What is the best way to deal with a coworker who you don't get along with?

Hi Angelina,

While it may be frustrating, your life will be filled with people you may not get along with - and that's ok!! It's good to have differences with people - it helps us grow and know more about who we are as people. As we learn to get along with others, we are developing our "people skills":

People skills are defined as the ability to listen, to communicate and to relate to others on a personal or professional level. Good people skills also extend to include problem-solving abilities, empathy for others and a willingness to work together toward the common good.

Think about this definition and the word "empathy" - caring for another - walking in their shoes. Sometimes we disagree or class with others because we don't understand where they come from - their experiences in life could be far different from ours. That means with empathy we can try to better understand their thinking - remember most importantly - no one is ever always right!!

But, when you meet that one person and all else has failed, smile, do your best to be kind, and limit contact if you can.

Stephanie

Angelina,

It all depends!

If you just don't get along, but it does not interfere with your ability to work together, then, it is not a problem for the supervisor.

I am one of those people who is "difficult" to get along with. Why? Because I have no nieces, nephews, grandkids (that's all adults seem to talk about!), I don't cook or go out, I'm not "into" fashion, or do anything else that people talk about. I spend all my free time with my hobby, which is working on cases for lawyers, and I can't really discuss that, for obvious reasons. People who try to connect with me know to ask me about my dog! But I am not good at asking questions back to them, because it was drilled into me never to ask personal questions! So, what I am saying is, try to find a common interest to connect with them on, without digging into their personal lives.

If it is affecting job performance, that is the time to discuss it with the boss, privately. But be ready to explain how you have tried to fix it, and, be willing to accept some responsibility for the problem. It's usually not totally one-sided. A lot of times things are not as they seem to be.

Hope that helps! Feel free to ask me questions!
Kim

Speak to the co-worker with a supervisor present

1. Be Brutally Honest with Your Coworker

Confronting the person who is making you sick and telling him really nicely what he’s doing to make your workday awful can sometimes get him to stop. Much of the time, people are completely oblivious to how their behavior makes other people feel. Bringing their lousy behavior to their attention can be the wake-up call they need to change their ways.

1. Rise Above Bad Workplace Behavior

Is there any way to ignore or avoid the person who’s driving you crazy? Like your mother taught you when you were little, pretending that you aren’t affected by the way someone is behaving can get him to stop -- especially if he’s behaving in a way that is intentionally aimed at hurting you.

1. Reframe Your Perspective

A good coaching exercise is to focus on the good qualities this person possesses. This act of appreciation can get you to notice when she is being nice and help you ignore her when she’s being nasty. Try making a list of all the good things she does and intentionally notice those things during the day.

1. Use Honey

Try to connect with the person to develop a closer relationship. Sometimes getting to know someone a little better and extending a hand in friendship can make the person start to go out of his way for you.

1. Use the Opposite of Honey

Sometimes the only way to get someone to back off is to show her what she’s doing. You’ve probably been told before not to sink to anyone's level, but once in a while a bully needs a good kick in the shins. Be careful, however, because if you end up having to go to a higher authority to get this person to stop (see next step), you don't want her to have any ammunition against you. If you try this approach, explain why you did it. For example, “I shot down your idea in the meeting because that’s how you always speak to me. If you don't like how that feels, maybe you shouldn't do it to others."

1. Report as a Last Resort

You never want to be labeled the workplace tattletale, but some situations are just impossible to live with. If all else fails and you feel an intervention is needed to stop the behavior, tell your boss. If you go this route, make sure you speak in terms of how the behavior is impacting the organization. Reducing creative thinking, impacting productivity and damaging team morale are all reasons for a boss to get involved because it will impact his bottom line.

It isn't reasonable to expect to have only coworkers you like, but if you have to work with people you can't stand, at least you have options to make your days a little better.