work.
So the better question is probably: what does the work actually require, and how can you test yourself against it before fully committing to a master's program?
What the work requires: Sitting with discomfort. Clients will tell you things that are hard to hear, and the job is to stay present, not flinch, and respond usefully. This is a learnable skill but it takes a tolerance for emotional intensity. Self-awareness. Therapists who don't know what's getting triggered in them tend to project their stuff onto clients without realizing it. The honest, ongoing work of looking at yourself is non-negotiable. Comfort with not-knowing. A lot of therapy is helping clients tolerate uncertainty, which is impossible if you can't tolerate it yourself.
Patience. Growth in your own skill comes from thousands of repetitions, not from breakthroughs. The career is long. Resilience under pressure. Caseloads are heavy in some settings, paperwork is real, and burnout is a documented problem in the field. The ones who last build sustainable habits early.
How to test yourself before committing: Volunteer at a crisis hotline or peer counseling program. A few months of this will tell you whether the work fits you. Shadow practicing therapists in different settings. The job looks different in private practice versus community mental health versus schools, and you'll learn something about what you're drawn to. Take a course or workshop in active listening, motivational interviewing, or trauma-informed care. See how it feels to hold space for someone else's experience for an extended time. Get into your own therapy. It's both useful self-knowledge and a window into what the work actually looks like from the client side.
If after all that you're still drawn to it, the tenacity question usually answers itself. When you're ready to compare master's programs, here's an ad-free directory worth bookmarking: https://sentio.org/mft-programs-in-california
This work has been one of the most meaningful things I've done, and if you're genuinely drawn to it, I'd say go for it.
Visit this ad-free directory of MFT programs in California: https://sentio.org/mft-programs-in-california
So the better question is probably: what does the work actually require, and how can you test yourself against it before fully committing to a master's program?
What the work requires: Sitting with discomfort. Clients will tell you things that are hard to hear, and the job is to stay present, not flinch, and respond usefully. This is a learnable skill but it takes a tolerance for emotional intensity. Self-awareness. Therapists who don't know what's getting triggered in them tend to project their stuff onto clients without realizing it. The honest, ongoing work of looking at yourself is non-negotiable. Comfort with not-knowing. A lot of therapy is helping clients tolerate uncertainty, which is impossible if you can't tolerate it yourself.
Patience. Growth in your own skill comes from thousands of repetitions, not from breakthroughs. The career is long. Resilience under pressure. Caseloads are heavy in some settings, paperwork is real, and burnout is a documented problem in the field. The ones who last build sustainable habits early.
How to test yourself before committing: Volunteer at a crisis hotline or peer counseling program. A few months of this will tell you whether the work fits you. Shadow practicing therapists in different settings. The job looks different in private practice versus community mental health versus schools, and you'll learn something about what you're drawn to. Take a course or workshop in active listening, motivational interviewing, or trauma-informed care. See how it feels to hold space for someone else's experience for an extended time. Get into your own therapy. It's both useful self-knowledge and a window into what the work actually looks like from the client side.
If after all that you're still drawn to it, the tenacity question usually answers itself. When you're ready to compare master's programs, here's an ad-free directory worth bookmarking: https://sentio.org/mft-programs-in-california
This work has been one of the most meaningful things I've done, and if you're genuinely drawn to it, I'd say go for it.
Stan recommends the following next steps:
Chinyere Okafor
Educationist and Counseling Psychologist
1381
Answers
Port Harcourt, Rivers, Nigeria
Updated
Chinyere’s Answer
Hi Samantha,
This is a powerful question, and the fact that you’re asking it already shows a level of self-awareness that’s essential for this path.
Here’s the truth: you don’t need to already have perfect “grit” or “tenacity” to become a marriage and family therapist. Those qualities are developed through the process, not required at the start. A better way to assess your fit is to look for a few key signals:
First, can you stay present with people even when things are uncomfortable? Therapy often involves sitting with conflict, pain, or silence. If you’re willing to lean into that (even if it’s hard), that’s a strong foundation.
Second, do you have a genuine curiosity about people, not just a desire to “help”? The work isn’t about fixing others; it’s about understanding patterns, emotions, and relationships over time.
Third, are you open to working on yourself? This career will challenge you to reflect on your own beliefs, triggers, and communication style. Growth on this path is very personal.
Now, about grit specifically, it shows up as:
- Showing up consistently, even when you feel emotionally tired
- Managing boundaries so you don’t carry everything home
- Continuing to learn, even when progress feels slow
And here’s the key insight: you don’t figure this out by thinking; you figure it out by testing yourself in real environments. So a practical next step would be to:
- Volunteer or work in people-centered spaces (hotlines, youth programs, peer support, etc.)
- Take introductory psychology or counseling-related courses
- Reflect on how you feel after these experiences (energized, drained, fulfilled?)
That feedback will tell you far more than any personality test.
Also, it’s okay if you discover along the way that it’s not the right fit; that’s not failure, that’s alignment. You don’t need certainty right now. You need exposure, reflection, and willingness to grow. If those are in place, grit will follow.
Best wishes!
This is a powerful question, and the fact that you’re asking it already shows a level of self-awareness that’s essential for this path.
Here’s the truth: you don’t need to already have perfect “grit” or “tenacity” to become a marriage and family therapist. Those qualities are developed through the process, not required at the start. A better way to assess your fit is to look for a few key signals:
First, can you stay present with people even when things are uncomfortable? Therapy often involves sitting with conflict, pain, or silence. If you’re willing to lean into that (even if it’s hard), that’s a strong foundation.
Second, do you have a genuine curiosity about people, not just a desire to “help”? The work isn’t about fixing others; it’s about understanding patterns, emotions, and relationships over time.
Third, are you open to working on yourself? This career will challenge you to reflect on your own beliefs, triggers, and communication style. Growth on this path is very personal.
Now, about grit specifically, it shows up as:
- Showing up consistently, even when you feel emotionally tired
- Managing boundaries so you don’t carry everything home
- Continuing to learn, even when progress feels slow
And here’s the key insight: you don’t figure this out by thinking; you figure it out by testing yourself in real environments. So a practical next step would be to:
- Volunteer or work in people-centered spaces (hotlines, youth programs, peer support, etc.)
- Take introductory psychology or counseling-related courses
- Reflect on how you feel after these experiences (energized, drained, fulfilled?)
That feedback will tell you far more than any personality test.
Also, it’s okay if you discover along the way that it’s not the right fit; that’s not failure, that’s alignment. You don’t need certainty right now. You need exposure, reflection, and willingness to grow. If those are in place, grit will follow.
Best wishes!
Hello Chinyere, I want to thank you for your advice on this. I appreciate the in depth recommendations you gave to me. Hearing that becoming a therapist is about showing up, continuing to learn, and managing boundaries is something that I will hold close to my heart. Thank you so much.
Samantha
You're welcome, Samantha.
Chinyere Okafor
Those are great points. I wanted to be able to handle that kind of work, but when I did some volunteering, I could feel my body physically reacting when someone was really upset. It reinforced how important it is to test this out early.
I actually went through an entire master’s program in therapy before fully realizing it wasn’t the right fit for me. It really does take a certain kind of nervous system to do that work well. Therapists have a level of resilience I genuinely respect.
Janelle
Of course!
Chinyere Okafor