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Palo Alto, California
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What do you do when your parents force you into a career that's not of your choice?
I am in college studying medical research.
Note: this question was asked anonymously by a learner
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9 answers
Alan Weber
writer and retired teacher, teacher educator and academic advisor
207
Answers
Woodstock, New York
Updated
Alan’s Answer
This isn't an easy question to answer without having an understanding of the student's family circumstances. Would the parents react violently, would they throw the student out of their home, would they cut off the student from needed money, etc.? If the answer to those questions is no, then the answer gets a bit easier. She/he has to follow her/his own dreams, not those of her/his parents. If the student can discuss it, then discuss it. If the student can ignore them, ignore them. If family counseling might help, use it. The student might not get help in pursuing the career of her/his choice, but it's better to work harder to do it on one's own than to follow a course that one knows will make for unhappiness.
Then the question becomes, does the student know what alternative field she/he prefers. If yes, she/he has to do it. If not, there might be a number of courses that can be taken that would work toward the major her/his parents want and still be applicable to an alternative course of study once decided upon. Ultimately, the parents have no right to dictate their child's future, even if they think they know best... even if they're right.
Then the question becomes, does the student know what alternative field she/he prefers. If yes, she/he has to do it. If not, there might be a number of courses that can be taken that would work toward the major her/his parents want and still be applicable to an alternative course of study once decided upon. Ultimately, the parents have no right to dictate their child's future, even if they think they know best... even if they're right.
Violetta Voronina
Business Fin Ops/Program management
3
Answers
Pasadena, Maryland
Updated
Violetta’s Answer
This is such a great question! I was lucky enough that my parents let me choose a career that I wanted to choose. However, if I was in the same boat as you, I would explain my strengths and maybe look for a compromise. Parents always want what's best for you, even though sometimes it seems like it's the best for them.
I would also try to understand why they chose a certain career path for you. I would also do research and look at job postings and this will help you with the compromise. Also try to understand why they want a particular career for you- is it a family business? do they see something in you that you don't see in yourself? is it something they've always wanted to do?
At the end of the day, you have to listen to your heart. If you don't have a career you like, you will not be happy or motivated. It's important to focus on YOU and YOUR happiness!
I would also try to understand why they chose a certain career path for you. I would also do research and look at job postings and this will help you with the compromise. Also try to understand why they want a particular career for you- is it a family business? do they see something in you that you don't see in yourself? is it something they've always wanted to do?
At the end of the day, you have to listen to your heart. If you don't have a career you like, you will not be happy or motivated. It's important to focus on YOU and YOUR happiness!
Patrick Meyer
Executive - Data Analytics and AI
566
Answers
Naperville, Illinois
Updated
Patrick’s Answer
Thank you for reaching out and asking such an important question. I understand it can be a sensitive topic especially depending on your parent's demeanor. Navigating career choices is indeed a challenge, calling for a blend of effective communication and introspection. My initial advice would be to pause and ask yourself: do you truly understand what you want to do and why you feel it's the right path for your future?
When dealing with parental pressure, it's vital to foster open and sincere dialogues. It's important to show appreciation for your parents' concerns, while clearly expressing the significance of following a career that resonates with your personal interests, particularly in areas such as medical research. As previously mentioned, presenting a detailed plan that highlights potential opportunities, skill enhancement, and long-term objectives can alleviate worries and showcase your dedication.
I would also recommend consulting with your career advisor or mentors. Exploring possible compromises, focusing on personal development, and exercising patience in understanding can foster a more supportive atmosphere. Remember, at the end of the day, you're the one who will be working in that career. It's essential that you find it enjoyable and are able to contribute effectively.
When dealing with parental pressure, it's vital to foster open and sincere dialogues. It's important to show appreciation for your parents' concerns, while clearly expressing the significance of following a career that resonates with your personal interests, particularly in areas such as medical research. As previously mentioned, presenting a detailed plan that highlights potential opportunities, skill enhancement, and long-term objectives can alleviate worries and showcase your dedication.
I would also recommend consulting with your career advisor or mentors. Exploring possible compromises, focusing on personal development, and exercising patience in understanding can foster a more supportive atmosphere. Remember, at the end of the day, you're the one who will be working in that career. It's essential that you find it enjoyable and are able to contribute effectively.
Marva Levine
Attorney
12
Answers
New York, New York
Updated
Marva’s Answer
Patrick's advice is indeed insightful. Consider this: why are your parents steering you towards their career path? Could it be that they've noticed a particular talent or skill in you that could lead to success in that field? Remember, parents usually have a deep understanding of their children. They desire their child's happiness and success, and their advice often comes from a place of wisdom and experience.
Take some time to reflect on their suggestions. Try to comprehend their perspective. Could they be seeing a potential in you that you might be overlooking? Are they trying to steer you away from a path that might not be the best fit for you? For instance, if I lacked athletic ability and aspired to be a professional tennis player, it would be reasonable for my parents to express concern.
If your parents do recognize a talent or skill in you, consider how you can leverage that to carve out a fulfilling career. While doing so, don't forget to factor in your parents' unique insights. Also, ponder this - if the same advice came from a teacher or another respected figure, would your reaction be different?
Best of luck on your journey.
Take some time to reflect on their suggestions. Try to comprehend their perspective. Could they be seeing a potential in you that you might be overlooking? Are they trying to steer you away from a path that might not be the best fit for you? For instance, if I lacked athletic ability and aspired to be a professional tennis player, it would be reasonable for my parents to express concern.
If your parents do recognize a talent or skill in you, consider how you can leverage that to carve out a fulfilling career. While doing so, don't forget to factor in your parents' unique insights. Also, ponder this - if the same advice came from a teacher or another respected figure, would your reaction be different?
Best of luck on your journey.
Mahi Patel
Student Advisor and Dental
99
Answers
Davie, Florida
Updated
Mahi’s Answer
Express Your Thoughts: Talk to your parents calmly and express your feelings about the career they want for you. Share your interests, passions, and reasons for wanting a different path.
Understand Their Perspective: Try to understand why your parents have chosen a particular career for you. They might have concerns or expectations based on their experiences or beliefs. Understanding their perspective can help in finding common ground.
Present Alternatives: Research and present alternative career options that align with your interests and goals. Show them that you have thought about your future and have a plan that reflects your passions.
Seek Guidance: If your parents remain resistant, consider seeking guidance from a career counselor or mentor. They can provide advice, insights, and potentially mediate conversations between you and your parents.
Demonstrate Commitment: If you have a specific career in mind, demonstrate your commitment by taking relevant courses, gaining experience through internships, or participating in activities related to that field. This can show your parents that you are serious about your chosen path.
Negotiate a Compromise: Look for ways to compromise. Maybe there's a middle ground where you can pursue your passion while addressing your parents' concerns. Finding a balance that satisfies both parties can be a positive outcome.
Financial Independence: If you are financially able to do so, consider becoming financially independent. This can provide you with more autonomy in making career decisions. However, this is a significant step and should be approached carefully.
Understand Their Perspective: Try to understand why your parents have chosen a particular career for you. They might have concerns or expectations based on their experiences or beliefs. Understanding their perspective can help in finding common ground.
Present Alternatives: Research and present alternative career options that align with your interests and goals. Show them that you have thought about your future and have a plan that reflects your passions.
Seek Guidance: If your parents remain resistant, consider seeking guidance from a career counselor or mentor. They can provide advice, insights, and potentially mediate conversations between you and your parents.
Demonstrate Commitment: If you have a specific career in mind, demonstrate your commitment by taking relevant courses, gaining experience through internships, or participating in activities related to that field. This can show your parents that you are serious about your chosen path.
Negotiate a Compromise: Look for ways to compromise. Maybe there's a middle ground where you can pursue your passion while addressing your parents' concerns. Finding a balance that satisfies both parties can be a positive outcome.
Financial Independence: If you are financially able to do so, consider becoming financially independent. This can provide you with more autonomy in making career decisions. However, this is a significant step and should be approached carefully.
James Constantine Frangos
Consultant Dietitian & Software Developer since 1972 => Nutrition Education => Health & Longevity.
3806
Answers
Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Updated
James Constantine’s Answer
Dear CVOH,
How to Decide on Your College Major and Remain Committed
Deciding on your college major is a crucial choice that can shape your future career trajectory. Here's an enhanced guide to aid you in selecting a college major and staying committed to it:
Self-Contemplation: Allocate time for introspection about your passions, strengths, values, and aspirations. Ponder over the subjects or activities that captivate you the most and where your competencies lie. Visualize the type of career you see for yourself in the future.
Investigation: Conduct thorough research on various majors provided by colleges and universities. Delve into the syllabus, courses, career possibilities, and potential income prospects associated with each major. Consider consulting with academic advisors, professors, and professionals in fields you're drawn to.
Discovery: Utilize introductory courses or electives as opportunities to delve into different subjects before finalizing a major. Getting involved in internships, job shadowing, or volunteering can also offer you practical experience in diverse fields.
Goal Setting: Establish distinct academic and career objectives for yourself. Design a plan detailing the steps required to accomplish those objectives within your selected major. Possessing a roadmap can aid you in maintaining focus and motivation.
Mentorship: Seek advice from mentors, career counselors, or alumni who can share valuable insights and guidance based on their experiences. They can assist you in navigating the decision-making process and provide support throughout your journey.
Flexibility: Understand that it's perfectly fine to switch your major if you discover it doesn't suit you. College is a period for discovery and personal growth, so don't hesitate to shift directions if needed. Keep an open mindset and be ready to adapt as you uncover more about yourself and your passions.
Commitment: Once you've decided on a major, dedicate yourself to it earnestly. Remain active in your coursework, engage in extracurricular activities related to your field, and pursue opportunities for professional growth.
Regular Evaluation: Regularly reassess your choice of major to confirm it continues to align with your interests and objectives. It's natural for priorities to evolve over time, so make a habit of self-check-ins to ensure you're on the right track.
By adhering to these steps and staying authentic to yourself, you can select a college major that truly resonates with you and strive towards achieving success in your chosen field.
Top 3 Reliable Sources Used:
The College Board
U.S. News & World Report
National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE)
May God Bless You!
James Constantine.
How to Decide on Your College Major and Remain Committed
Deciding on your college major is a crucial choice that can shape your future career trajectory. Here's an enhanced guide to aid you in selecting a college major and staying committed to it:
Self-Contemplation: Allocate time for introspection about your passions, strengths, values, and aspirations. Ponder over the subjects or activities that captivate you the most and where your competencies lie. Visualize the type of career you see for yourself in the future.
Investigation: Conduct thorough research on various majors provided by colleges and universities. Delve into the syllabus, courses, career possibilities, and potential income prospects associated with each major. Consider consulting with academic advisors, professors, and professionals in fields you're drawn to.
Discovery: Utilize introductory courses or electives as opportunities to delve into different subjects before finalizing a major. Getting involved in internships, job shadowing, or volunteering can also offer you practical experience in diverse fields.
Goal Setting: Establish distinct academic and career objectives for yourself. Design a plan detailing the steps required to accomplish those objectives within your selected major. Possessing a roadmap can aid you in maintaining focus and motivation.
Mentorship: Seek advice from mentors, career counselors, or alumni who can share valuable insights and guidance based on their experiences. They can assist you in navigating the decision-making process and provide support throughout your journey.
Flexibility: Understand that it's perfectly fine to switch your major if you discover it doesn't suit you. College is a period for discovery and personal growth, so don't hesitate to shift directions if needed. Keep an open mindset and be ready to adapt as you uncover more about yourself and your passions.
Commitment: Once you've decided on a major, dedicate yourself to it earnestly. Remain active in your coursework, engage in extracurricular activities related to your field, and pursue opportunities for professional growth.
Regular Evaluation: Regularly reassess your choice of major to confirm it continues to align with your interests and objectives. It's natural for priorities to evolve over time, so make a habit of self-check-ins to ensure you're on the right track.
By adhering to these steps and staying authentic to yourself, you can select a college major that truly resonates with you and strive towards achieving success in your chosen field.
Top 3 Reliable Sources Used:
The College Board
U.S. News & World Report
National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE)
May God Bless You!
James Constantine.
Faye Manning
Supervisor Finance Operations
1
Answer
Laurel, Maryland
Updated
Faye’s Answer
Consider beginning your journey by enrolling in courses that align with your interests. Strive to excel in these classes, demonstrating your commitment and ability to make independent choices. After completing these courses, engage your family in a conversation about your desire to shift your career path. Share with them your long-term vision and emphasize the importance of loving what you do. Before discussing with your parents, conduct thorough research on your desired career path. Understand what it involves and the education required. This way, you'll be well-prepared and confident in expressing your aspirations.
Colberte Proctor
Contract Manager
3
Answers
Upper Marlboro, Maryland
Updated
Colberte’s Answer
Hello,
Choosing a career can be a difficult but important journey. Ultimately, it is your life to live and the decision you make will impact you for the rest of your life. It is important to lead with this in mind if you were to have a discussion with your parents. Some things that may help are: 1- if you have a alternate plan, highlight that career path, benefits to you not only financially but the ways it would enrich you personally and emotionally. It will take bravery but a potential lifelong impact is worth the discussion.
Choosing a career can be a difficult but important journey. Ultimately, it is your life to live and the decision you make will impact you for the rest of your life. It is important to lead with this in mind if you were to have a discussion with your parents. Some things that may help are: 1- if you have a alternate plan, highlight that career path, benefits to you not only financially but the ways it would enrich you personally and emotionally. It will take bravery but a potential lifelong impact is worth the discussion.
Michelle M.
Entertainment Industry
1179
Answers
Updated
Michelle’s Answer
Hello, CVOH !
This type of issue is serious because it is happening through manipulation as well as suppressing you intellectually and psychologically. For quite a while things may be somewhat functional and you are going along with your parents needs and wants and probably feeling invalidated because they demand that your college studies be what they want, not what you want. I am sorry that this is happening and I would like to share some advice so it possibly may not continue much longer. However, I do not know if your mentioned Medical Research major is the one you have chosen or if it is the one your parents are forcing on you. To know this would depend on the type of advice I give you.
I recently answered this same inquiry from a different student here, and I again will suggest a mediation with your parents and you. This can be done at your school where you, your parents, and the Dean or an Administrator at your college, request a meeting and discuss the issue. Your parents will have to be willing to do it. You can also choose to have a friend or relative do the mediation during which both sides air their side and the mediator comes to a conclusion as to what both parties must do, most times each side making concessions so both parties can be satisfied.
Another good way to do this is to have Dispute Resolution Family Mediation by a professional who is a neutral party. Someone that doesn't have an emotional stake on either side. It can be done in person or by phone or video call. Another way to do this would be to speak to one of your parent's friends and ask them to speak with your parents about the issue and see if they are willing to come to terms with you choosing your own major. Apparently, your confiding in your parents and communicating your needs and choice has not worked, so it sounds like assistance will be needed from an outside person if you want things to change. Also speak with your school's academic counselor about meeting with you and your parents about this issue. It doesn't seem that it is being resolved just by you talking with your parents, so you will need someone to step in. Someone who can impress the importance of you choosing your own major and your own career.
Think about how it will be if it continues. It will not be conducive to your emotional well-being and the situation may cause you to fail classes or drop out of college, so this needs active steps as soon as possible. Think about what would be the best thing for you as you know yourself and your parents and the details of their conflict with your academic study. Keep reaching out to people who know you, know your parents and let them know where the real conflicts are in this situation. I hope that your parents see your point of view very soon and I wish you all the best with this.
This type of issue is serious because it is happening through manipulation as well as suppressing you intellectually and psychologically. For quite a while things may be somewhat functional and you are going along with your parents needs and wants and probably feeling invalidated because they demand that your college studies be what they want, not what you want. I am sorry that this is happening and I would like to share some advice so it possibly may not continue much longer. However, I do not know if your mentioned Medical Research major is the one you have chosen or if it is the one your parents are forcing on you. To know this would depend on the type of advice I give you.
I recently answered this same inquiry from a different student here, and I again will suggest a mediation with your parents and you. This can be done at your school where you, your parents, and the Dean or an Administrator at your college, request a meeting and discuss the issue. Your parents will have to be willing to do it. You can also choose to have a friend or relative do the mediation during which both sides air their side and the mediator comes to a conclusion as to what both parties must do, most times each side making concessions so both parties can be satisfied.
Another good way to do this is to have Dispute Resolution Family Mediation by a professional who is a neutral party. Someone that doesn't have an emotional stake on either side. It can be done in person or by phone or video call. Another way to do this would be to speak to one of your parent's friends and ask them to speak with your parents about the issue and see if they are willing to come to terms with you choosing your own major. Apparently, your confiding in your parents and communicating your needs and choice has not worked, so it sounds like assistance will be needed from an outside person if you want things to change. Also speak with your school's academic counselor about meeting with you and your parents about this issue. It doesn't seem that it is being resolved just by you talking with your parents, so you will need someone to step in. Someone who can impress the importance of you choosing your own major and your own career.
Think about how it will be if it continues. It will not be conducive to your emotional well-being and the situation may cause you to fail classes or drop out of college, so this needs active steps as soon as possible. Think about what would be the best thing for you as you know yourself and your parents and the details of their conflict with your academic study. Keep reaching out to people who know you, know your parents and let them know where the real conflicts are in this situation. I hope that your parents see your point of view very soon and I wish you all the best with this.
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for chiming in! I think you provided some great information, but I do want to point out that we don't have enough information to determine the specifics of the situation. I think your advice helps if it's a serious issue, but for more mild friction, only some of this will apply. Firstly, the student should definitely talk to their parents if they haven't already, but if that hasn't worked, I like your suggestion of talking to someone who knows both the student and the parents really well. They might be able to provide some insight that will help the parents see the situation in a different light.
Gurpreet Lally, Admin
Yes, I understand what you mean. I detected that a student in this situation has had numerous conversations with her parents already and that is what triggered the issue. Perhaps she hasn't and has been just keeping it all bottled up inside. I know what you mean. I do see this as a serious issue because in college, I had a classmate that had a similar issue happening and it can be very impactful. I also do not think this is something for clinical therapy, rather bringing in someone who can advocate for the student. Thank you so much for commenting ! :)
Michelle M.