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How to build up your confidence? How to be good at communicating with people?
Everyone would sort of encounters this kind of problem. For an introvert, how should we act to overcome the fear to communicate with people. Even though we did not mean something, but our timidity always prevent us from getting our message across. How to make introverts become confident?
#confidence #psychology #child-psychology #feelings #emotion #emotional #communications #marketing-communications #communication-skills #communications-strategy
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16 answers
Updated
Brad’s Answer
I frequently remind myself in large groups that no one is out to get me, and everyone else is nervous, too, whether or not they show it. Just be yourself and go talk to the quietest person in the room. They’ll appreciate it, and you’ll be able to practice your skills and gain confidence!
thank you! great advice. I have been practicing it now so I am less scared when I talked in front of a big crowd.
Joy
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Steph’s Answer
I work at a major multinational corporation and so many of the people I work with are natural introverts. They have grown successful in their careers nonetheless. Find something you are passionate about, study it well and then confidence will follow. You don't have to be the first to speak in a setting. You don't have to be the loudest. When you know about something and understand the concepts well, being able to deliver/communicate that message to others will come easier. Some major leaders are Introverts, i.e., Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg to name a few...
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Lauren’s Answer
It's important to keep in mind that you bring valuable experience and perspectives to the table, even when you're just starting out. For example, I work in Communications and often deal with executives who have 30+ years of experience in things I don't - sales, engineering, etc. But if we're talking about a Communications issue, I remember that I am the expert there and have meaningful perspective to share that they likely don't have. That helps me maintain a confident presence when I'm trying to influence stakeholders.
Also, confidence inspires confidence. If you show up, ask questions, provide perspective, others will start to have confidence in you. Your questions can be simple; simply speaking up signals that you are engaged and willing to listen, learn and act.
Finally, know your audience. If you know what might interest them or what they may ask, you can think through your related experience in advance, or if you don't have any, some good questions to show engagement and learn something new. We're all on this journey together - everyone you are engaging with has either felt or currently feels how you do :)
Also, confidence inspires confidence. If you show up, ask questions, provide perspective, others will start to have confidence in you. Your questions can be simple; simply speaking up signals that you are engaged and willing to listen, learn and act.
Finally, know your audience. If you know what might interest them or what they may ask, you can think through your related experience in advance, or if you don't have any, some good questions to show engagement and learn something new. We're all on this journey together - everyone you are engaging with has either felt or currently feels how you do :)
Updated
Jeni’s Answer
Hi Joy.
Earlier in my career, I didn’t speak up. Because of that, I ended up being a “do-er” — going along with what people told me because I was worried that if I shared my ideas, people wouldn’t see my perspective, or worse, think my perspective was invalid. I spent years getting pushed around by people (and clients) all because I was afraid to speak up.
But, learning to be a better communicator and speak up with confidence has lead to many great things for me over the years including raises, job opportunities, new clients, opportunities to speak at conferences, and the chance to work with people I never thought I’d work with!
We know communication is an essential part of everyday life. We communicate our emotions, our thoughts, our needs and information we deem as necessary to share with someone else. There are different applications of communication that determine the manner in which we choose to communicate.
For example, when you have a conversation with a group of friends, you’re relaxed and don't feel the need to filter your thoughts before speaking. But when you’re in a room full of colleagues and needing to discuss a business matter, all of a sudden we become nervous, second-guess what we want to say or stay silent altogether.
A few things to hone during your journey:
Master non-verbal communication
Learn to listen
Be direct
Trust your expertise
Learning to speak up and be confident in your communication can radically transform your career. Speaking up will help you effectively communicate with your boss, colleagues, and clients. As a result, your ideas will be heard, you’ll be given more responsibility (and a little more respect) and you’ll notice that people look to you as a leader on your team.
Best of luck. Jeni
Earlier in my career, I didn’t speak up. Because of that, I ended up being a “do-er” — going along with what people told me because I was worried that if I shared my ideas, people wouldn’t see my perspective, or worse, think my perspective was invalid. I spent years getting pushed around by people (and clients) all because I was afraid to speak up.
But, learning to be a better communicator and speak up with confidence has lead to many great things for me over the years including raises, job opportunities, new clients, opportunities to speak at conferences, and the chance to work with people I never thought I’d work with!
We know communication is an essential part of everyday life. We communicate our emotions, our thoughts, our needs and information we deem as necessary to share with someone else. There are different applications of communication that determine the manner in which we choose to communicate.
For example, when you have a conversation with a group of friends, you’re relaxed and don't feel the need to filter your thoughts before speaking. But when you’re in a room full of colleagues and needing to discuss a business matter, all of a sudden we become nervous, second-guess what we want to say or stay silent altogether.
A few things to hone during your journey:
Master non-verbal communication
Learn to listen
Be direct
Trust your expertise
Learning to speak up and be confident in your communication can radically transform your career. Speaking up will help you effectively communicate with your boss, colleagues, and clients. As a result, your ideas will be heard, you’ll be given more responsibility (and a little more respect) and you’ll notice that people look to you as a leader on your team.
Best of luck. Jeni
thank you so much! learned a lot! would do!
Joy
Updated
Helen’s Answer
Everyone - no matter how comfortable they are in a crowd or seasoned communicator they are will be nervous from time to time speaking in front of a large group. It is a body's nature protection instinct in Flight or Fight that causes the adrenaline to kick in and the nervous sytem to go into overdrive.
Practice as the others have mentioned is definitely a way for you to grow confident. If you have a speech to present -- practicing it front of a mirror and with someone you trust will help you identify any areas of the speech that trip you up from the beginning. This will allow you to practice or correct the area to make it an easier transition for you.
Reading books and or listening to podcasts on the subject are also a good suggestion.
Here are my top book suggestions:
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers
"Public Speaking to Win" by Dale Carnegie
"Talk Like TED" by Carmine Gallo
My Top Podcast suggestions:
The Toastmasters Podcast - https://www.toastmasterspodcast.com/posts/index.html
Steal the Show by Michal Port - https://stealtheshow.com/podcast/
Time to Shine in Public Speaking by Oscar Santolalla - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/time-to-shine-podcast-public-speaking-communication/id930870411
Hope those give you some good start....
I have found that joining Toastmasters International has helped me to become a better speaker -
Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of clubs. Headquartered in Englewood, Colo., the organization's membership exceeds 364,000 in more than 16,200 clubs in 145 countries. Since 1924, Toastmasters International has helped people from diverse backgrounds become more confident speakers, communicators, and leaders.
Practice as the others have mentioned is definitely a way for you to grow confident. If you have a speech to present -- practicing it front of a mirror and with someone you trust will help you identify any areas of the speech that trip you up from the beginning. This will allow you to practice or correct the area to make it an easier transition for you.
Reading books and or listening to podcasts on the subject are also a good suggestion.
Here are my top book suggestions:
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers
"Public Speaking to Win" by Dale Carnegie
"Talk Like TED" by Carmine Gallo
My Top Podcast suggestions:
The Toastmasters Podcast - https://www.toastmasterspodcast.com/posts/index.html
Steal the Show by Michal Port - https://stealtheshow.com/podcast/
Time to Shine in Public Speaking by Oscar Santolalla - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/time-to-shine-podcast-public-speaking-communication/id930870411
Hope those give you some good start....
I have found that joining Toastmasters International has helped me to become a better speaker -
Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of clubs. Headquartered in Englewood, Colo., the organization's membership exceeds 364,000 in more than 16,200 clubs in 145 countries. Since 1924, Toastmasters International has helped people from diverse backgrounds become more confident speakers, communicators, and leaders.
Yolande Morris
Senior Manager, Global Internal Digital Communications at Pfizer
2
Answers
Updated
Yolande’s Answer
Hi Joy,
The best way to build up your confidence is to talk to people. Start with your friends and family. Ask them questions about their everyday life, work and habits. Do this regularly until you no longer have to think about the questions. Then venture out to talk to your neighbors and people who you may not know as well and ask them the same questions. Once you're more comfortable, talk to one new person a day and start with easy questions or comments like, "How's your day going?" "I really like your shoes today" and wait for them to answer.
The key to communication is listening. Everyone wants to feel heard and will open up if they find you attentive. Also, don't take anything personally. If they walk away from you or don't give you a lot of time, it's not about you. The best way to build confidence is to remember that you are just as worthy as the next person and don't tie your identity or self-worth to the person you're talking to.
Other resources to try:
Books:
- "Quiet" by Susan Cain
- "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
- "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes
Movies:
- The King's Speech
Resources:
- https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-tips-to-improve-communication-skills.html
- https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/300466
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/04/04/10-communication-secrets-of-great-leaders/17a06b1222fe
I hope these tips help you to become more confident and develop a personal and effective communication style.
Best,
Yolande
thank you for these wonderful tips!
Joy
Updated
Alan’s Answer
Hi Joy,
As an introvert myself, I can definitely relate. Some tips and tricks I picked up along the way that may help:
1. Practice! From experience, nothing helps more than repetition to build confidence. I try to volunteer to be a speaker in meetings and events when I can and it has helped tremendously in my confidence in communication.
2. Find topics you're passionate about, learn about them, and be an expert on it. For me, it was volunteering. The passion on the topic, from my experience, should help with your confidence and willingness to want to talk to others about the topic. That should also help with your confidence in general.
3. Set realistic and small steps goals. For example, I still struggle to want to talk to people during a networking events. I set a goal for myself to talk to at least 1 person. It is not too ambitious and it often gets me in a groove to talk to more.
Good luck! Hope this helps!
As an introvert myself, I can definitely relate. Some tips and tricks I picked up along the way that may help:
1. Practice! From experience, nothing helps more than repetition to build confidence. I try to volunteer to be a speaker in meetings and events when I can and it has helped tremendously in my confidence in communication.
2. Find topics you're passionate about, learn about them, and be an expert on it. For me, it was volunteering. The passion on the topic, from my experience, should help with your confidence and willingness to want to talk to others about the topic. That should also help with your confidence in general.
3. Set realistic and small steps goals. For example, I still struggle to want to talk to people during a networking events. I set a goal for myself to talk to at least 1 person. It is not too ambitious and it often gets me in a groove to talk to more.
Good luck! Hope this helps!
thank you for your tips. I can definitely relate to those.
I think as I practice more, I definitely become less shy and start a conversation myself!
Joy
Updated
Khushboo’s Answer
Just remember that everyone is afraid of speaking in front of other people. Some people get comfortable with putting their ideas across as they have gained a lot of practice in speaking aloud their mind. It is natural for anyone to think that their ideas may not be taken seriously by others. But don't let that prevent you from still speaking out what is in your mind. Speaking out may cause a lot of discomfort initially, especially the first few times but as you keep doing more and more of it, you will soon get comfortable with the idea of communicating with new people.
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Gabriella’s Answer
Remember that everyone has struggled with being shy and timid at some point. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and start small. Communicate with people who you feel comfortable with and once you begin to share more with those people you can take that confidence and apply it to a larger group of people. You are worthy of sharing your thoughts and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Crystal’s Answer
Practice. Practice. Practice. Don't be afraid to fail as long as you learn from your mistakes. Try to find opportunities to meet new people, present to people, and interact in different settings. Ask for feedback after presentations if you have the chance and observe people's behavior.
Also, be true to yourself. You will meet people you get along with and others who you won't and that's perfectly fine! The more people you meet, the easier it will be to converse with people. Even extroverts oftentimes feel pressure/awkwardness when meeting new people or in novel environments.
Also, be true to yourself. You will meet people you get along with and others who you won't and that's perfectly fine! The more people you meet, the easier it will be to converse with people. Even extroverts oftentimes feel pressure/awkwardness when meeting new people or in novel environments.
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Caleb’s Answer
An important aspect of communicating I have found as an introvert is being confidant in the ideas and words I chose to say. I don't say much. I don't even like talking to groups small or large. But when I do speak I make sure I use a confidant, informed and educated tone. I know what I am talking about. While I still am open to learning and accepting if I am proven wrong. For this reason many people see me as a vocal and distinguished extrovert. But in reality I speak less then others. I just make myself heard when I choose to speak.
Updated
Marisa’s Answer
I agree with finding something you are passionate about or have extensive knowledge in, and try to start a conversation around that, or something that can feed off of that. I am painfully shy in public, but have found I am more comfortable around people who I can teach something to. The dialogue seems to flow on it's own.
Updated
Sara’s Answer
Hi, Joy,
What a great question. When I started my career, I felt very timid, especially when I was in a room where I felt that everyone knew more than me. There are a few important things to remember when communicating with others:
1. Not everyone thinks like you do and that's a great thing. You have a different and valuable perspective. You can provide questions and comments that other people may not have even considered yet!
2. Remember these questions: Is it helpful? Is it true? Is it fair? -- When speaking up or when writing to others, these 3 questions come to my mind often. Is the information or perspective I'm providing helpful to others? In the end, is it going to help the goals and objectives of our business, of the team, and of the customers/consumers? -- Is it true? Even if something doesn't seem helpful or positive, is there a truth that needs to be known? If you're considering saying something, make sure that the truth and reasoning comes through that will be helpful in the end. -- Is it fair? Remember to say things in a way that is fair to all involved, including yourself.
3. Represent yourself well! You are here for a reason. You were hired for the job because they want you to be included and to contribute! If you speak up and you communicate your thoughts, it's going to help the whole team, business, and their consumers!
I hope this helps!
What a great question. When I started my career, I felt very timid, especially when I was in a room where I felt that everyone knew more than me. There are a few important things to remember when communicating with others:
1. Not everyone thinks like you do and that's a great thing. You have a different and valuable perspective. You can provide questions and comments that other people may not have even considered yet!
2. Remember these questions: Is it helpful? Is it true? Is it fair? -- When speaking up or when writing to others, these 3 questions come to my mind often. Is the information or perspective I'm providing helpful to others? In the end, is it going to help the goals and objectives of our business, of the team, and of the customers/consumers? -- Is it true? Even if something doesn't seem helpful or positive, is there a truth that needs to be known? If you're considering saying something, make sure that the truth and reasoning comes through that will be helpful in the end. -- Is it fair? Remember to say things in a way that is fair to all involved, including yourself.
3. Represent yourself well! You are here for a reason. You were hired for the job because they want you to be included and to contribute! If you speak up and you communicate your thoughts, it's going to help the whole team, business, and their consumers!
I hope this helps!
Updated
Leah’s Answer
Hi Joy,
I'm glad you asked this question! There are probably many, many people who have the same question as you, but were maybe too shy to ask it. The first thing to remember is that most people feel this way, and you are not alone. I'm convinced that even people who are outgoing are introverted in certain environments.
Once you keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling this way, it will hopefully make it easier to approach other people and find common topics to discuss. All it takes is starting to talk to one or two people, and then you can gradually grow that circle of conversation.
Give yourself small goals, and as you meet them, you will earn confidence. That confidence will just continue to grow.
If you have small setbacks, please try not to get discouraged.
I hope this helps and I admire you working on this! Most of us need to as well!
Practicing in with trusted friends, coworkers or classmates may help
Joining an organization such as Toastmasters Club is a great way to practice
I'm glad you asked this question! There are probably many, many people who have the same question as you, but were maybe too shy to ask it. The first thing to remember is that most people feel this way, and you are not alone. I'm convinced that even people who are outgoing are introverted in certain environments.
Once you keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling this way, it will hopefully make it easier to approach other people and find common topics to discuss. All it takes is starting to talk to one or two people, and then you can gradually grow that circle of conversation.
Give yourself small goals, and as you meet them, you will earn confidence. That confidence will just continue to grow.
If you have small setbacks, please try not to get discouraged.
I hope this helps and I admire you working on this! Most of us need to as well!
Leah recommends the following next steps:
Updated
DAve’s Answer
Acquire new abilities.
Don't box yourself in by labeling yourself as an introvert, it only intensifies the issue. The distinction between an introvert and an extrovert lies in their thought processes, not in their level of conversation.
Emulate a role model - observe and mirror the actions of someone you admire.
Embrace failure - become at ease with the idea of not succeeding at first.
Don't box yourself in by labeling yourself as an introvert, it only intensifies the issue. The distinction between an introvert and an extrovert lies in their thought processes, not in their level of conversation.
Emulate a role model - observe and mirror the actions of someone you admire.
Embrace failure - become at ease with the idea of not succeeding at first.
Chi Ngo, CIA, CAMS
Director, Risk & Reg - FS, PricewaterhouseCoopers, LLP
5
Answers
Updated
Chi’s Answer
Hi Joy - Communication is the key to success. Understanding how to effectively communicate and effectively get through to anyone you encounter is something that will take years of experience (trial and error). However, I will start you off with this advice: You can't control others, and you likely will not be able to anticipate how others will act. However, you can control yourself, which in turn will help you manage the conversation. So how do you control yourself, become confident with your communication, and make yourself the best communicator you can be? You can start with some online and in-person classes/seminars to improve your speech and grammar. I would suggest asking your school for programs, and researching online. You'll be surprised with the confidence you gain from taking the time to first master the fundamentals of speech before you act. You can't succeed in any scenario for which you are not fully prepared for. You also can't be your best without help, so get it where you can, from those you trust. My last piece of advice, once you master the fundamentals, is to understand that one approach will not make you a successful communicator. A true professional is one who can adapt to any environment and any personality. I used to think that a "professional" was one type of person - someone who always stood straight, shook hands firmly, dressed a certain way, etc.; however, I soon learned that the way to be successful is to know yourself, never stop developing your skills, and be flexible to adapt to whatever comes your way. I hope this helps... I wish you the best!
Hi Chi Ngo,
Thank you so much for your response. I never thought there would be classes to train your confidence and improve your speech/grammar. Does the speech and grammar part mean that you alter the saying so you don't offend people as much? Do you mean like don't speak something out too straight forward?
I understand how the professional would be able to adapt to any personality. But why if she or he does not have anything in common with you? Then how would you be able to keep a conversation going without being awkward?
Thank you for all your advice. They are pretty helpful.
Joy
Hi Joy - When I say grammar, I mean language skills. For instance, I noticed that your initial question had some grammar issues and was not written as concisely as it could have been. Once you master the fundamentals, you should also look into courses to practice your communication. For instance, Toastmasters is a very popular program that folks use to improve their public speaking skills and gain confidence. In regards to writing, I suggest you take English courses and work with your teachers to get advice on options/programs you can take to further improve your writing skills.
Chi Ngo, CIA, CAMS
Also, you will never encounter someone with whom you have nothing in common. My favorite feedback I have received was from a former staff who told me that I "turn professionals into people." Ultimately, we're all human beings, and we all have the same needs (refer to Maslow's hierarchy of needs). The key to truly connecting with someone is to understand where they are coming from and what drives them (which you can pick up from their mannerisms and how they respond/react to different stimuli). This is something that will take years to get comfortable with, which is why I suggest that you take the first step of understanding and developing yourself. Building confidence in yourself will naturally evolve into confidence in your communications.
Chi Ngo, CIA, CAMS
Hi Chi Ngo! Thank you for explaining. How should I improve my writing and grammar skill? Should I read more books and practice my English by speaking to improve?
I definitely need to put a lot of work into this. Thank you for pointing out some main points.
Joy
If you're in high school, I would start by asking your English teachers for their help/advice, since they may either give you personal help, and/or point you to programs they know. I know about Toastmasters for public speaking, but I'm not familiar with any programs you may have access to for writing/editing. Good luck!
Chi Ngo, CIA, CAMS
Okay! I would definitely do that. Thank you for following up my question. Thank you so much.
Joy
Listen. Observe... and, listen. If you are not super confident in your approach. Put yourself in environments where you have the opportunity to listen and observe others... pay attention to body language and how people interact with each other. You may find this helpful.
Tonya Lagrasta, EP